Young U.S. men having a lot less sex in the 21st century, study shows • Hacker News Board

Re: Young U.S. men having a lot less sex in the 21st century, study shows

#571

Post by klmadfejno » Fri, Jun 12, 2020, 11:36 PM UTC

johncena33 wrote: post #409

klmadfejno wrote: post #312

Earlier quoted context omitted.

There's a large amount of debate over this issue. Whatever your opinion may be, the study doesn't seem to agree with it: https://jamanetwork.com/journals/jamanetworkopen/fullarticle... Look at the chart for number of sexual partners reported by men and women by year. Honestly just read the study. It has data on many of the issues people are speculating about, including porn and what not. If you were to believe that a…

As minority man of color my own experience as well as my friends experience are absolutely in line with what OP has stated. Although I am well-educated, successful and reasonably good-looking, I've a hard time dating. OTOH women of my ethnicity do pretty well in dating market. The only way to explain this phenomenon is hypergamy. Everyone I know in real life (from different genders and ethnicities) acknowledges this.…

> The only way to explain this phenomenon is hypergamy.

This statement just does not mesh with the study suggesting the proportion of people getting 0 sex has risen by about 5 percentage point (eyeballing the chart) from 2000 to 2018. Doing some bad-and-wrong-but-making-a-point statistics, if you're getting 0 sex in 2018, the majority of your likelihood of being there was already present in 2000. I'm sure it's harder being a man of color, but I'm also sure it was harder being a man of color in 2000 as well.

It's totally possible for dating markets to favor a few individuals and for that not to explain this trend. The reason it sparks debates online is because some individual recount their struggles getting dates as evidence for huge impacts on what dating is like for the majority of males. It doesn't resonate with those who have "normal" sex lives.

Re: Young U.S. men having a lot less sex in the 21st century, study shows

#572

Post by malcolmgreaves » Fri, Jun 12, 2020, 11:36 PM UTC

Vysero wrote: post #346

malcolmgreaves wrote: post #193

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Men don't receive a constant barrage of sexual misconduct. Where did you get this idea? There's countless data and evidence showing instutionalozed sexual discrimination from men against women. If you want an enlighting read as it pertains to tech, read Brotopia. Or read about how Uber only bought leather jackets for it's men SREs and explicitly chose to not buy the same jacket for their women SREs. Or simply ask any…

Perhaps "constant" wasn't the correct word to use, but there is most certainly a heightened awareness of the possibility of being charged with sexual misconduct among men now a day than there ever has been before. One simply has to be a man with friends to know that, it comes up in conversations all the time.. at least in my groups. My perspective that "women only want exc..." comes from the notion I have (and share)…

> but there is most certainly a heightened awareness of the possibility of being charged with sexual misconduct among men now a day than there ever has been before. One simply has to be a man with friends to know that, it comes up in conversations all the time.. at least in my groups.

This sounds awfully like "men are being _caught_ today." Surely you don't mean that, right?

You said "charged," which invokes the notion of being able to prove sexual misconduct with an abundance of evidence. I really don't see any problems here. Accepting inappropriate sexual behavior (e.g. bad, not funny 'jokes'), makes sexual harassment seem not so extreme, which leads to assault, which leads to a culture that has hypocritical views on rape and women's bodies.

And if you really want to try to contest the extreme consequences of this slipperly slide, I'll direct you to a 1991 (!) ruling in UK (http://www.bailii.org/uk/cases/UKHL/1991/12.html). Since 1736, it was started, under law that “the husband cannot be guilty of a rape committed by himself upon his lawful wife, for by their mutual matrimonial consent and contract the wife hath given up herself in this kind unto her husband which she cannot retract.” It took hundreds of years to recognize, legally, that rape is rape.

That is absolutely insane by any morally consistent standard. It's completely believable in a society that views women's bodies as property of men.

Re: Young U.S. men having a lot less sex in the 21st century, study shows

#573

Post by rasz » Fri, Jun 12, 2020, 11:45 PM UTC

codingslave wrote: post #50

This is a widespread societal change that I think most people are completely unaware of. The majority of women are sleeping with the top 10% of men, sometimes only the top 3-5%, with the rest barely getting any at all. the sexual revolution was never about free love or sexual freedom, it was about womens rights to sleep with the few men they are all attracted to. The lower 80% of men instead saw their sexual freedom…

What you say is probably true ..for the pool of women going to the bars in NY for a one night stand. They arent exactly going there with aim of scoring a smelly overweight day laborer.

Re: Young U.S. men having a lot less sex in the 21st century, study shows

#574

Post by selimthegrim » Fri, Jun 12, 2020, 11:45 PM UTC

Meekro wrote: post #481

ravenstine wrote: post #207

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I'm 30, and I only know one person in my peer group whom owns a home, and he can only afford it because it's way out in the boonies. If people my age find things like home ownership out of reach, having children becomes a roadblock and therefore becomes undesirable.

Where do you live? I'm in Houston, a place with a low cost of living relative to California. I'm in my early 30s, and I know lots of people aged 25-35 who are marrying, buying homes, and having kids.

What sort of tech jobs do you come across?

Re: Young U.S. men having a lot less sex in the 21st century, study shows

#575

Post by codezero » Fri, Jun 12, 2020, 11:46 PM UTC

swat535 wrote: post #556

codezero wrote: post #457

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I just want to point out how so many of the responses to this thread (and the thread itself) are much more a lament of "others are doing X and I am not" - and jumping to conclusions as to why that might be. I also want to add that so much going on here is based on really thin anecdata about how other people are fucking on tinder and you aren't. I don't see many people here talking about how they engaged in intentiona…

So you're basically ignoring all the data and studies regarding this issue and still decide to handwave the whole thread. We're talking about the impact of large percent of men not having sex on society and you're response to this is: "Stupid, ugly people fuck al the time" and imply this is a non issue

Sorry, I should have had a clearer thesis:

I'm not seeing anyone proposing to explain the impact, or what they have done to offset any impact they perceive it is having on themselves.

The other person who replied to me pointed out that it's not fair for me to assume folks haven't already tried a lot - so that's fair. I'll go back to:

I'm not seeing the discussion here being about the results or the impact, except to lament their own personal woes, and to hypothesize things like a coming age of polygamy.

I'll come with some depth when others do, but I guess it's fair that I should probably have not bothered commenting in the first place.

Re: Young U.S. men having a lot less sex in the 21st century, study shows

#576

Post by starpilot » Fri, Jun 12, 2020, 11:46 PM UTC

mettamage wrote: post #570

starpilot wrote: post #559

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> My target group of women almost never praise me for my physical features but my personality instead. Women do this in general because mentioning physical attractiveness among women is taboo. This is why a personality-focused, zero pictures version of Tinder would utterly fail. Do you think women would leap to such an app, finally being able to judge people by their wit and conversation skills and empathy? Of course…

> Height gives an enormous advantage That's why I mentioned Sean Stephenson. > than a 5'6" Indian guy. I know a pretty small Indian/Surinamese guy (used to be a Dutch colony). Surinam is a bit of a melting pot, FYI but his family line has remained relatively purely Indian. In all fairness, he's good looking. What he also has: the best accent and voice tonality I've ever heard. He says it's his biggest strength and mo…

Sean Stephenson is supposed to disprove a repeatedly-demonstrated, aggregate trend? I know a black person who has never experienced racism too.

Don't get me wrong, I believe that you overcame challenges. We all have. I bet 90% of your dating experience is determined by how you were born, not how you have chosen to behave. Your main advice is "be tall, be white." Your post follow the classic formula:

BRO. Bro. Physical attractiveness doesn't matter. I may be a [6'1" white guy / mid-20s female in a large city] but I can confidently tell you that it's entirely possible to be wildly successful on dating sites if you're ugly. It's all about your personality and how funny you are and how kind of a human being you are. You know what's really unattractive? Your INSECURITIES. If you could just be confident then people would be swarming your profile with unsolicted visits and date offers.

I knew this one guy in high school who looked like a shorter and Indian-looking Danny DeVito with tertiary syphillis but he had an amazing demeanor so he bedded one different girl a month every month. Oh what about the other 50 ugly Indian guys? I dunno I only remember this one. I'm sure they must have been successful too.

Re: Young U.S. men having a lot less sex in the 21st century, study shows

#577

Post by selimthegrim » Fri, Jun 12, 2020, 11:48 PM UTC

whytaka wrote: post #499

selimthegrim wrote: post #489

Earlier quoted context omitted.

You're saying even if the sex was objectively bad in comparison with what you had later you still felt this way?

I am sorry, I don't really understand your question. Perhaps you could rephrase it.

Why isn't the first time you had good sex more memorable to you than the time you lost your virginity? (It is rare they are the same time)

Re: Young U.S. men having a lot less sex in the 21st century, study shows

#578

Post by mydongle » Fri, Jun 12, 2020, 11:49 PM UTC

It's partly an American culture problem. I'm sure the dating game in some other countries are a bit healthier than ours.

There's simply so many mixed signals now on what you are and are not allowed to do. Is it okay to go up and talk to a girl you think is cute anymore? No one is really sure. Depends on who you ask. Go up to the wrong girl and you might end up in jail or maybe shamed by her and her friends online somewhere for being creepy.

There's also the question about consent. Having to whip out a contract for the girl to sign, confirming her legal consent to have sex is not too attractive. Not to mention the fact she can take away her consent post-sex and then you become a rapist. Girls on average find the less consensual, proactive way more sexy, but that's not something anyone would admit. But that's a cultural taboo now, so yeah.

Re: Young U.S. men having a lot less sex in the 21st century, study shows

#579

Post by WalterBright » Fri, Jun 12, 2020, 11:49 PM UTC

notyourday wrote: post #261

codingslave wrote: post #50

This is a widespread societal change that I think most people are completely unaware of. The majority of women are sleeping with the top 10% of men, sometimes only the top 3-5%, with the rest barely getting any at all. the sexual revolution was never about free love or sexual freedom, it was about womens rights to sleep with the few men they are all attracted to. The lower 80% of men instead saw their sexual freedom…

> Especially in contrast with other circles that I ran in, specifically nerdier programmers working at FAANG. Nerdier programmers should spend less time talking among themselves about Redis, NodeJS and Angular at those bars and more time talking to women that are there about something other than nerdy stuff. One would be amazed how far even cursory knowledge of different topics, current events, food, wine and general…

Conversations about food and wine bore me.

Re: Young U.S. men having a lot less sex in the 21st century, study shows

#580

Post by seppel » Fri, Jun 12, 2020, 11:50 PM UTC

sebwi wrote: post #209

seppel wrote: post #58

This article awkwardly dances around reasons why young men have less sex. First it is "social media and electronic gaming", then the reasons "may also include stress of juggling work and intimate relationships, as well as the prevalence of other forms of solo entertainment." But then, they notice that "[s]exual activity was largely unchanged among unmarried women, along with no notable decline among gay men, research…

Well, I guess they theorize that in stable relationships, men are more likely to have sex. If forming relationships gets more difficult, the majority of men have less sex. I'm not sure if the argument is actually valid but from a historical perspective I can understand the thought process.

If men have more sex in stable relationships, and for women it does not matter, then with whom do the women sleep with?