How to buy gifts that people actually want • Hacker News Board

Re: How to buy gifts that people actually want

#31

Post by alex_anglin » Tue, Dec 01, 2020, 8:18 PM UTC

tbirdz wrote: post #18

What do you do if you genuinely don't want anything? It seems like people don't believe you and keep harassing you asking for what you really want, and then get really frustrated when you keep saying "No, really I don't want anything ". Then they either respect your wishes and don't get anything, but seem to harbor some kind of resentment against you in their heart, or they get some random garbage you don't want and…

Experiences can be a good candidate, particularly if the're shared between giftee and gifter. As always, the devil is in the details.

Re: How to buy gifts that people actually want

#32

Post by ebg13 » Tue, Dec 01, 2020, 8:19 PM UTC

Afton wrote: post #4

Interesting that they didn't really touch on what I consider the hardest part of buying for someone: domain expertise. If I am known as 'into' something, then the likelihood that someone who isn't also into that same thing will come up with a good gift is shockingly low. I bake bread, for example. A book of 100 bread recipes is basically dead weight to me. I have a friend who is really into knives of various sorts. E…

I have this problem often. I want very few things, I can easily afford everything I want, and the things I might want fall into two categories:

1. I already know the most about the thing and have already found the one that either maximizes the utility/price relationship or maximizes utility below my price sensitivity threshold.

2. I don't know the most about the thing yet and have therefore not decided what I want.

The problem with the first is obvious: I either already own the thing or am about to, so the gift becomes just a cash transfer, and I don't need or want cash transfers from my friends.

The problem with the second is less obvious until you know that I dislike owning things and only choose to own things when they meet the first category.

So what's the answer for people with enough money and interest to buy good things for themselves?

Don't buy them utility gifts if you aren't more passionate than they are.

Buy them only weird sentimental things and quirky consumables that don't have to meet a personalized utility threshold. A small piece of artwork that comes with a note saying "This made me think of you" carries sentimental value and will make the receiver think of giver every time they look at it. A weird chocolate with ants inside will be weird and fun and it won't matter if it isn't the best weird chocolate with ants inside.

Re: How to buy gifts that people actually want

#33

Post by Mediterraneo10 » Tue, Dec 01, 2020, 8:22 PM UTC

thisistheend123 wrote: post #27

Buying a gift is such a 20th century thing. Maybe reaching out to someone on phone or in person, every now and then, in times of happiness and despair, is a greater gift. Dishing out money is the easy way out.

Gift-giving remains a huge part of courtship in cultures all over the world. One's romantic interest often expects to receive tangible, material gifts, not mere chats or emotional support. Even if one lucks out with a romantic interest that doesn't demand those things, perhaps the romantic interest's family expects one to give those gifts as a sign of a seriousness and financial solvency.

Re: How to buy gifts that people actually want

#34

Post by bigbubba » Tue, Dec 01, 2020, 8:22 PM UTC

graftak wrote: post #22

tbirdz wrote: post #18

What do you do if you genuinely don't want anything? It seems like people don't believe you and keep harassing you asking for what you really want, and then get really frustrated when you keep saying "No, really I don't want anything ". Then they either respect your wishes and don't get anything, but seem to harbor some kind of resentment against you in their heart, or they get some random garbage you don't want and…

Ask for consumables

More socks are always nice.

Re: How to buy gifts that people actually want

#35

Post by scrooched_moose » Tue, Dec 01, 2020, 8:23 PM UTC

bitxbitxbitcoin wrote: post #28

Afton wrote: post #4

Interesting that they didn't really touch on what I consider the hardest part of buying for someone: domain expertise. If I am known as 'into' something, then the likelihood that someone who isn't also into that same thing will come up with a good gift is shockingly low. I bake bread, for example. A book of 100 bread recipes is basically dead weight to me. I have a friend who is really into knives of various sorts. E…

Your post really struck a chord with me because I'm the type of person that likes to give books as a gift. As the type of person that would totally give a book of 100 bread recipes to someone that I just know "bakes bread," I'm wondering if you think there are book gifts that someone could get you using that mindset and just a little more thinking about depth of domains. One doesn't need to know anything about baking…

It's not perfect, but depending on how much you know about them, probing niche areas of their interest can work out.

A book of 100 basic bread recipes is nearly useless for an experienced baker. A book of "authentic Mozambique bread recipes" though - that might be very interesting to them because it broadens their knowledge within their field. It's even better if it connects to them in a personal way - a family connection to Mozambique, or traveled there, etc.

It's not foolproof, but it's a big improvement.

Re: How to buy gifts that people actually want

#36

Post by silveroriole » Tue, Dec 01, 2020, 8:23 PM UTC

pbuzbee wrote: post #8

Last year, the adults in my immediate family put a limit on how much we'd spend on each other for Christmas. I think we picked around $20/person, when in the past we probably spent $75-100. This has been good for us, mainly because it lowers the pressure of gift exchanges. There's a big difference between giving (and getting) an unwanted $10 item compared to an unwanted $50 item. The limit removes emphasis from the m…

But there’s also not many gifts I would want that only cost $20. Books, but that’s about it. A nice version of any material item seems to cost at least £30 ($40). What kind of gifts did people get?

Re: How to buy gifts that people actually want

#37

Post by busterarm » Tue, Dec 01, 2020, 8:24 PM UTC

tbirdz wrote: post #18

What do you do if you genuinely don't want anything? It seems like people don't believe you and keep harassing you asking for what you really want, and then get really frustrated when you keep saying "No, really I don't want anything ". Then they either respect your wishes and don't get anything, but seem to harbor some kind of resentment against you in their heart, or they get some random garbage you don't want and…

Ask for hard drugs. :D

Kidding, of course. Gift giving really is often more about satisfying the giver's compulsion to do something for you. It's so that they can feel good.

The other suggestion about a charitable donation is good here, because there's a low bar for effort and they get the satisfaction.

I'm like you, but mostly because I buy for myself anything I want and don't hope that others will do for me. I'm also a screwball, so when people probe me for gift ideas, I challenge them.

I'd tell them things like: Learn a new language. Do that thing you've always been meaning to do. Go after that X you've always wanted.

Re: How to buy gifts that people actually want

#38

Post by 6DM » Tue, Dec 01, 2020, 8:24 PM UTC

mxuribe wrote: post #13

pbuzbee wrote: post #8

Last year, the adults in my immediate family put a limit on how much we'd spend on each other for Christmas. I think we picked around $20/person, when in the past we probably spent $75-100. This has been good for us, mainly because it lowers the pressure of gift exchanges. There's a big difference between giving (and getting) an unwanted $10 item compared to an unwanted $50 item. The limit removes emphasis from the m…

Since around the time of the Great Recession, my siblings, parents, cousins, etc., and I agreed to give gifts to each other only via one of those secret Santa methods with a limit of $40/gift. This has made things so much easier! We only have to gift something to a single recipient, making it less costlier, simplifying the gift idea hassle, and allowing us to focus less on the "shopping bonanza" and more on just enjo…

Honestly, it's just getting harder to participate without buying a bunch of junk. In my family we're keeping the tradition going, but the gifting part is getting harder as we're getting older. The stuff we want is becoming increasingly utilitarian so we don't want to wait, we'll just buy it on the spot. I'm planning to convince them to do either a secret Santa or a white elephant gift exchange next year.

Re: How to buy gifts that people actually want

#39

Post by 1auralynn » Tue, Dec 01, 2020, 8:27 PM UTC

A few years ago I realized the most important part of gift giving is to devote some amount of time to really focus on a person and think about what they might want or like or need. In my opinion, this is the only part that matters, and if you take the pressure off of yourself for actually giving a great gift, sometimes you end up getting them something great anyway, because you're freed up to really meditate on them as a person.

Another tip is to pay attention to what kinds of gifts they give. Many times people just buy others things they want for themselves. e.g. my sister-in-law always bought women earrings, started getting her earrings to great effect!

Re: How to buy gifts that people actually want

#40

Post by jfengel » Tue, Dec 01, 2020, 8:29 PM UTC

tbirdz wrote: post #18

What do you do if you genuinely don't want anything? It seems like people don't believe you and keep harassing you asking for what you really want, and then get really frustrated when you keep saying "No, really I don't want anything ". Then they either respect your wishes and don't get anything, but seem to harbor some kind of resentment against you in their heart, or they get some random garbage you don't want and…

Ask for food. You always need food. They can make it themselves, such as a favorite recipe, which will make it special to them. Or they can buy something that they like and think that you might like, which conveys a connection between you.

If it's good, you get a great memory. Even if it's not, it's soon gone, and not weighing down your life.

There are some who have rigorous diets or otherwise don't want their routine disrupted. This advice won't work for them. In that case, try an event, such as a day out (though the winter solstice may not be the best time for that, especially not during a pandemic).

But in a wide variety of cases, food does everything you want a gift to do. It's something personal that doesn't become a burden. And it can be done for a reasonable amount of money or time.