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Tell HN: Call Mom

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Re: Tell HN: Call Mom

#101

Post by [deleted] »

meddlepal wrote: post #84
jshevek wrote: post #71

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> "today might be a good day to call your mother" The OP doesn't qualify their premise with 'might'. ('May' only applied to video chat, specifically). The title is imperative, and there is a general claim of importance. I'm not bothered personally, I just agree with chriseatons assessment of the tone.

The pedantry on this site sometimes is insufferable. It's a little reminder for the oblivious and workaholics among us. Nobody is suggesting anyone call their mom if they hate her guts.

[deleted]

Re: Tell HN: Call Mom

#102

Post by WarOnPrivacy »

mooneater wrote: post #2

I was 22, that was the last mothers day my mother was alive for. Of course I didn't know at the time, but I didn't call. Im 44 now and its one of my biggest regrets. Dont be like me. Call her.

I was 21. My mom was in a permanent state of postoperative delirium and I was nursing her into her last days. It was just the two of us & I wasn't up to the task. I doubt I knew it was Mother's day.

A few weeks earlier: My older siblings and I sent a bright, aware, career budget analyst into cancer surgery. The hospital returned a woman who no longer recognized us or even where she was. We were sent home and some home health aides helped us get her settled & setup care routines.

After some time my sister went back to her life (she & mom didn't get on). Then my brother drove back to his home two states away and it was just me and mom & feeding her & helping to the bathroom & cleaning up when she didn't make it.

Some days or weeks later, I had a phone call w/ mom's sister and that aunt drove down & took over whatever it was I handed to her. As a guy who struggles to keep the dishes washed, I imagine it wasn't great.

The last few months of mom's life proceeded in a more orderly manner. Mom turned 64. I turned 22 & three weeks later she died.

In case anyone is tempted to lionize the kid in the above picture, let me complete the picture. If I could have slipped away and let someone take point, I would have. In this thing, my siblings & I were my dad's kids (tho he was gone & dead, many years). As I was living with mom already, I was the one left holding the colostomy bag.

So I wasn't really responsible but I was lucky. Taking care of an ailing parent for 6 months can be a privilege (as opposed to, say, 6 years). I'm grateful to have escaped the guilt that I suspect my siblings have. I also learned I might not be terrible at other big life challenges, like being a parent (I was anyway but not forever).

However, for anyone beating themselves up this Mother's Day, let it go. We are what we are until we aren't & the weightiest factor that changes that are the circumstances beyond our control.

'Will' is critical but I've found it's a poor tool for making deep, lasting, healthy changes - unless supportive environments are also present.

Re: Tell HN: Call Mom

#103

Post by jshevek »

meddlepal wrote: post #84
jshevek wrote: post #71

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> "today might be a good day to call your mother" The OP doesn't qualify their premise with 'might'. ('May' only applied to video chat, specifically). The title is imperative, and there is a general claim of importance. I'm not bothered personally, I just agree with chriseatons assessment of the tone.

The pedantry on this site sometimes is insufferable. It's a little reminder for the oblivious and workaholics among us. Nobody is suggesting anyone call their mom if they hate her guts.

In this case, looking at the actual words can help one to understand why other people interpreted the statement differently than they did.

Re: Tell HN: Call Mom

#104

Post by exolymph »

dvtrn wrote: post #90
exolymph wrote: post #65

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> Yeah, the cultural presumption seems to be that if you don't call your mother you are a callous bastard who does not care about the person who brought you into this world and nurtured you. I don't think this is true. The cultural presumption is that you love your mom and that she was basically a pretty good mom. In that assumed case, not calling makes you a callous bastard. And of course there are people who will b…

Herein lies the basic problem with assuming .

Are you arguing that generalizations shouldn't exist, or... ?

Re: Tell HN: Call Mom

#105

Post by stonecharioteer »

toomuchtodo wrote: post #98
TrinaryWorksToo wrote: post #77

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Perhaps "call the person who has been the best mother to you"

I like this comment very much. I don’t have such a person, but if you do, call that person. Embrace those whom treat you with respect, care, and compassion.

I'm a dude in my 30s but if you ever want hot soup when backpacking through southern India, come over. I'm @stonecharioteer everywhere. Mom will make you a bowl and ask you to comb your hair for the full experience.

Re: Tell HN: Call Mom

#106

Post by stakkur » 

  def mom(believe_hallmark = False, mom_exists = False, mom_cares = False):
    if (believe_hallmark == True and mom_exists == True and mom_cares == True):
        print('Call Mom')
    else:
        print('Nah')

  mom(False, True, False)
License: This code is open source.

[EDIT] I'd forgotten how poorly humor fares on HN.

Re: Tell HN: Call Mom

#107

Post by ptero »

jnbiche wrote: post #73
jasonv wrote: post #24

Earlier quoted context omitted.

My parents are east European immigrants to the US. They’ve had a hard life, never adjusted well. Calls to mom last about 20 seconds before she hands the phone off to my father, who will recount the mistakes and sufferings of his life. They’re broken. I call every other week but sometimes if I call more they’ll not answer the phone. I call, either way. There won’t be anything more, previous efforts to repair or resolv…

> I wish they had considered going back decades ago Considered what? You've said they had a hard life. Edit: Oh, I misread that (parsed it as "considered, going back decades ago", thinking you were implying you wish they had considered the effect of their actions). Yeah, I think for many older immigrants who were forced to emigrate from their homeland because of warfare or economic collapse, going back makes sense if…

Considered going back to Eastern Europe I think.

Re: Tell HN: Call Mom

#108

Post by WarOnPrivacy »

stakkur wrote: post #106

def mom(believe_hallmark = False, mom_exists = False, mom_cares = False): if (believe_hallmark == True and mom_exists == True and mom_cares == True): print('Call Mom') else: print('Nah') mom(False, True, False) License: This code is open source. [EDIT] I'd forgotten how poorly humor fares on HN.

I suspect the highest mom-wisdom is knowing that Hallmark is full of crap.

Ergo mom(False, True, True)

Re: Tell HN: Call Mom

#110

Post by WarOnPrivacy »

popotamonga wrote: post #4

Is it a cultural thing Americans are so detached? Its usual here to call your family 2 to 4 times a week

> Is it a cultural thing Americans are so detached?

I suspect so. Every inch of our culture pushes 18yo's away from siblings and parents. Some families overcome that and some don't.

Through most of human history, families were physically close enough that parents, grandparents, aunts/uncles became interchangeable & elderly parents didn't have to die alone in nursing homes.

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