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The biology of dads

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Re: The biology of dads

#181

Post by kortilla »

zarkov99 wrote: post #168
watwut wrote: post #102

Earlier quoted context omitted.

For whatever is worth, I don't find warrior ideal either. I associate that with someone who is source of danger and threat. Warriors around means that you have to go home shortest route and watch whether the room is dangerous. Athletes have good bodies, but that is about it.

Sure, but morality aside there is something to be admired in people that do dangerous, frightnening and difficult things for a living.

“Difficult” does not belong with the other two and I’m not sure we need to admire people who have to risk their lives so much as pity them. It’s unfortunate we have so many roles in society that still require that.

Re: The biology of dads

#182

Post by blobbers »

This lowering testosterone thing - does this explain the decline of athletes when they become parents? I don't know if a 20% decrease in testosterone has a material effect on the body's ability to produce and maintain muscle mass.

Any Doctors out there? Does it explain the dad-bod?

Re: The biology of dads

#183

Post by Harvey-Specter »

Kluny wrote: post #119
TooRightKite wrote: post #114

Earlier quoted context omitted.

That's nice, but why did your step daughter max the pride-meter instead of one of your own?

You're making a pretty big leap of assumption here. - he didn't say that he had biological kids - the step daughter is his own daughter, they aren't two different things - he didn't say that if he does have biological kids, that he didn't tear up at their graduation - he also didn't specify the ages of any of his kids, so there's no reason to assume that any others have graduated I'm curious as to where those assumpt…

> - he also didn't specify the ages of any of his kids, so there's no reason to assume that any others have graduated

Well, he said he's an empty nester now. So...

Re: The biology of dads

#184

Post by lqet »

bcrosby95 wrote: post #52
bluedays wrote: post #20

>Paradoxically, we found that fathers who activate the anterior cingulate the most when listening to infant crying report the most negative emotional responses to those cries, in particular being more likely to label the cry as spoiled or manipulative. How can greater engagement of a brain region associated with empathy be linked with such negative subjective reactions to the cry? We suspect it relates to a phenomeno…

If you have enough kids it's kinda a sink or swim moment: you learn to tune it out or go crazy. We have twin 2 year olds and a 5 year old. There's been periods of time where there's crying (by at least one of them) for most of the day. When you're 1 on 3 at these sorts of ages it's inevitable. When 1 starts crying in the car and the other 2 start crying because the crying is too loud, there's not much you can do but…

> Because, for example, you peeled their orange for them.

1.5 year old daughter wanted to eat the piece of pasta on the upper right corner of the plate last week. Couldn't manage to get it on the spoon. I helped her, but picked the (equivalent) piece of pasta next to it. The combination of frustration and anger over having to eat the wrong piece of pasta because she wasn't capable to get the right one on the spoon was too much for her. Of course a "dis-un dis-un dis-un dis-un DIS-UN DIS-UN D I S - U N!!!!!" meltdown followed.

Re: The biology of dads

#185

Post by jonathanlydall »

11thEarlOfMar wrote: post #108

One aspect of fatherhood that surprised me is what I call the 'rescue response'. I was not able to find any formal information about this behavior, but I have to think there is something out there. I have experienced this exactly twice in my life on separate occasions: My child entered a physically and immediately dangerous situation. As soon as I saw their peril, my mind went into a kind of flow state. I didn't take…

I know you acknowledged maybe not just a father thing.

I’ve had two major life in peril crisis with my wife.

First was about 3.5 years ago and started with her sister calling to say they just had a serious car accident which ultimately resulted in my wife being in intensive care for over a week.

The other was in June this year when my wife and I discovered our baby was arriving 10 weeks early.

Gratefully, in both cases everything turned out fine in the end.

But both experiences were very surreal in that in the moment I was calm and just focussed on doing whatever needed to be done.

For the car accident it was only the next morning that it really hit me emotionally.

And for the premature birth, it was only several hours later once everything seemed okay did my wife and I finally take bearings on how we were feeling.

And on the subject of becoming a father. My daughter spent 8 weeks in the hospital but only on the day we bought her home did I finally have the realisation that she is utterly and completely reliant on me and my wife. That was the moment that something changed in me. It was possibly also delayed as the pandemic caused hospital to severely limit visiting time for dads.

Re: The biology of dads

#186

Post by steve_adams_86 »

bcrosby95 wrote: post #52
bluedays wrote: post #20

>Paradoxically, we found that fathers who activate the anterior cingulate the most when listening to infant crying report the most negative emotional responses to those cries, in particular being more likely to label the cry as spoiled or manipulative. How can greater engagement of a brain region associated with empathy be linked with such negative subjective reactions to the cry? We suspect it relates to a phenomeno…

If you have enough kids it's kinda a sink or swim moment: you learn to tune it out or go crazy. We have twin 2 year olds and a 5 year old. There's been periods of time where there's crying (by at least one of them) for most of the day. When you're 1 on 3 at these sorts of ages it's inevitable. When 1 starts crying in the car and the other 2 start crying because the crying is too loud, there's not much you can do but…

Haha, I got orange peel cries last week. It's very real.

Re: The biology of dads

#187

Post by Mmrnmhrm »

Mmrnmhrm wrote: post #67
softwaredoug wrote: post #22

Earlier quoted context omitted.

this only gets worse when they get older. A dangerous thing that can happen is when you over-identify with your kids. Like being the overbearing sports-parent that pushes their kid to succeed because you see it as an extension of your success. I think every parent runs into this to some degree. I have to remind myself they are different people with their own wants, needs, values, and criteria for what "success" means…

If you have any resources on how to manage anxiety please bring them on. My old son has a mild development impairment, I am the sole bread earner, and we have no family support (we live abroad). Anxiety is crippling me to the point of rupture.

I appreciate the answers. Thanks!

I'm tying (unsuccessfully) to get sleep, and I'll try magnesium supplements too. I already spoke about this but never got solutions, and at this point it feels almost even worse every time.

Re: The biology of dads

#188

Post by lotsofpulp »

vincentmarle wrote: post #121
mensetmanusman wrote: post #43

Earlier quoted context omitted.

There are many men that do not want to sacrifice their pursuit of happiness for children. This is why almost half of US children are not raised under the same roof with their biological father.

> This is why almost half of US children are not raised under the same roof with their biological father. Do you have any source on this? That's an interesting but shocking fact

https://www.census.gov/library/visualizations/2020/comm/chil...

I didn't expect to see similar proportions of children both living only with mother and only with father. In fact, 12 to 17 years of age is 44% only with father versus 36.6% only with mother. Not only do more teens live with their father only, but only 20% live with both parents?

Re: The biology of dads

#189

Post by kkwteh »

lotsofpulp wrote: post #30
kkwteh wrote: post #25

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Me too. Should I push them to win the shitty meritocracy tournament like I did? Or should I encourage them to follow their dreams and perhaps be more fulfilled? I'm leaning toward the latter.

I don’t know what fulfilled means, but my priority is to equip them with the abilities needed to shelter, feed, and otherwise obtain necessities for themselves. Which, for many people, ends up being participating in the “meritocracy tournament” to secure cash flow. But I let them know what the rules and parameters of the game are, and possible consequences of various actions. After that, it’s up to them to figure out…

To put it another way, should I be like the infamous Tiger Mom and push my child to conform and get straight As, potentially with dire consequences, or should I develop her interests organically, hoping that they’ll find an unconventional path, fully knowing that they’ll be less likely to have a comfortable life? It’s a dilemma for me.

Re: The biology of dads

#190

Post by steve_adams_86 »

lqet wrote: post #184
bcrosby95 wrote: post #52

Earlier quoted context omitted.

If you have enough kids it's kinda a sink or swim moment: you learn to tune it out or go crazy. We have twin 2 year olds and a 5 year old. There's been periods of time where there's crying (by at least one of them) for most of the day. When you're 1 on 3 at these sorts of ages it's inevitable. When 1 starts crying in the car and the other 2 start crying because the crying is too loud, there's not much you can do but…

> Because, for example, you peeled their orange for them. 1.5 year old daughter wanted to eat the piece of pasta on the upper right corner of the plate last week. Couldn't manage to get it on the spoon. I helped her, but picked the (equivalent) piece of pasta next to it. The combination of frustration and anger over having to eat the wrong piece of pasta because she wasn't capable to get the right one on the spoon wa…

I've been there and it's pretty annoying in the moment, but the sometimes I really sympathize with their lack of agency and control over their environment. Littles ones are surrounded by people who can seemingly do whatever they need or want to, while the little one is relegated to struggling to get the piece of pasta they want off their plate.

Not saying this makes it any less frustrating when you need to get them fed, bathe them, brush their teeth, read them a book, and put them to sleep by 7:30 but it's already 7:25 and they're losing their shit over a noodle

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