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Daddy isn’t coming back

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Re: Daddy isn’t coming back

#121

Post by outworlder »

muuglay wrote: post #79

Suicide is a hard topic. My mom did it. I don't talk to my father. I might be autistic or have aspbergers, and I dont understand why I wake up. I'm a robot emulating a human. I have to do weed to grt any mystery of a cosmic connection because we are strange primates. I hate my job which causes a disease of more when even after excelling in a fang job making over seven figures, I feel very little joy. I just have hope…

There is some research that seems to point out to genetic factors. My only experience with this subject seems to corroborate this, but it's anecdotal. This is true for some other mental health issues too. TL;DR I'd be very careful if there's any history in the family, as in your case.

Given that you suspect that you are neurodivergent(you mentioned autism), please talk to a professional. Maybe figuring out exactly what makes you tick is what you need - or maybe there's something that's preventing you from feeling 'joy' (anhedonia is a classic depression sign).

Don't wait until retirement. You can certainly afford talking to a therapist (from a monetary perspective at least, time may be another matter). But just do it.

I think that 'joy' is a target that can't be reached. No matter how wonderful one's life become, we'll adapt. Joy is fleeting (but you should still experience some occasionally). Not hating having to wake up is a good first goal though. I'm also working on that part.

Re: Daddy isn’t coming back

#122

Post by cyberpunk »

bladegash wrote: post #117
cyberpunk wrote: post #108

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Yep. I'm with you. I was chaos and anarchy before becoming a parent. Now if I lost mine in such an accident say, I'd immediately do it. What would be the point of waiting? Not because they were the only thing stopping me, but because life without them, by now, is incomprehensible. To be honest though, I think suicide is probably the best way to go unless you die instantly. I mean, say I get diagnosed with some horrib…

As someone who has watched their parent struggle with - and ultimately pass away from - lung cancer, I can say that in my case the memory of them was far from their last days. I still remember them as my dad, the way you do when you’re a kid. The person that is a superhero and strongest person there is/was. FWIW, my dad passed away at home under hospice care, with me there to care for him for the last few days. It wa…

I've still got both ahead, I guess I was a bit cocksure about how I would deal with it.. It's a tricky line to find for me between 'letting my kid watch me slowly die' or err.. not..

This is a ridiculously personal question and just ignore it if not, but it's something I've had in my mind for a while... If your pop had taken the cyberpunk route, and just pissed off during those last 2 months, would you have felt him selfish or do you think you could understand?

Re: Daddy isn’t coming back

#123

Post by xenocratus »

skissane wrote: post #85
jstx1 wrote: post #9

Knowing that you're at high risk of suicide or have other serious mental health problems is also a good reason to avoid having kids. This isn't directed at the author of the article or their partner; it's how I think when I plan my own life.

I have a long history of suicidal thoughts, and I’ve even acted on them a few times when I was younger (albeit half-heartedly-if I’d been really serious about it I wouldn’t be here now.) I don’t know if that makes me “at high risk of suicide” but likely people like me are at greater risk than people who don’t have that history. And yet, having kids has actually made it easier for me to resist those thoughts. They hav…

I took the parent comment's point to be not (just) that you could be at risk of slipping back into suicidal thoughts and acting on them, but that this might have genetic causes and you could end up passing these tendencies to your children. At least, I know I've thought/worried about this quite a lot.

Re: Daddy isn’t coming back

#124

Post by wasteofelectron »

AmericanChopper wrote: post #6

I can’t stand articles that start with “we need to talk about…”. What the author is really saying is “This topic is important to me, and I’d like to pressure you into having the same views on it as I do”. Regardless of the merit of those views, the only thing that ever comes after “we need to talk about…” is a description of some hardship the author (or somebody the author knows) faced, an explanation of how that sha…

This is an account of a woman’s husband and the father of her children being severely ill and dying by suicide, not “some hardship” or a “topic”. Have some respect for goodness sake. You never know when you’ll need someone to do the same for you.

Re: Daddy isn’t coming back

#125

Post by SapporoChris »

podgaj wrote: post #10

I have schizoaffective bipolar disorder, and aspergers. I was making $130,000 a year as a network engineer at Cisco in 1999 before I became too sick to work anymore. Right now I am homeless living in my van with a transmission about to go. I have attempted suicide three times already. I keep thinking about doing it again. No one wants to provide me the best medicine, stable housing. I make $1700 on disability but I c…

A difficult situation. I am impressed by your success at Cisco. If you had that capability, you still have that capability.You have significant hurdles to overcome, but you do have the opportunity to make it. I won't offer you platitudes, but I encourage you to keep trying.

Re: Daddy isn’t coming back

#126

Post by cyberpunk »

kreeben wrote: post #111
skissane wrote: post #85

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I have a long history of suicidal thoughts, and I’ve even acted on them a few times when I was younger (albeit half-heartedly-if I’d been really serious about it I wouldn’t be here now.) I don’t know if that makes me “at high risk of suicide” but likely people like me are at greater risk than people who don’t have that history. And yet, having kids has actually made it easier for me to resist those thoughts. They hav…

I hear myself in you. I went through some shit. But I have two kids and so I would never... Then I got a little better and those daily thoughts became weekly, then monthly and nowadays they are simply not there anymore. Well, sometimes they are but they are now very easily dismissed. I just came here to say that, if god forbid both your kids are taken from you, even then, I would say to you, fucking hell man, don't d…

I mean, I'm a buddhist.. So I'm kind of 'pro universe' but I don't see the point in unnecessary suffering. You're telling me you'd keep on going after losing your family? Years and years of pain and misery? What's the point? There are some things you don't get over.. And even the idea of 'getting over' something like that would make me even sadder than I would have been immediately?

Sometimes, kill -9 seems to be a valid option to me, all I'm saying.. (In a responsible way, get your stuff in order, do it in a clinic, etc etc etc)

Re: Daddy isn’t coming back

#127

Post by thelettere »

paxys wrote: post #43
aerovistae wrote: post #35

Not a comment on the story itself, but rather on the postscript which follows it: > If you are struggling to cope or have been affected by anything in this story, please contact the Samaritans in the UK at 116 123 or jo@samaritans.org. In the US, the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline is 1-800-273-8255. More information at mind.org.uk, samaritans.org and save.org Years ago, unhappy but not suicidal, I decided to ca…

A single hotline experience not working for you doesn't warrant a blanket "I would never suggest to anyone to call a suicide hotline". There are lots of studies that show that such programs are at least moderately effective ( https://bmcpsychiatry.biomedcentral.com/articles/10.1186/s12... )

Look at the methodology - borderline laughable. Tells us no more than his anecdote does, for there are a million other potential explanations - including that it isn't calling those hotlines that helps, but knowing that one can, which dovetails nicely with research on the benefits of friendship. Some things you simply can't test.

Re: Daddy isn’t coming back

#128

Post by rekado »

cyberpunk wrote: post #108
skissane wrote: post #85

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I have a long history of suicidal thoughts, and I’ve even acted on them a few times when I was younger (albeit half-heartedly-if I’d been really serious about it I wouldn’t be here now.) I don’t know if that makes me “at high risk of suicide” but likely people like me are at greater risk than people who don’t have that history. And yet, having kids has actually made it easier for me to resist those thoughts. They hav…

Yep. I'm with you. I was chaos and anarchy before becoming a parent. Now if I lost mine in such an accident say, I'd immediately do it. What would be the point of waiting? Not because they were the only thing stopping me, but because life without them, by now, is incomprehensible. To be honest though, I think suicide is probably the best way to go unless you die instantly. I mean, say I get diagnosed with some horrib…

> I'm sure I read somewhere a majority of doctors who get cancer don't accept chemo/etc.. But I have no links to back that up.

Perhaps you mean this one: https://www.zocalopublicsquare.org/2011/11/30/how-doctors-di...

Re: Daddy isn’t coming back

#129

Post by sadmandeathsoon »

The truth is no one cares about men. Death is the peace we will get.

Society expects us to be obedient tax cows. Women expect us to breadbringers.

Hillary Clinton once said:""" “Women have always been the primary victims of war. Women lose their husbands, their fathers, their sons in combat. """ Unironically marginalizing the death of men.

The existing social contract has failed men. It's better to die fast than suffer a long humiliating and slow death.

Re: Daddy isn’t coming back

#130

Post by sen »

skissane wrote: post #85
jstx1 wrote: post #9

Knowing that you're at high risk of suicide or have other serious mental health problems is also a good reason to avoid having kids. This isn't directed at the author of the article or their partner; it's how I think when I plan my own life.

I have a long history of suicidal thoughts, and I’ve even acted on them a few times when I was younger (albeit half-heartedly-if I’d been really serious about it I wouldn’t be here now.) I don’t know if that makes me “at high risk of suicide” but likely people like me are at greater risk than people who don’t have that history. And yet, having kids has actually made it easier for me to resist those thoughts. They hav…

Same here, I agree and relate to every bit you said. I always thought it'd be a bad idea for me to have kids, my childhood/early-adulthood was absolute chaos, abuse, serious depression, homelessness, the works. Met "the one", we wanted kids, a decade later I can see it's the best thing that ever happened to me. My brain can still be a very scary place, but they give me purpose/direction/motivation to do better and make sure they don't grow up how I did.

I do now have an illness that's "almost definitely terminal" (but haven't been given a definitive timeframe yet), and old-me would've just ended it to get it over with without a second thought, but instead now I'm driven to make sure my wife/kids have the best possible life set up before I go.

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