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America's “Friendscape” Crisis

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Re: America's “Friendscape” Crisis

#31

Post by MeinBlutIstBlau »

mschuster91 wrote: post #9

I see a lot of "it's the computers/smartphone!" and "it's corona" takes in these kind of articles. However, there is one in the article who has the real reason and not a scapegoat: > "We realize the importance of friendship, and we're just not investing the time," he said, adding that it's another way the nation is "vulnerable." Too many people don't have the resources to invest in friendships. Mostly it's time - wor…

I've mentioned this in another comment about a month ago but it is smartphones. You go to a bar as a regular once or twice a week, even people you know on a first name basis whip out their phones to talk to friends who aren't even there. Um...hello? I'm right next to you, present and willing to communicate, taking the initiative and effort to come out. Why are you ignoring me for the other person who isn't even there?

Phones have made personal relationships much harder because now people can talk to other people not even present far more conveniently. It is a double edge sword in it's entirety. It makes communication convenient and effortless, but also makes personal relationships just as difficult to maintain since you can just text instead of meeting up to get to know how someone's life has been going.

>Too many people don't have the resources to invest in friendships.

I don't believe that for a second. The simple fact that social media is alive and well wasting billions of hours of free time is more than enough to refute that point altogether. People in the past had time for friends and now suddenly they don't? I'd argue it's because people are spending more time on their phones texting or using social media than they are actually physically talking. As I've personally witnessed in many bars. I've had great chats with random strangers who were in the Gen-X or higher age group more than I have in the millennial and younger. Do you know why? They weren't staring at their phones the moment the conversation kinda died. Do you know what they did? They also tried to talk and bring something up during the conversation!

Re: America's “Friendscape” Crisis

#32

Post by maxerickson »

Footkerchief wrote: post #13

Personally, I'm convinced that parasocial relationships are outcompeting social relationships. You can risk your ego putting yourself out there in real life, or you can let a recommendation algorithm serve you content that gives you the feeling of being seen and understood without requiring any reciprocal vulnerability on your part.

Do people on both sides of parasocial relationships feel seen and understood?

I thought the definition there was people that gave attention to someone that doesn't return it?

Re: America's “Friendscape” Crisis

#33

Post by pantalaimon »

ben_w wrote: post #20
jbay808 wrote: post #17

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Agreed. I'd love to see more apartment buildings have bakeries, cafes, or other public spaces on the ground floor. Then you can get to know not only your neighbours in your own apartment building, but in shared spaces for the surrounding areas too.

My apartment (in Germany, not USA) has that. I hope it reopens after the pandemic.

That's unfortunately only true for old (100+ years) buildings, most newer developments don't have commercial space in the ground floor.

Re: America's “Friendscape” Crisis

#34

Post by russellbeattie »

The reality is that this type of thing takes decades to change, so no advice in this thread is going to have much of an effect. If you're really interested in making new friends before you die, move to another country, or get lucky and marry someone who's social or has a big family. If you don't drink alcohol though, give it up, as that will basically destroy any chances of anyone befriending you as an adult.

Re: America's “Friendscape” Crisis

#35

Post by ramphastidae »

nine_zeros wrote: post #30

Upper middle class in America is unique. They have EVERYTHING that humanity can provide. They have access and ability to do anything. Yet, they are all stuck in the never ending rat race. The excessive focus on the rat race leads to less energy and time left for friendships. The little time that is left is left only for superficial acquaintances. You know, the kind where people talk to each other like a sitcom. Every…

> Americans just don't want to engage in this kind of "unproductive" lifestyle. It's all about work, career, money.

It’s not that we don’t want to, it’s that our society’s design discourages this. For the most part, if you don’t have a GOOD job in the US, you don’t get healthcare or retirement. And even the employers at those good jobs can and do fire employees at any time, for any reason. Given the cost of healthcare without insurance and lack of social safety net, l I don’t think it’s hyperbole to say that for most Americans, even upper middle class, holding on to their jobs is a matter of life and death.

Re: America's “Friendscape” Crisis

#36

Post by detaro »

maxerickson wrote: post #32
Footkerchief wrote: post #13

Personally, I'm convinced that parasocial relationships are outcompeting social relationships. You can risk your ego putting yourself out there in real life, or you can let a recommendation algorithm serve you content that gives you the feeling of being seen and understood without requiring any reciprocal vulnerability on your part.

Do people on both sides of parasocial relationships feel seen and understood? I thought the definition there was people that gave attention to someone that doesn't return it?

Doesn't really return it, but it feels that way for the viewer. A TV/Youtube/... personality feels familiar because parts of the brain don't care that the familiar tone, repeated in-jokes, ..., all the things that build familiarity, are not for the individual viewer specifically.

Re: America's “Friendscape” Crisis

#38

Post by ben_w »

pantalaimon wrote: post #33
ben_w wrote: post #20

Earlier quoted context omitted.

My apartment (in Germany, not USA) has that. I hope it reopens after the pandemic.

That's unfortunately only true for old (100+ years) buildings, most newer developments don't have commercial space in the ground floor.

Anecdotally it feels like it should be more complex than that, as two of the three whose construction I’ve watched to completion since I moved here have ground floor commercial space.

Re: America's “Friendscape” Crisis

#39

Post by Ajay-p »

Social media has given us the illusion of unlimited choice and availability in our social lives. It's like a drug that makes you think the world is at your doorstep, when in reality it's the complete opposite. The single greatest thing a person can do to improve their social life is to delete their social media accounts.

Re: America's “Friendscape” Crisis

#40

Post by Footkerchief »

maxerickson wrote: post #32
Footkerchief wrote: post #13

Personally, I'm convinced that parasocial relationships are outcompeting social relationships. You can risk your ego putting yourself out there in real life, or you can let a recommendation algorithm serve you content that gives you the feeling of being seen and understood without requiring any reciprocal vulnerability on your part.

Do people on both sides of parasocial relationships feel seen and understood? I thought the definition there was people that gave attention to someone that doesn't return it?

My perception is that people on the 'consumer' side of parasocial relationships do feel understood, and that that feeling is their main motivation for taking part in the relationship. The feeling is no less real for being the product of automated market research and micro-targeting, instead of personal intimacy.
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