How to say no, for the people pleaser who always says yes

Paulo Freire writes of the oppressed being expected to import others in order to be included.

IMO our society could stand to demand less recognition of emotional demands of distant elites and landlords.

Americans are insanely entitled social police.

I’m all about lifting quality of life for the bottom at the expense of the top, cause let’s be real: it isn’t Elon or Gates literally conjuring those ideas and doing the work.

Somehow billions have been convinced to sign over the bulk of their value generation to people they don’t know.

Here’s a rich guy give him more money forever! is the new “belief” model.

How do I avoid adopting that belief behavior? Not meaning the literal trade, but the whole “accept that the rich are legally allowed to grift on collective effort”.

Behavior is constrained artificially for consistency. Because behavior is being managed by statistics and math is artificially constrained for consistency.

The problem is that people intentionally manipulate what "being kind" means to try to silence others. The tactic, as far as I understand it, is to present an incredible level of sensitivity about anything that happens to disagree with their worldview such that even voicing a different opinion is treated as "disrespectful" and "unkind". It's an intentionally manipulative play that exploits people's desire to get along, with the outcome of only the most sensitive person's opinions being allowed to be voiced, everything else being characterized as unacceptable, and dissenters being ostracized.

It's weaponizing social etiquette as a means to enforce political compliance, all the while crying crocodile tears and claiming that they just want people to be "kind".

Also, you ever hear of anyone in America being punished for saying they're a communist or homosexual? Or is that fiction to you as well?

To any degree free speech was a thing, it was most often selectively afforded to white men. And now it is that same group who coincidentally seems to complain the loudest that they no longer can say exactly what they wish without consequences.

Often it's pretty straight forward when you ask yourself the question.

As all cultural phenomenon, there is a strong local component to it but there are still many variations : knowing where they are from, whether they grow up in big city or small rural areas, is often a good starting guess. But after a few sentences exchange showing how direct or considerate of your specificity they are, how they value your time, you usually know without doubt.

It's just about making sure you are in the right communication mode with the right person.

To bring it back to the article theme :

The way people hear a no is also pretty characteristic. So listening to their reaction when you are telling them no is also a pretty strong signal.

For example if you tell no without justification to someone from high context culture when he asked something (if he ask it probably means that from his point of view he is expecting a positive answer) he won't probably take it good. And you have a few second to come-up with a sensible reason if you don't want to ruin the relationship.

Whereas someone from low context culture is usually more direct and the no carries less weight to give or take, as in their eyes it means they will just ask to the next person.

Go to South Korea or Japan and you'll find rural villages that are more densely packed than cities of 100,000+ in USA and Canada. This density allows for shops and convenience stores to be easily accessible and walkable in every neighbourhood, which nudges towards social interaction. Rather than sprawling everywhere, neighbourhoods are built with the same density as elsewhere (with small apartments, large apartment towers, and/or multifamily housing).

On the other end, megacities like Seoul and Tokyo are really just cities of many neighbourhoods with similar density to the rural towns, with a few areas that are more densely built and populated than others (typically centered around geographical or transportation features). Most neighbourhoods in Seoul or Tokyo feel the exact same as any neighbourhoods in "second tier" cities. (In fact, many "suburbs" of Seoul are more densely packed than Seoul itself due to legacy building heights!) But the smaller towns just don't have subway access to megacity-only amenities.

I suspect that a lot of folks who enjoy North American big city living would do just as well in a smaller East Asian town (aside from cultural and language difficulties).