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On Solitude

eriktorenberg.substack.com

31–40 of 46 posts

Re: On Solitude

#31
> Then the ideas come. Compliments (& apologies) you should give people. Ideas for hangouts. Lists of things I should start or stop doing.

I have plenty of these as it is, so many I can’t capture and follow through on them all. I need to prioritize the ideas that create capacity.

Re: On Solitude

#32
post #11

Interesting that he notes Wallace there. Wallace was a lonely dude. I still really admire the things he said about leadership and his fiction is truly unique....loneliness is a theme throughout. I think I related to him partially because of that. I recently came across an article about him where he basically couldn't accept that fixing his loneliness wasn't someone else' job. This seems relevant but it also bothered…

I wonder if one day as a society we'll be able to accept again that humans are flawed, and often the most popular are the most flawed. That's not to excuse what he's done or anything like that, but we can still find some interesting things or a bit of peace in his words. The "huge caveat" you talk about applies to pretty much everyone.

I don't think the world refuses to believe that humans can be flawed. That's the opposite of the problem with hero-worship. The problem with hero worship is that we disregard and apologize for our heroes' flaws when we wouldn't do that for the person sitting next to us.

Re: On Solitude

#33
post #14

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I think there are a lot of things that men take for granted that are not equally available to women. To me, the thought of going into the woods for a weekend with no connection to the outside world sounds peaceful and rather wonderful. But to my wife, it would sound downright alarming. I think it's hard to focus on connecting with one's true self while also worrying about one's physical safety. So I'd like to read mo…

This seems like such a strange thing to say. Why does your wife find having no connection to civilisation "downright alarming"? If women are supposed to find outdoor solitude frightening or something, nobody's told me! I'm hoping this doesn't come across as angry, it just feels like a bizarre thing to read.

My wife and I are not particularly outdoorsy, having both grown up in cities/suburbs in the US. So actually both of us probably should be at least somewhat wary of being alone in semi-wilderness. But maybe it's an example of male overconfidence that the suggestion calls up images of Walden for me, but probably Unsolved Mysteries for her. I'm certainly not saying women should be afraid of being alone outdoors, but there is a pretty pervasive cultural perception that lone women are more vulnerable than lone men in many situations. It doesn't help that, for the majority of people, the most famous female "adventurer" they've heard of is Amelia Earhart, whose disappearance overshadowed all her pioneering achievements.

Re: On Solitude

#34
post #25

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I don't think this is the reason. I think it might be more to do with a woman coming across some weird men in the woods and being unable to lean on civilisation to keep the men from being psychologically or physically abusive. The danger isn't nature. That's the same for men and women (though you might argue a case that women are more susceptible to hypothermia... but I highly doubt anyone thinks about that). This is…

> society caters to women a bit more than men It's more that women constantly negotiate environments to keep the number of friendly men greater than the number of sketchy men, so they don't get raped and murdered. In the woods, you get what you get. Even worse, both you and the man you run into know that if he rapes and murders you, he'll get away clean. She's got to rely on the stranger not wanting to rape and murde…

Did I read correctly ? You barely estimate murderers and rappers to be 20% of the male population ? What are your sources for those figures ?

Re: On Solitude

#35
post #14

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I think there are a lot of things that men take for granted that are not equally available to women. To me, the thought of going into the woods for a weekend with no connection to the outside world sounds peaceful and rather wonderful. But to my wife, it would sound downright alarming. I think it's hard to focus on connecting with one's true self while also worrying about one's physical safety. So I'd like to read mo…

Somewhat unrelated to your point but something I always found kind of hilarious is the fact that Thoreau had his laundry and food shopping/prep done by some local women while he was living his 'spartan' life in the woods.

And went into massive debt to fund his sabbatical.

Re: On Solitude

#37
post #34

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> society caters to women a bit more than men It's more that women constantly negotiate environments to keep the number of friendly men greater than the number of sketchy men, so they don't get raped and murdered. In the woods, you get what you get. Even worse, both you and the man you run into know that if he rapes and murders you, he'll get away clean. She's got to rely on the stranger not wanting to rape and murde…

Did I read correctly ? You barely estimate murderers and rappers to be 20% of the male population ? What are your sources for those figures ?

[deleted]

Re: On Solitude

#39

This piece reads like some westerner that hasn't practiced meditation in any way before. Which imo, leads to the stupid trap that a lot of westerners like to believe in meditation and make an effort to do it as some sort of "healthy" lifestyle choice (a la Sam Harris; although I do admire his work). Just because you did a retreat for a few weeks by no means opened the stars in your eyes and changed the world. You're…

That’s an uncharitable reading of the piece, particularly because TFA says that it isn’t intended as meditation and allows his mind to wander. It certainly seems like a much looser practice than most meditation-mindfulness wellness remedies. All it is is transporting the self fifteen years in time to the pre-smartphone era.

Re: On Solitude

#40

This piece reads like some westerner that hasn't practiced meditation in any way before. Which imo, leads to the stupid trap that a lot of westerners like to believe in meditation and make an effort to do it as some sort of "healthy" lifestyle choice (a la Sam Harris; although I do admire his work). Just because you did a retreat for a few weeks by no means opened the stars in your eyes and changed the world. You're…

“ Which imo, leads to the stupid trap that a lot of westerners like to believe in meditation and make an effort to do it as some sort of "healthy" lifestyle choice (a la Sam Harris; although I do admire his work)”

Sounds to me like a total misrepresentation of Sam Harris’ work and stance in this field. He’s definitely more in the “you are not special, we all die” camp.

Have you tried his Waking Up app?

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