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How to buy gifts that people actually want

willpatrick.co.uk

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Re: How to buy gifts that people actually want

#131

Post by Aachen »

tbirdz wrote: post #18

What do you do if you genuinely don't want anything? It seems like people don't believe you and keep harassing you asking for what you really want, and then get really frustrated when you keep saying "No, really I don't want anything ". Then they either respect your wishes and don't get anything, but seem to harbor some kind of resentment against you in their heart, or they get some random garbage you don't want and…

If it's an option, just don't have an opportunity to be given gifts. Make it clear you literally don't want a gift and make them find a moment to give it to you if they insist on going against your express request. This isn't always an option, like if there's a Christmas party with an inviting-looking tree, but it can be on a birthday organised out of the house.

Re: How to buy gifts that people actually want

#132

Post by therealx »

graftak wrote: post #22
tbirdz wrote: post #18

What do you do if you genuinely don't want anything? It seems like people don't believe you and keep harassing you asking for what you really want, and then get really frustrated when you keep saying "No, really I don't want anything ". Then they either respect your wishes and don't get anything, but seem to harbor some kind of resentment against you in their heart, or they get some random garbage you don't want and…

Ask for consumables

Truth, including gift cards for things you already use. Already pay for spotify? Ask for a year gift card. It makes the other party happy and you can do something else with the money.

Re: How to buy gifts that people actually want

#134

Post by dataflow »

joshstrange wrote: post #21

Best gift advice I give regularly: Keep a note on your phone (doesn't matter the app Apple Notes, Google Keep, SimpleNote, Drafts, etc) with a header for each person you want to get a gift for. Throughout the year whenever you hear them say "I love X author" or "I'm getting into Y hobby" then add a little note under their name. These can be as simple as "Coconut La Croix is their favorite seltzer flavor and brand" to…

It's really good advice if you're only doing this once per person, but you want to be a bit more careful that it doesn't lose its effectiveness if you want to be able to do it multiple times. Not sure if this happens for other people, but I know when I've gotten gifts based on my comments, I've sometimes started watching what I comment on with that person, which has affected my comments thereafter... not because the gifts turn out bad, but because there's frequently a non-financial reason I hadn't gotten those things myself earlier. e.g., maybe I feel it's just not worth anyone's money, I don't have room for it, maybe I feel it's a waste of resources, etc.

So I feel like to make this work well you really have to know the person well to know why they haven't gotten the gift themselves already. One category of things where I think you can avoid the above problem easily (at least I have when I've tried it) is consumables, especially edibles. If you know your friend loves to eat something, then you can always buy them more of it; it's really hard to miss here. On the other hand, if you buy them something else, you might not know what the implications are. For example, if you know their computer is low on RAM and you buy them memory... you have no idea if they might've (say) only been putting it off because they plan to get a new computer anyway. Though, I guess is this easy to solve—just ask them on the spot why they haven't gotten that thing yet.

Re: How to buy gifts that people actually want

#135

Post by willpatrick »

Afton wrote: post #4

Interesting that they didn't really touch on what I consider the hardest part of buying for someone: domain expertise. If I am known as 'into' something, then the likelihood that someone who isn't also into that same thing will come up with a good gift is shockingly low. I bake bread, for example. A book of 100 bread recipes is basically dead weight to me. I have a friend who is really into knives of various sorts. E…

Hey Afton! Yes, I definitely should have talked more about this. I got close to it once or twice, but it's an omission to be sure. (I have a friend who's big into cycling and is, therefore, impossible to buy cycling gifts for because nothing will cut the mustard.) Basically, I a) wasn't able to find much in the way of research that supported what I wanted to say and b) fumbled this point and should have found a way to stick it in there somehow.

But then again I had no idea it would hit the top of HN. I'll be more careful next time!!

Re: How to buy gifts that people actually want

#136

Post by nescioquid »

nicbou wrote: post #80
Sohcahtoa82 wrote: post #75

Earlier quoted context omitted.

When possible, this is when gift cards are great. My niece is an aspiring artist, and rather than trying to find out what art supplies she wants/needs, I got her a gift card to the art supply store that I know she shops at. Of course, "when possible" is a key word here. Not every store sells gift cards, and sometimes the well-known stores aren't the best deals. Like, I might be interested in making fun electric gadge…

Honestly I'm not a big fan of gift cards. The point of gift giving is to show you care, and gift cards feel like you're just trying to fulfil a social obligation without putting much thought into it. I'd rather use them as a last resort, for people I don't know so well.

I have a lot of hang-ups about gifts, largely because of the way this cultural ideal of the "thoughtful gift" plays against a personality more preoccupied with ideas rather than people and relationships. And so, rather than merely "fulfill a social obligation", I largely found ways to avoid it altogether.

But now I think that was a foolish dismissal of social obligation. It really is the act itself that has the most significance, less so the content. To wit, the article's advice that in most cases, cash is fine.

Re: How to buy gifts that people actually want

#137

Post by autarch »

I like charity gifts!

For many years, I've made enough money that the the things I want are either easily affordable (rock climbing equipment, a gaming console, etc.) or completely unrealistic as gifts (two round trip first class tickets to Taiwan). And this is compounded by the fact that I'm the most expert person among my friends and family on most of my interests.

So for many years I've asked people not to buy me gifts for birthdays or other occasions, but to instead donate to an animal advocacy nonprofit (and I'll suggest some to them). I'm _much_ happier to see them spend some of their money improving the state of the world, as opposed to getting me stuff that I don't need or could purchase for myself any time I wanted it.

That said, some relatives still get me gifts, but at least they're very usable, like gift cards to my favorite restaurants or book store.

Re: How to buy gifts that people actually want

#138

Post by kzzzznot »

Chris2048 wrote: post #113
Afton wrote: post #74

Earlier quoted context omitted.

You can, but if you consider knives an uninteresting kitchen tool, then you have just given them a $300 knife that they will feel bad about every time they use it open a can of beans. btw: if you do know about knives, please hit me up at my email address and let me pick your brain a bit. [Edit: my email address wasn't in my profile. fixed, but I'll reach out to folks shortly, thanks!].

Anyone opening a can with a knife should feel bad about it.

I have a nasty scar down my finger from opening a bottle with a knife, I’d advise against using knives like this.

Re: How to buy gifts that people actually want

#139

Post by joshstrange »

the_af wrote: post #106
joshstrange wrote: post #21

Best gift advice I give regularly: Keep a note on your phone (doesn't matter the app Apple Notes, Google Keep, SimpleNote, Drafts, etc) with a header for each person you want to get a gift for. Throughout the year whenever you hear them say "I love X author" or "I'm getting into Y hobby" then add a little note under their name. These can be as simple as "Coconut La Croix is their favorite seltzer flavor and brand" to…

> Throughout the year whenever you hear them say "I love X author" I thought of this, but one risk is that if you know they love the author, they probably already own the book. And if they don't love the author, you're back to "will they like my gift?".

That's totally fair and this is a hard one I'll admit. I've done it for when I know there is a new book coming out that they might not have on their radar or I will ask friends/family of the person if they have the book. Not a perfect system and probably not the best example.

Re: How to buy gifts that people actually want

#140

Post by therealx »

WarOnPrivacy wrote: post #124
spoonjim wrote: post #2

This person is a robot or something. They're missing the most important component of value of a gift -- that the value of something is higher when it's a gift from a loved one. If I have a wireless charging dock or a rhyming dictionary or an umbrella that I really love, I love it 2x more if it was a gift from my wife and 10x more if it was a gift from my kids.

> the value of something is higher when it's a gift from a loved one. There's pitfalls with this too. A loved one bought me a genealogy DNA kit - because I do tons of genealogy. But I also do IT security for a living. DNA databases are a magnet for powerful bad actors and submitting my DNA to one would introduce new risk to me and my family members. This loved one lives in a world where this sort of risk is invisible…

Ugh, I have almost the same issue. I think I'll regift it to someone who understands but doesnt care. Have you looked into the genetic squencing offered at education places/third party businesses? They are a little more expensive (starting at $500, I think.)
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