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Tell HN: Call Mom

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Re: Tell HN: Call Mom

#41

Post by 300bps »

mooneater wrote: post #2

I was 22, that was the last mothers day my mother was alive for. Of course I didn't know at the time, but I didn't call. Im 44 now and its one of my biggest regrets. Dont be like me. Call her.

My mom died young almost 17 years ago. I don’t have any regrets about not being close enough to her, I had dinner at my parents’ house once per week and spoke to her frequently.

I wish I would’ve encouraged her more to stop smoking and maybe not go to the crappy suburban hospital she was insisting on going to. That’s probably my only regret with the whole thing.

Re: Tell HN: Call Mom

#42

Post by voisin »

thewebcount wrote: post #6

If your mother is a kind person whom you love, then by all means reach out and tell her. To others like me who may have a gaslighting c* * * of a mother, don't be bullied by societal norms into feeling like a bad person just because you don't want to connect with an abuser. It's perfectly fine to not call your mother on mother's day if you don't have the kind of relationship that will benefit from it.

FWIW, I think your life would be vastly improved if you can turn the anger evident in your post into sadness for whatever caused her to act like that in the first place. It’s worked for me. Pity feels like a healthier emotion to experience than anger or bitterness.

Re: Tell HN: Call Mom

#43

Post by larrywright »

chrisseaton wrote: post #34
rubber_duck wrote: post #32

Earlier quoted context omitted.

>boggles my mind that people think they should be telling anyone to call anyone on a site like this. It's a nice reminder, don't see the OP post as "reconnect with your abusive parent" more like "today might be a good day to call your mother"

Maybe I'm sensitive, but it comes across as judgemental. 'Call mom' - I can almost feel the condescending do-gooder smile from here.

To me, it’s just recognition that the type of people who frequent this site aren’t always good at remembering this sort of thing. It doesn’t apply to everyone, but I’m sure there are people who saw this and appreciated it.

Re: Tell HN: Call Mom

#44

Post by 0_____0 »

bnjms wrote: post #21
popotamonga wrote: post #4

Is it a cultural thing Americans are so detached? Its usual here to call your family 2 to 4 times a week

Yes. We’ve done some weird things to the culture we don’t really understand. And on top of that we mock those parts of society that still have a culture and claim things like “white people have no culture”. But then what are rednecks and Southern Baptists or Mormons if not distinct sub-cultures.

'white people have no culture' sounds a lot like californians thinking they don't have an accent.

Re: Tell HN: Call Mom

#45

Post by aidenn0 »

popotamonga wrote: post #4

Is it a cultural thing Americans are so detached? Its usual here to call your family 2 to 4 times a week

It varies among Americans. I talked to my mom about every other month or so prior to getting married, and a bit more often now just because my wife talks to her every week.

My wife used to talk to her mom every day, but is down to a couple times a week now.

Re: Tell HN: Call Mom

#46

Post by Igelau »

voisin wrote: post #42
thewebcount wrote: post #6

If your mother is a kind person whom you love, then by all means reach out and tell her. To others like me who may have a gaslighting c* * * of a mother, don't be bullied by societal norms into feeling like a bad person just because you don't want to connect with an abuser. It's perfectly fine to not call your mother on mother's day if you don't have the kind of relationship that will benefit from it.

FWIW, I think your life would be vastly improved if you can turn the anger evident in your post into sadness for whatever caused her to act like that in the first place. It’s worked for me. Pity feels like a healthier emotion to experience than anger or bitterness.

Didn't seem angry or bitter. Just honest.

Re: Tell HN: Call Mom

#47

Post by vga805 »

voisin wrote: post #42
thewebcount wrote: post #6

If your mother is a kind person whom you love, then by all means reach out and tell her. To others like me who may have a gaslighting c* * * of a mother, don't be bullied by societal norms into feeling like a bad person just because you don't want to connect with an abuser. It's perfectly fine to not call your mother on mother's day if you don't have the kind of relationship that will benefit from it.

FWIW, I think your life would be vastly improved if you can turn the anger evident in your post into sadness for whatever caused her to act like that in the first place. It’s worked for me. Pity feels like a healthier emotion to experience than anger or bitterness.

Or maybe they've learned to channel that anger in some positive way.

Not everything that works for oneself will "vastly improve" the lives of others.

Re: Tell HN: Call Mom

#49

Post by Igelau »

popotamonga wrote: post #4

Is it a cultural thing Americans are so detached? Its usual here to call your family 2 to 4 times a week

It varies depending on region, family history, and dynamics. Like so many things, it doesn't make sense to talk about "American culture" in a broad sense on this topic.
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