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Tell HN: Call Mom

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Re: Tell HN: Call Mom

#61

Post by binaryblitz »

chrisseaton wrote: post #34
rubber_duck wrote: post #32

Earlier quoted context omitted.

>boggles my mind that people think they should be telling anyone to call anyone on a site like this. It's a nice reminder, don't see the OP post as "reconnect with your abusive parent" more like "today might be a good day to call your mother"

Maybe I'm sensitive, but it comes across as judgemental. 'Call mom' - I can almost feel the condescending do-gooder smile from here.

Totally see where you're coming from, but I do think it's a nice reminder during quarantine. Time is passing so weirdly now, it's hard for me to keep track of what month we're in, let alone the date.

Re: Tell HN: Call Mom

#63

Post by fsloth »

popotamonga wrote: post #4

Is it a cultural thing Americans are so detached? Its usual here to call your family 2 to 4 times a week

I don't think this is about cultural geography as much as about particular family dynamics. Not all are happy families, not all people need the same cadence of communication to maintain a relationship, etc.

Re: Tell HN: Call Mom

#64

Post by chrisseaton »

johnydepp wrote: post #58
chrisseaton wrote: post #25

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> Its usual here to call your family 2 to 4 times a week Yes like many things it varies culturally. Calling family 2-4 times a week seems extraordinarily excessive to me. What possibly changes that often that you have anything to tell them about on a call that frequent? I don't think I call my wife that often when I'm working away. And I'm British so it's not just Americans.

I dont wanna be rude. But if you cant find words to talk for 2 minutes every 2 days, you are very disconnected.

Maybe we're so connected that our lives and relationship run smoothly without constantly checking on each other?

Re: Tell HN: Call Mom

#65

Post by exolymph »

fsloth wrote: post #36
thewebcount wrote: post #6

If your mother is a kind person whom you love, then by all means reach out and tell her. To others like me who may have a gaslighting c* * * of a mother, don't be bullied by societal norms into feeling like a bad person just because you don't want to connect with an abuser. It's perfectly fine to not call your mother on mother's day if you don't have the kind of relationship that will benefit from it.

Yeah, the cultural presumption seems to be that if you don't call your mother you are a callous bastard who does not care about the person who brought you into this world and nurtured you. The sad fact is that since that relationship is so special, the callous negligence and other pathologies parted by the mother into the relationship are so many times more destructive. And this is not about the stereotypical sitcom…

> Yeah, the cultural presumption seems to be that if you don't call your mother you are a callous bastard who does not care about the person who brought you into this world and nurtured you.

I don't think this is true. The cultural presumption is that you love your mom and that she was basically a pretty good mom. In that assumed case, not calling makes you a callous bastard. And of course there are people who will badger you to reconcile with estranged parents, but are they the majority? Most people understand that abusive or otherwise shitty parents exist, they just (correctly) assume that it's not the default.

Re: Tell HN: Call Mom

#66

Post by helpmesee123 »

Can someone please help me understand?

I feel such a strong aversion to acknowledge almost every holiday, especially marketing-driven ones like Mother’s Day. Frankly saying “happy Mother’s Day” feels like I’m defiling myself and mindlessly buying into propaganda.

Isn’t it enough to treat mothers/fathers/etc well on a regular basis? Doesn’t that mean more than a call/card once a year?

I don’t want to be this way. Help me.

Re: Tell HN: Call Mom

#68

Post by smitty1e »

fsloth wrote: post #36
thewebcount wrote: post #6

If your mother is a kind person whom you love, then by all means reach out and tell her. To others like me who may have a gaslighting c* * * of a mother, don't be bullied by societal norms into feeling like a bad person just because you don't want to connect with an abuser. It's perfectly fine to not call your mother on mother's day if you don't have the kind of relationship that will benefit from it.

Yeah, the cultural presumption seems to be that if you don't call your mother you are a callous bastard who does not care about the person who brought you into this world and nurtured you. The sad fact is that since that relationship is so special, the callous negligence and other pathologies parted by the mother into the relationship are so many times more destructive. And this is not about the stereotypical sitcom…

And the heart goes out to those bearers of hard stories.

May healing find them.

Re: Tell HN: Call Mom

#70

Post by dorkwood »

I'm envious of people who have a kind of "best friend" relationship with their parents. My father, for example, I have almost nothing in common with. He's the political opposite of me, doesn't have any hobbies or share any of the same interests, and doesn't have the same sense of humour, so our conversation always falls flat. I bought him a laptop and introduced him to the internet because I thought he might find some new interests, but it just resulted in him watching radical YouTube videos and ranting about politics even more.

For the people in this thread saying they call their parents every second day, is it because you genuinely like talking to them, or is it more out of a sense of obligation? Do I still have a duty to call my parents multiple times a week, despite us never having anything to talk about?

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