Very tough situation. I suppose it is difficult to discuss the imbalance.
I've brought it up. She doesn't care. She tells me unrealistic things too. For example, she says that I should pursue my expensive hobbies too, like track nights with the 1LE Camaro (which I felt I had to sell when getting married). Where would that money come from?! Should I just not pay the mortgage, or stop saving for retirement? She has also said if I don't like my job that I should quit. I've explained that it w…
Very tough situation. I suppose it is difficult to discuss the imbalance.
I've brought it up. She doesn't care. She tells me unrealistic things too. For example, she says that I should pursue my expensive hobbies too, like track nights with the 1LE Camaro (which I felt I had to sell when getting married). Where would that money come from?! Should I just not pay the mortgage, or stop saving for retirement? She has also said if I don't like my job that I should quit. I've explained that it w…
Why don't you try marriage/couples counseling? I doubt HN can help fix your dysfunctional marriage.
I believe in: everyone pays the same percentage of their salary towards shared expenses. But this kind of stuff should've been hashed out before you got married.
I have a house and one kid. My wife wants another kid and complains that out house is too small (it's 1800 sqft). I hate my job but have no other options to support us. I honestly wonder how I did not listen to all the advice of other people about not getting married. Even at this same job I was much happier years ago. Part of that was because I hadn't been disillusioned yet, but I think part of it was also that I ha…
My wife wants another kid Please, for god's sake, make sure you are using a condom and don't take her word for it that she's on birth control. (I'm a woman and a former full-time homemaker, fwiw.)
Not everyone has a dysfunctional relationship. Partnerships work when there's trust.
If you approach marriage antagonistically, you're going to have a bad marriage.
I've brought it up. She doesn't care. She tells me unrealistic things too. For example, she says that I should pursue my expensive hobbies too, like track nights with the 1LE Camaro (which I felt I had to sell when getting married). Where would that money come from?! Should I just not pay the mortgage, or stop saving for retirement? She has also said if I don't like my job that I should quit. I've explained that it w…
That's ridiculously unfair and I'm sorry borderline abusive. If you guys are in a potentially precarious situation financially, then there is absolutely no justification why she should spend most of her earnings on entertainment whilst the bulk of your earnings go to necessities. Any excess earnings from you and her should go towards your family savings for future financial security, your children and retirement. Ent…
Thanks for the input. It's not a precarious financial situation right now. As long as I have this job, I should be able to support us. I just won't have much money or time for hobbies (the hobbies I do partake in add value, like a garden and mushrooming for food). I also don't have the option of switching jobs. I've talk about cancelling unnecessary things unless she pays for them (the only thing is netflix). She said she'll just mooch off her mom.
One of the most frustrating parts about it for me was that I'd seen the trope many times in fiction, non-fiction, and with my own eyes, and I could see all the parallels, knew logically what was happening, and I still found myself pushing harder into the cliff. A real mindfuck.
There are so many things like that which can affect you, you see it happening, and there's nothing you can do about it. I have occasional manic episodes, and ADHD. I can see both happening, I know what they are logically, and I just get to see myself walk closer and closer to the cliff's edge.
I think my helplessness and inaction were learned behaviors, and I managed to kick the habit... for the most part. I wish you the best of luck, don,t give up. At some point it will click. Be grateful when it happens.
My wife wants another kid Please, for god's sake, make sure you are using a condom and don't take her word for it that she's on birth control. (I'm a woman and a former full-time homemaker, fwiw.)
Not everyone has a dysfunctional relationship. Partnerships work when there's trust. If you approach marriage antagonistically, you're going to have a bad marriage.
Trust has to be earned. "Trusting" someone who is actively mistreating you is not a means to improve your relationship. It's a means to help escalate the abuse they are subjecting you to.
Divorce. You have one life. I know you have a kid, but they'll grow up to resent you if you stay the course because they don't understand the weight you carry on your shoulders and your wife will have more energy for them. Divorce will actually be better for your kid. You'll still be able to see them and shape them. Over time, they may favor spending time with you.
Nah, I'll stick it out. Family court would f me over more than this.
All the best! Just remember that you need happiness too.
If you are burned out watch the talk "Pushing through friction" by Daniel Na. That talk inspired me and saved my job.
That was an awesome recommendation. However, I'd argue that that talk is more useful _before_ you start to burn out. Pushing through friction is akin to swimming upwards a waterfall if part of the friction comes from within.
Agreed. I was not fully burned out when I saw this talk but I definitely wasn't enjoying my job due to not having the conceptual tools to deal with these situations.
My wife wants another kid Please, for god's sake, make sure you are using a condom and don't take her word for it that she's on birth control. (I'm a woman and a former full-time homemaker, fwiw.)
Thanks, I'm careful. Unfortunately, that stress reduces the fun and frequency.
My wife wants another kid Please, for god's sake, make sure you are using a condom and don't take her word for it that she's on birth control. (I'm a woman and a former full-time homemaker, fwiw.)
Thanks, I'm careful. Unfortunately, that stress reduces the fun and frequency.