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Willingness to look stupid

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Re: Willingness to look stupid

#411

Post by microtonal »

sharkweek wrote: post #370
mywittyname wrote: post #360

Earlier quoted context omitted.

One of the best people I've ever worked with used this approach. "I'm going to ask stupid questions now." and "Just so I'm understanding the problem, ." were two phrases she used all the time . I am surprised at how difficult it has been to emulate her technique. Feeling comfortable asking the obvious questions is one half of the battle, but the other, more difficult half, is knowing what obvious questions to ask. Mo…

VP in my org does this, and it really disarms the room. She’s big on that exact phrase of “this could be a really stupid question, but…” She’s also really good about making sure other people are rewarded for doing the same by reassuring someone asking what might be a dumb question as, “that’s a a great question and I’m sure others were wondering the same…” before responding. Great leadership, IMO.

In the group where I did my PhD, one of the professors would do this (but without pre-announcing). He would start with really basic questions and gradually build up to more complex questions.

This was great for two reasons: 1. it builds up large common ground for understanding; 2. if someone in a leadership position does this, others will not feel ashamed of asking questions that they think may be basic.

Re: Willingness to look stupid

#412

Post by bittercynic »

Ensorceled wrote: post #247
alexandrerond wrote: post #166

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Totally. There's distance between: "people think I'm stupid because I'm not scared to show that I don't know about something" and some of the examples which are more along the lines of "people think I'm stupid because I act as a self-entitled genius who provides little context or reasoning behind choices and expect everyone to line up behind with no question" What is the Apple store employee supposed to do to not mak…

> The insurance dealer does his job and tries to get a higher premium? Not surprised. This is actually an example of where the author IS stupid. You will often be found "at fault" in cases where you are not actually at fault (the other driver lies better than your truth) and there are many cases (at least in Ontario) where you are legislatively at fault even if you did nothing out of the ordinary (making a left turn…

It may be an unusual preference, but I don't think there's anything wrong with it. Maybe he drives an inexpensive car and can afford to repair/replace it himself, so he doesn't want to pay the premium to insure against that risk.

Re: Willingness to look stupid

#413

Post by skygazer »

stavros wrote: post #317
ghufran_syed wrote: post #181

Earlier quoted context omitted.

“What is the Apple store employee supposed to do to not make someone feel stupid when they ask for the smallest box?” Maybe ask the customer, “can I ask why you would like the one with the smallest box?” instead of making assumptions? Although note that this might also be classified as a question where the person asking is admitting they don’t understand why someone would want this aka “looking dumb” in the wording f…

I don't understand why he was asking for the smallest box, though? Isn't that an inefficient proxy? Wouldn't asking to see the computers have been more accurate?

I once give a laptop as a birthday present on a weekend trip with my girlfriend, traveling in a small two-seat convertible. I struggled somewhat to figure out how to pack presents without it being obvious I was bringing presents. Fortunately the laptop box was small enough to fit behind the seat.

I don’t why the author needed a small box, but I did think of my experience when I read his anecdote. I think a large part of his appearing impaired is not even attempting to explain his rationales, suspicions or methods in the moment. His goal seems to be to engineer these awkward interactions, when they could be otherwise lubricated or alleviated. He’s acting as though other people and their understanding are irrelevant to him; they are furniture or fixtures that should trust and obey unquestioningly, which is a bit ironic.

Re: Willingness to look stupid

#414

Post by new_stranger »

hnfong wrote: post #302
josh2600 wrote: post #163

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Confucius says there are 3 ways to gain wisdom: Imitation, which is easiest. Meditation, which is noblest. Experience, which is bitterest. Anytime I learn anything new, I imitate until I can’t anymore, then I meditate to understand why I think I can’t imitate anymore, then I experience my meditation, then I go back to mediating based on that experience. Repeat until you can’t OODA loop effectively anymore.

I don't think Confucius said that.

Sure he did, I think I heard him on tikTok

Re: Willingness to look stupid

#415

Post by jacobolus »

theli0nheart wrote: post #395
jacobolus wrote: post #363

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Kids don’t mind listening to someone speaking a new language or reading them a story they can’t understand, and they don’t mind trying to communicate, but if you put them on the spot by asking them to do some kind of formal lesson, they freak out just like anyone else. The most important thing I have found when trying to teach kids [and probably most other people too] is (1) break tasks into very small steps, (2) mak…

I view performance anxiety and fear of looking stupid as a beginner as completely separate things. When you put the average adult learning a new language in a foreign country, they'll pause before new words, think before conjugating a verb, etc. Kids don't do that; they just talk. They don't worry about making a mistake, but adults (on average!) do.

> performance anxiety and fear of looking stupid as a beginner as completely separate things

The same kid will happily try riding a bike if you just leave one sitting around where they can find it, but will balk if you ask them to try in front of their friends who already know how. I think a huge part (the majority) of people’s fear of learning new skills is a kind of performance anxiety. Both fear of looking bad in front of others, and to some extent fear of looking bad to themselves. The other significant problem is an inability to break the new skill down into small enough pieces to manageably tackle independently.

Speaking a language is always and inevitably a performance. But kids are typically given much more time and space to just listen without trying to speak, and are judged less when they do try. Some kids who move to a new country will just quietly listen for months before ever trying to say something in the new language; adults rarely have that luxury.

But in any event, there are plenty of adults who are willing to try speaking foreign languages imperfectly, and studies have shown children and adults have comparable ability to learn a second language (indeed adults often improve faster at the start).

Re: Willingness to look stupid

#416

Post by babelfish »

stavros wrote: post #317
ghufran_syed wrote: post #181

Earlier quoted context omitted.

“What is the Apple store employee supposed to do to not make someone feel stupid when they ask for the smallest box?” Maybe ask the customer, “can I ask why you would like the one with the smallest box?” instead of making assumptions? Although note that this might also be classified as a question where the person asking is admitting they don’t understand why someone would want this aka “looking dumb” in the wording f…

I don't understand why he was asking for the smallest box, though? Isn't that an inefficient proxy? Wouldn't asking to see the computers have been more accurate?

The author's refusal to explain to the store employee why he wants the smallest box makes me think he actually is stupid, or at least lacks the emotional intelligence to understand that when someone is trying to help you, you should explain your intentions to them. If I worked at the Apple store, and somebody insisted they want the laptop in the 'smallest box' without explaining why, the only reasonable conclusion is that they're experiencing the XY problem. Not to mention that Macbooks of the same form factor all come in boxes of the same size, so there's a million other configuration options he'd need to provide... https://meta.stackexchange.com/questions/66377/what-is-the-x...

Re: Willingness to look stupid

#417

Post by davidivadavid »

KennyBlanken wrote: post #121
lolc wrote: post #29

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I wondered about that story and concluded that the author knew which computer they wanted. They also knew that this computer came in the smallest box. So they only had to give that second bit of information to get what they wanted. It is a bit condescending in my view to withhold that information from the clerk. But then again, I'm only making assumptions. Also, I've done similar things where I refused to let on my i…

If it happened , he purposefully chose a request that he knew would generate confusion and discomfort in a situation with someone he has power over. It reminds me of the high school bully who fake-punches you, knowing you'll react, and then punishing you for how you react. At best he purposefully made things more difficult than they had to be. She was absolutely right to think that he was a "bozo." I generally strive…

I think he confused his trip to the Apple store with a riddle at a Google interview. I'll second that that made him sound like a complete dumbass.

Re: Willingness to look stupid

#418

Post by mattjaynes »

If you're looking for resilient, growth-minded friends, I'd recommend taking up a class where everyone is guaranteed to look bad in the beginning. Only those that can get through the rough waters in the beginning will make it to the "shore" of basic competence. It can be a great filter.

I realized this when trying to learn Salsa dancing. Some people have a natural talent, but most don't and that includes me. It was one of the most difficult things for me to learn and it took months of very very bad dancing to get to a passable level.

As a guy, it can be tough post-college to make other good male friends, but I look back at all my male friends now and they are almost all from Salsa. There's a real camaraderie that comes from passing through a challenge together and making it to the other side.

Sure - it's not a Navy Seal experience or something that intense, but the fear of social humiliation is a strong one and if you can get through that with some other solid people, it builds a real bond.

Re: Willingness to look stupid

#419

Post by babelfish »

dangerface wrote: post #127
lukeholder wrote: post #40

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Yeah but if that is true, why cause so much trouble and just said why you want the smallest box.

I think the sales person was causing the trouble tbh, if a customer knows what they want take the sale don't waste their time with 20 questions at the end of the day we both know the sales person was just trying to upsell the customer something they clearly didn't want. Its the sales persons job to take the hint and just make the sale tbh.

There are dozens of configuration options for Macbooks that all come in the same size box. The size of the box is not enough information to select a laptop. The author was being intentionally difficult under the guise of superiority, and the Apple store employee was just doing their job.

Re: Willingness to look stupid

#420

Post by irrational »

One of my favorite is “I don’t know how to do that.” I’ve found that people absolutely love demonstrating that they know something and will happily show you how to do X. Or, everyone says that they don’t know how to do X either. Then we all figure out how to do X or give someone the task to research it and report back. A good thing to remember is nobody knows what you don’t know.
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