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Show HN: I’m an introvert – made an app to help maintain connections with people

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Re: Show HN: I’m an introvert – made an app to help maintain connections with people

#151

Post by mrleinad »

brushfoot wrote: post #68

Yuck. If interacting with me is such a chore that someone has to automate it, I'd rather not hear from them. People don't want to be your duties. They want to be your pleasures. This changes messages from "I felt like talking to you" to "my scheduled trigger fired; please start a conversation so I can check you off my checklist." If I found out someone were using this to communicate with me, I'd frankly cut them out…

It is tedious for me to have to remember friends and family's birthdays. I care about them, but I don't want to have the mental hassle of actually remembering that today is someone's birthday. So I have a calendar remind me of that.

Am I a bad friend because I do that? If not, why is it so different than texting someone because you haven't interacted with them for a while? Would it be better if instead of automatically texting them, it would "remind you" to text them and give you a text suggestion?

Re: Show HN: I’m an introvert – made an app to help maintain connections with people

#152

Post by imiric »

fastball wrote: post #73
tssva wrote: post #72

Earlier quoted context omitted.

It may not be because they are being a sociopath but it also isn't just because of being an introvert. What you are describing is social anxiety which some introverts have and others do not.

Nobody said all introverts ("can be hard"). I think you'd classify anyone with social anxiety as an introvert. Therefore this is a problem that introverts have.

That's incorrect. Extroverts can also be shy and be affected by social anxiety. Having those conflicting traits together is often more frustrating than for introverts.

Re: Show HN: I’m an introvert – made an app to help maintain connections with people

#155

Post by TeeTwoLee »

fastball wrote: post #58
snet0 wrote: post #53

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I came to this thread earlier and thought I'd taken crazy pills, so I'd check back later. Not a single non-positive comment. People who use this or think this is a good thing have fundamentally misunderstood social interaction. Your girlfriend doesn't want the signal that you care, she wants you to actually care, and keeping in contact is an expression of caring. If you need to forge something this foundational, I'm…

I think the part you're missing is that this is supposed to be followed up by actual conversations and interactions. There are a great many friends where Life Happens™ and although I genuinely care about them, I haven't contacted them in months / years (and vice versa) because I'm not generally the type to initiate small-talk. That doesn't mean I don't enjoy catching up with friends and going over the little things i…

I agree. Most people are happy when I reach out to them, but I have what feels like an irrational feeling that people don't want me to reach out. I don't particularly care about the pre-made messages in the app, but making reaching out to people an obligation by using reminders means I make time for friends.

Re: Show HN: I’m an introvert – made an app to help maintain connections with people

#156

Post by brujoand »

ogwh wrote: post #42

This doesn't help you maintain connections with people, it's emotional forgery and anyone caught using something like this will find their "connections" evaporate instantly. If you want to maintain connections with people put the effort in, that's the substance of the connection in the first place. If you don't, then don't. People want to feel like they matter to you, so you contacting them shows that you care about…

Great points, and I agree. But… As someone with ADHD one of the less talked about problems is remembering things that aren’t happening right now. Friends and family are the biggest problems in this category. And friends eventually stop reaching out because I just don’t think about contacting them without there being a specific reason for doing so. It’s not because I don’t care, it just doesn’t come up in my busy brain. And the few times I do remember they’re almost shocked that I reached out.

It is very painful to lose friends you care about. It’s much worse to lose them because you made them feel unimportant by not staying in touch. An app like this could really help in that way. Just by being the nudge to start the interaction.

Re: Show HN: I’m an introvert – made an app to help maintain connections with people

#157

Post by tssva »

TristanBall wrote: post #131
fastball wrote: post #98

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> Introvert: a shy, reticent person. What person with social anxiety does that not apply to? No idea why the two of you are quibbling over the use of the word introvert here.

People with social anxiety often come accross as introverted, because they are anxious about interacting - however that doesn't mean they don't want to interact, the desire might be extremely strong, exacerbated be the perceived difficulty in doing so. Compare an introvert who is not socially anxious, who simple has a lower desire to interact. Likewise, some socially anxious people cope by being more extroverted, lou…

Introverts don't even necessarily have a lower desire to interact. Many introverts very much desire to interact and do frequently interact with others. They just do so in a different manner than extroverts. Usually more one on one and often for a shorter duration than extroverts.

Re: Show HN: I’m an introvert – made an app to help maintain connections with people

#158

Post by aix1 »

jlokier wrote: post #141
smt88 wrote: post #137

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> Then you end up with unread messages for weeks at a time. If people are a priority for you, then you need to just make time. No one is unable to spare 5 minutes to text back. You just have to sacrifice 5 minutes of something else, whether it's work, a video game, or a hobby. If you can't spare that, then I guess accept that those people aren't that important to you.

It takes many of us longer than 5 minutes to compose the BEST response (part of option 2), especially if you have a queue built up.

Perhaps composing the BEST response isn't the right tradeoff vs being available for your friends and not leaving them hanging?

A person I'm close to does this (takes days/weeks to respond to anything). Important as they are to me, I've basically written them off as someone I can rely on.

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