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On incels, dead bedrooms and the hard problems of loneliness

residentcontrarian.substack.com

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Re: On incels, dead bedrooms and the hard problems of loneliness

#781

Post by GavinMcG »

zajio1am wrote: post #748
GavinMcG wrote: post #605

Earlier quoted context omitted.

The proof is that men aren't described as gatekeepers, even though just like women, they choose to have sex with certain people, and not with others. The "gate" you're talking about uncontroversially belongs to each individual in the form of their bodily autonomy. Yet women are uniquely cast as "keeping out" certain people. That's not a matter of dimorphism: that's a matter of mens' bodily autonomy being assumed, and…

Gatekeeping is relevant only when there is scarcity. If there is a pair of people (A, B) where A's desire for sex is three times bigger than B's, then although both A and B have full bodily autonomy (that nobody disputes), in practice only B would be a gatekeeper, as sex for A is scarce, while sex for B is plentiful (relative to their desires). The same argument could be generalized to society. If one gender has on a…

Exactly, which gets back to the actual underlying dynamic: the accusation of gatekeeping only makes sense on a societal level, not an individual one, and can only be turned into an equality issue if one (silently) shifts back to the perspective of an individual who believes they are entitled to an equal amount of sex.

Re: On incels, dead bedrooms and the hard problems of loneliness

#782

Post by proxyon »

ClumsyPilot wrote: post #751
krrrh wrote: post #724

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Widely and freely available HD porn too. It’s easier than ever for people to use it as a substitute, and it reduces the drive to seduce. It contributes to a downward spiral of satisficing. Edit: Getting downvotes from folks in denial. I’m not making this stuff up, college students rarely used to have ED, now porn-induced ED is quite common. Many such cases! [0] [0] https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5039517…

I thought porn was supposed to make people into sexual deviants, which is it?

It reduces the novelty of real sex and thus the arousal for it. Lots of studies on this.

Re: On incels, dead bedrooms and the hard problems of loneliness

#783

Post by proxyon »

supernovae wrote: post #668
AnthonyMouse wrote: post #595

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Sounds like we need to address depression and anxiety with something other than drugs.

Shorter work weeks, universal healthcare, affordable housing, open borders, freedom to travel, less consumerism, more time for friends/family...

> open borders

No thanks. Feel free to go conduct extreme social experiments with your own life, not mine.

Re: On incels, dead bedrooms and the hard problems of loneliness

#784

Post by harambae »

Itsdijital wrote: post #744
justwalt wrote: post #701

Great post. As a man in my twenties, I think that, even though we’re hearing about this from the men at the bottom end of the sexual-success spectrum, the problem is still being felt by average men as well. Many of my friends have complained about how dating these days feels like women are always holding out for the next best thing, and I have to agree with them. A female friend of mine echoed a bit of the sentiment…

>She felt like her ego was being inflated in a way that was unhealthy, and so she turned away from online dating and eventually met her fiancé through mutual friends. I am not surprised she is engaged.

I was about to post this same thing. That takes an extraordinary amount of self-awareness and maturity on her part which can't be common.

Re: On incels, dead bedrooms and the hard problems of loneliness

#785

Post by [deleted] »

amznthrowaway5 wrote: post #712
Balgair wrote: post #455

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> Essentially, what we have right now in the sexual marketplace echoes what we have in the economy... a lot of the sex is being had by a small fraction of the people. (Emphasis mine) Possibly. DNA analysis shows that for every 17 human females that reproduced, one male reproduced. Meaning that quite high rates of polygamy, rape, or other unbalancing factors were the norm in human history. http://awakeningtimes.com/80…

There was some mating skew no doubt. But that number is total nonsense and the study does not show that.

[deleted]

Re: On incels, dead bedrooms and the hard problems of loneliness

#786

Post by proxyon »

swiley wrote: post #584
schnevets wrote: post #245

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I am frequently surprised by the number of "dead bedrooms" I know about among friends, and I sincerely believe the problem is the western world's secretly coy perception of sex. There is a superficial surface level that is extremely wrong (for example, Successful people have sex, the most successful people have the hottest sex with the hottest partners; Sex isn't about planning it's about letting the desire overcome…

I used to think this (Americans don't have sex because they're shy about it) but the data says the opposite.

My hypothesis is that Americans are both hypersexual (due to media, porn abuse, etc) and thus deprived of good sex as a result of the over stimulation toward faked, idealized, porn-ified sex. I have no evidence for this, it is merely a hunch and seems to align with what I have heard from people who have moved here from other countries. My parents themselves were immigrants and were shocked at the hypersexuality when they moved here. Simultaneously to that, they were shocked you couldn't even see a boob on TV. The natural human body itself was censored but gigantic fake boobs and butts were plastered all over MTV and VH1, albeit clothed. They'd also never heard of the over emphasis and anxiety over penis size until they came here.

Re: On incels, dead bedrooms and the hard problems of loneliness

#787

Post by Balgair »

amznthrowaway5 wrote: post #735
letonmorri wrote: post #726

Earlier quoted context omitted.

It makes sense for how tough life was 8000 years ago, I wonder what it was prior to ww1, and if that would be a useful comparison as well.

No it doesn't https://westhunt.wordpress.com/2015/03/21/y-chromosome-crash...

Respectfully, after reading the original paper, I agree with the findings of the authors. The last bit in the abstract puts their findings the best:

"In contrast to demographic reconstructions based on mtDNA, we infer a second strong bottleneck in Y-chromosome lineages dating to the last 10 ky. We hypothesize that this bottleneck is caused by cultural changes affecting variance of reproductive success among males."

Saying that the average man reproduces less than the average woman seems to fit the facts as presented in the paper. I've not read other papers that may refute that one though. This is not my area of expertise.

Re: On incels, dead bedrooms and the hard problems of loneliness

#788

Post by RhysU »

toyg wrote: post #396
ceilingcorner wrote: post #368

Earlier quoted context omitted.

These aren’t either or situations. Acting as if the only options are an abusive marriage or prostitution is really misleading. There are plenty of ways to incentivize monogamy, disincentivize divorce, and yet still allow for individual freedom. Why haven’t these been tested? I’ll suggest because like all movements, the gender equality movement has been driven largely by extremist activists (who gain social power) and…

> Why haven’t these been tested? Have they not? Marriage is widely incentivized in most societies. The UK reality at the moment, for example, heavily punishes singles: the housing markets optimizes for two incomes, pricing out singles; the taxing system favours spreading income over two individuals; and you have plenty of other marriage-related allowances. I'd be surprised if this was significantly different in the U…

Comically, going from a one-income household to a two-income household to a three-income household to a ... one arrives at the flat tax.

Re: On incels, dead bedrooms and the hard problems of loneliness

#789

Post by kelnos »

standardUser wrote: post #614
theropost wrote: post #380

It must be confusing to be a boy these days with all the conflicting messaging on how they should or should not be. The expectations of men are conflicting, confusing, uneven, and ever-changing. Equality is thrown around, with many exceptions across the board. Men simply bite their tongues in society, and are expected to do so without much complaint. Men are told to share their feelings, but then ignored or shamed wh…

Your son will likely never be sexually harassed or assaulted, which is something we can't say about most women.

Please don't attempt to argue things like this. "Group A doesn't have X problem that group B has, so group A's problem Y doesn't matter." That's entirely unrelated and not helpful.

Re: On incels, dead bedrooms and the hard problems of loneliness

#790

Post by _carbyau_ »

serverholic wrote: post #648
colmvp wrote: post #263

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Some of my best friends are women and have been there for me in ways that my other guy friends certainly haven't during bouts of loneliness during times of lockdowns. But perhaps it is different when it comes to partners.

Assuming you're a straight male, I dare you to cry in front of your girlfriend/wife.

I do generally once a month with zero issue.

This "men don't cry" thing is a point of toxic masculinity. Men and women both perpetuate it. 'Tis silly.

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