Hacker News Board Hacker News, browsed like a classic message board
Live data from Hacker News

The unusual ways Western parents raise children

bbc.com

Post reply on HN
Print view View original

461–470 of 684 posts

Re: The unusual ways Western parents raise children

#461

Post by choeger »

watertom wrote: post #232
gdubs wrote: post #171

One of the hardest thing about being a parent today is the constant shame and confusion about the “right” way to do it. We don’t live in a hunter gatherer society anymore, we just don’t. There’s lots of wisdom in that way of life, and sure we could learn from it — but there’s enough anxiety as it is, parents don’t need more of it. We have three kids and we sleep trained them. (Not a pediatrician, standard disclaimer.…

3 children, we only slept them in their rooms, starting day 10. Naps, day sleep, everything, they slept in their room and in their crib. The room was light controlled, meaning there was no light at all. They quickly associated any sleep with their room and their crib. We used a baby motion sleep mat for peace of mind for SIDS, the thing was so sensitive it could detect the breathing, but if the baby moved off the mat…

That begs the question: How did you feed the little ones? Having a baby in its own room from day 10 implies a very high effort feeding schedule, no?

Re: The unusual ways Western parents raise children

#462

Post by NovaJehovah »

spamizbad wrote: post #450
NovaJehovah wrote: post #375

Earlier quoted context omitted.

"And some of claims that a baby crying is dumping enough cortisol into their bodies it will permanently damage their brains is NOT supported by science." This is misleading. You're correct that there is not conclusive scientific evidence either way, but there are decent studies that support the cortisol theory. Not necessarily that it will "damage their brains", but that cortisol levels spike during sleep training an…

I get the impression you're equating sleep training with the old fashioned "cry it out" method. We loosely followed the Karp method and had very little crying and a very happy baby.

In my experience, "sleep training" is just a more palatable euphemism for "cry it out". My view is that however you slice it, you are conditioning the baby that no one will respond to its distress.

I'm glad you feel it worked out well for you. I honestly hope it doesn't cause problems, because it's very widespread. Based on our reading of the available evidence, we weren't willing to take the risk. Our lives certainly would be easier if we reached the opposite conclusion.

Re: The unusual ways Western parents raise children

#464

Post by dr_orpheus »

rustybelt wrote: post #436
enobrev wrote: post #286

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I'm positive of two things in regards to being a parent (and a human): 1. I have no idea what I'm doing 2. Neither does anyone else.

I'll add, the people saying something works and the people saying it doesn't are both right.

Definitely, every baby is different and what works for one baby may not work for another.

Re: The unusual ways Western parents raise children

#465

Post by mywittyname »

thebruce87m wrote: post #434
jqgatsby wrote: post #325

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Hey, wait, what is the advice to avoid drowning, other than not leaving them alone? Is there some subtle hazard I’m unaware of?

Never leave them for even a second in the bath (drowning) and never leave them alone with food (choking).

It sounds so obvious, until your dog gets his head stuck in the ficus tree planter and you can hear him running around, destroying your entire living room. You have to resist that initial urge to go help him until you've cleaned up the 16 blueberry puffs you've been coaxing your child to eat.

Re: The unusual ways Western parents raise children

#466

Post by mywacaday »

gdubs wrote: post #171

One of the hardest thing about being a parent today is the constant shame and confusion about the “right” way to do it. We don’t live in a hunter gatherer society anymore, we just don’t. There’s lots of wisdom in that way of life, and sure we could learn from it — but there’s enough anxiety as it is, parents don’t need more of it. We have three kids and we sleep trained them. (Not a pediatrician, standard disclaimer.…

My wife and I went through the usual western slepo traibit cry out etc, I read an article about sleep cycles before electricity wher people had two sleeps per night, first one after dinner for 4-5 hours then and hour or two away where people had a snack or talked etc then went back to sleep for another few hours, I would liked to have tried that schedule with our kids even as a experiment, the sleep deprivation is horrible, I wonder if we aligned our schedule with our kids would it be better for everyone especially when they are babies

Re: The unusual ways Western parents raise children

#467

Post by genrez »

LegitShady wrote: post #367
genrez wrote: post #257

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I agree that the article does choose not to say that their claims are backed with evidence. The article in fact does correctly state that they don't have evidence that bed-sharing is safer. However, they do state that room-sharing is current pediatric best practice, and provide links [1], [2] to articles to back that up. Given that as far as I know, room-sharing is not standard Western parenting practice, I believe t…

Again, this article is written poorly, the headline is pure clickbait, and its worthy of any criticism it garners. It's great to steelman someone else's arguments in a discussion. It's terrible to let BBC print garbage with clickbait headlines without criticism, because it will keep happening, and its bad for society. It doesn't make the point your making, and the way it goes about making its point is not something I…

I agree that the article is poorly written, and doesn't more than tangentially make the point I was making. I think I can understand why you would want criticism a poorly written article in the supposedly high quality BBC. My curiosity is peeked about the inclusive society point. Nothing in the article ran afoul of my speech norms. I don't think my speech norms are particularly well developed though. What part of the way the article makes its point is something you would not accept?

Re: The unusual ways Western parents raise children

#468

Post by dantillberg »

NovaJehovah wrote: post #309
gdubs wrote: post #171

One of the hardest thing about being a parent today is the constant shame and confusion about the “right” way to do it. We don’t live in a hunter gatherer society anymore, we just don’t. There’s lots of wisdom in that way of life, and sure we could learn from it — but there’s enough anxiety as it is, parents don’t need more of it. We have three kids and we sleep trained them. (Not a pediatrician, standard disclaimer.…

I'll probably get downvoted, but I strongly disagree with this mindset. Raising kids is not a fun hobby or a side project that will fit into a neat little drawer in your life. You have an obligation to do the best that you can. Yeah, it's hard. Yeah, it's stressful. Like it or not, that's what you signed up for. So step up. Like anything else in life, you can do a good job or a bad job at being a parent. If you're pr…

Yes, I downvoted your comment. I don't doubt your intentions are admirable, but please don't shame strangers.

GP is trying to survive in the world in which they find themselves. Will sniping some guilt at them summon up some hidden parenting strength?

Re: The unusual ways Western parents raise children

#469

Post by Wowfunhappy »

aiilns wrote: post #203
ragnese wrote: post #151

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I'm in the U.S. I personally know a non-trivial number of women who have gone through absolutely intense (real, diagnosed) anxiety and depression because of having to feed formula to their child instead of breast milk. If you ever get to peek into these "mommy groups" on social media or in person, you can see how much shaming goes on in there. And the breast milk one is one of the biggest issues people get shamed for…

Well good advice in general, even though the way you phrase your comment makes it look like you think breast feeding is no better than the formulas. I am a medical student and we have been told at uni from professors (paediatricians) that breast feeding _is_ better than formulas I think with regards to asthma or some other allergic stuff. There are reasons that mothers should not or cannot breastfeed and it's not the…

Sure, I think we can all acknowledge that medically speaking, breastfeeding is ideal. But if it’s not feasible, mothers shouldn’t feel guilty about it. There are all sorts of ways you can provide for your child.

Re: The unusual ways Western parents raise children

#470

Post by retrac »

thombee wrote: post #394
dom96 wrote: post #297

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I've been wondering the same, the BBC article explains: > the most extreme version of which involves leaving a baby on their own to "cry it out", in an effort to encourage their babies to sleep for longer stretches so their parents can get some much-needed rest. I'm not a parent but that sounds pretty sensible to me. Odd of the BBC to call it "extreme".

The baby is crying because they want attachment to the parent. Give them the love they want. Don't deprive them of love by letting them cry it out. Comfort them!

You're not wrong. But at the same time... it's a very effective method with some babies. One thing often missing from these discussions is the practicality. Yes, responding to your child like that would be ideal. But it just can't be done if they literally just cry constantly when put to bed. And some babies do that! Sleep-deprived parents who come to actively resent their child's crying is a very real thing. And probably far worse for development and attachment.
Post reply on HN