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Tell HN: Call Mom

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Re: Tell HN: Call Mom

#151

Post by kerkeslager »

dorkwood wrote: post #70

I'm envious of people who have a kind of "best friend" relationship with their parents. My father, for example, I have almost nothing in common with. He's the political opposite of me, doesn't have any hobbies or share any of the same interests, and doesn't have the same sense of humour, so our conversation always falls flat. I bought him a laptop and introduced him to the internet because I thought he might find som…

It shouldn't be a surprise that the same culture that brought us deplatforming and canceling, would bring us cutting out your parents because you disagree with their politics.

Do it for yourself. Your parents are a huge part of your psyche: they made you--100% in a genetic sense, and in most cases they made a lot of your personality traits by the way they raised you. And they made you in their image, because they could only give you what they had. In a sense, making peace with your parents is making peace with yourself. It's not comfortable but many things that are worthwhile aren't.

Maybe set a boundary where you don't talk about politics. Or do talk about politics if you can keep it polite and productive: it's pretty fucked up that so many people just write off people because they hold radical political views. One of the most effective ways to change the political landscape is for people to talk to radicals and explain to them patiently why their views are wrong. And that's most effective when coming from loved ones, I think. Don't try to do it if you can't do it in a healthy way, but it's certainly a worthwhile endeavor if you can do it.

Re: Tell HN: Call Mom

#152

Post by airstrike »

helpmesee123 wrote: post #66

Can someone please help me understand? I feel such a strong aversion to acknowledge almost every holiday, especially marketing-driven ones like Mother’s Day. Frankly saying “happy Mother’s Day” feels like I’m defiling myself and mindlessly buying into propaganda. Isn’t it enough to treat mothers/fathers/etc well on a regular basis? Doesn’t that mean more than a call/card once a year? I don’t want to be this way. Help…

It's a special day for mothers. Just like your birthday is a special day for you.

You're not supposed to spend any extra money necessarily, you're just supposed to some time today with your mother (and presumably the rest of the family), and maybe think about her a little more than you would any other day.

You're not buying into propaganda. If it makes you feel like that, you're the one imbuing the day with that particular quality.

Re: Tell HN: Call Mom

#153

Post by airstrike »

exolymph wrote: post #60
johnydepp wrote: post #58

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I dont wanna be rude. But if you cant find words to talk for 2 minutes every 2 days, you are very disconnected.

wtf is the point of a two-minute call? text me

The point is showing you're there for the person, giving them the opportunity to mention something that's on their mind. It's about showing a special sense of availability, contrary to the texting availability that you provide to anyone else on God's green earth that may have your phone number saved or written down somewhere.

Re: Tell HN: Call Mom

#154

Post by airstrike »

normalguy222 wrote: post #30
DoofusOfDeath wrote: post #18

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Your question is whether this correlates with nationality. Sincere question: why did you focus on that attribute instead of some other? Is calling your mother several times per week typical on your country?

> Is calling your mother several times per week typical on your country? Yes :-) My family is half European half South American. I call them almost every other day. On a busy week, perhaps I'll only call during the weekend. My Taiwanese wife calls her mom every day.

I'm not American and I call my parents maybe once a quarter other than birthdays and days like today. Your point?

Re: Tell HN: Call Mom

#155

Post by rlt »

dorkwood wrote: post #70

I'm envious of people who have a kind of "best friend" relationship with their parents. My father, for example, I have almost nothing in common with. He's the political opposite of me, doesn't have any hobbies or share any of the same interests, and doesn't have the same sense of humour, so our conversation always falls flat. I bought him a laptop and introduced him to the internet because I thought he might find som…

I don't think most people would describe their relationship with their parents as a "best friend" type relationship. It's not that surprising you don't have much in common with them. How many other friends do you have their age?

If you don't actually enjoy talking to them, I wouldn't frame it as an "obligation" or "duty", but whether you care about them.

Especially as they get older, they may need someone to look out for them. For example, I had to call my parents almost every day for two weeks to convince them to take COVID-19 seriously. Normally I call about once per week.

Also, try putting yourself in their shoes and imagine what it's like to raise a child you love more than anything in the world, and have that child grow apart from you and want nothing to do you with you. I imagine it can be heartbreaking.

Re: Tell HN: Call Mom

#156

Post by airstrike »

stakkur wrote: post #106

def mom(believe_hallmark = False, mom_exists = False, mom_cares = False): if (believe_hallmark == True and mom_exists == True and mom_cares == True): print('Call Mom') else: print('Nah') mom(False, True, False) License: This code is open source. [EDIT] I'd forgotten how poorly humor fares on HN.

I mostly downvoted for the uneven indenting TBH

Re: Tell HN: Call Mom

#157

Post by InafuSabi »

mooneater wrote: post #2

I was 22, that was the last mothers day my mother was alive for. Of course I didn't know at the time, but I didn't call. Im 44 now and its one of my biggest regrets. Dont be like me. Call her.

Regrets are hard. No one knows how yours feel and getting over them is almost impossible. Sending you some Universal Love

Re: Tell HN: Call Mom

#158

Post by grawprog »

devchix wrote: post #75
grawprog wrote: post #67

Have they invented ghost phones yet then? I would totally call my mom if those existed.

I know you jest, but of interests, there's a phonebooth someone set up for folks in Japan who have lost family members in the 2011 tsunami to "call" and "talk" to them. Scroll down to "Really Long Distance". https://www.thisamericanlife.org/702/one-last-thing-before-i... Everything we do for the dead is a ritual for the living.

I actually find that a bit, I'm not even sure of the word I'd use, not quite creepy, not quite disturbing, but not something I'd want to do.

I'm not sure if my mom would have liked that much either. She didn't want us focusing on things like that after she was gone. She didn't want to be buried so we wouldn't waste time going to a grave stone.

>Everything we do for the dead is a ritual for the living.

Yup, that it is. To help people come to terms with loss and generally confront the idea of mortality. Personally, i've gone through lots of different feelings towards it over the years. I'm not sure if it's something you ever really deal with, you just learn different ways of thinking about it over the years, and it's not always a steady progression of, feeling bad-being ok or something like that. Sometimes I feel like I dealt with it better when I was younger than I do now.

Re: Tell HN: Call Mom

#160

Post by RspecMAuthortah »

Anyone in different time zone that our parents are, how do you effectively deal with it? I have about 10hr time difference and whenever I have free time either they are sleeping or I have to stay till late hours at night. Not great.
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