391–400 of 404 posts
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> There's also a higher minimum standard to get an MD. If you see a psychotherapist, they have to be certified as an MD and then they get therapist training.
No. Psychologists can be psychotherapists. Psychiatrists can be psychotherapists too, but most aren't.
If you have no friends and don't have lots of spare change, then join a group (any type of group, not group therapy): find others with common cause or interest and work from there. Try a bunch: feel free to join and leave until you find something comfortable.
If you have money to throw away, feel free to hire a friend (a "therapist", counselor or psychiatrist). There are plenty willing to take your money. As one psychologist told me, his is a really easy profession: he listens to people, gives them advice if they want it but need not necessarily do so. Nor need he solve any problems (that's up to the patient). It's an easy way to become quite well-off, if only somewhat respected.
I wish I had back all the money and time I gave for psychological counseling when I was young, even w/o interest. I'd be much wealthier and better off.
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> As engineers and tech people we have one tool that has proven incredible useful in our careers: our brilliant rational minds. So we tend to think that we can solve any problem in life with this tool. thinking that therapy is somehow beneath us is pure hubris. To add to this: we also tend to think we can correctly assess any problem without external help, but especially when it comes to the "self" this fails. It's k…
That had been my excuse for ignoring my own problems for years so I’d add: If you think you’re insane but also thinking it could be self-mis-diagnosis, no, you are not sane. There is no such inherent contradiction in an ability for a logical system to detect its own anomaly were you one. If it had been a false positive, the fact that a false positive is occurring itself is an anomaly, and an issue.
I just created an account to post a comment. I was raised by a narcissist, and over the years I've, like you, come to realize how narcissistic I am too. Narcissism has a terrible negative taboo associated with it, and rightfully so, because it can drain the living shit out of the people close to the narcissist. But you have to be careful not to be even harder on yourself about it. Because that's how a narcissist woul…
I just bought this book per your recommendation. Thanks so much!
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A therapist is trained to spot things you miss. It's like asking, "what does a junior engineer get out of being mentored by a senior engineer that they couldn't just figure out by coding or reading blogs?" A therapist brings things like context, breadth of knowledge, and honesty. I felt like the therapist wasn't incentivized to sugar coat things to spare my feelings, something close friends and family might do. I am…
I agree that seeing a therapist for 5 years may indicate they're not actually helping you progress. I could offer a different data point, but since it's all subjective experience anyway, just make your own call. I've enjoyed long-term therapy because I found more things I wanted to work on. Ironically, it is my therapist who reviews things on a regular schedule and asks, "why are you coming to therapy now?" (If your…
It may also indicate you really need the therapy. That's the conundrum.
You need sometimes assess (reflect), possibly with your therapist, how they are aiding you effectively. In The Netherlands, there are waiting lists for psychiatrists (and a shortage), as well as waiting lists for specialized psychologists; hence they get paid either way. They'd rather have a client who benefits from their therapy.
Perhaps the closest opposite to narcissism is humility. One way to really experience humility is to inject yourself into something truly foreign where money is an insufficient remedy. I don't know what that humbling experience will be for you. For me it was living in Afghanistan for 2 years, of which one of those years I traveled frequently and spoke with many people there. It doesn't matter how much money you make a…
Sorry but no. This will not fix narcissism. Narcissists are broken people incapable of self-reflection and everything centers around them. They see everything in the world as being put here for their enjoyment. They thrive off of attention (negative or positive) and it's the only time they feel alive.
I was able to self-reflect very well, and criticize myself to obliteration. The thing is, normally, I already feel like I do as well (regardless of whether I do, regardless of how other see that). It hurts too much. In the two examples I mentioned, no such pain was felt. None whatsoever.
Obviously, I don't recommend one getting a psychosis, but there are benefits to it (FWIW, I had multiple, mostly short ones, and one long one).
([1] For the record, I'm indifferent and unsure about your case.)
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Those are certainly interesting claims! There are a number of arguments that science came about in western culture because of Christian belief in an intelligible and orderly creator, at odds with the other philosophies of that time (and arguably our own). I've also heard that the original invention of capitalism came about within the monastic university system that generated our modern university. Jesus does disparag…
Those are certainly interesting claims! I believe that they are true ones. There are a number of arguments that science came about in western culture because of Christian belief in an intelligible and orderly creator, at odds with the other philosophies of that time (and arguably our own). I have read _Meditations_ by Marcus Aurelius. It is obvious that the idea of an intelligible and orderly creator is very much par…
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Those are certainly interesting claims! I believe that they are true ones. There are a number of arguments that science came about in western culture because of Christian belief in an intelligible and orderly creator, at odds with the other philosophies of that time (and arguably our own). I have read _Meditations_ by Marcus Aurelius. It is obvious that the idea of an intelligible and orderly creator is very much par…
Looks like the conflict thesis and Draper's work have been discredited. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Conflict_thesis
Furthermore your criticism is itself weak. You drew a parallel between what I said and a discredited version of the history. Well fine. But that discredited version of the history was not at all what I was saying.
What I was saying is that Christianity can't validly claim credit for the progress of science, and that as science progresses there will inevitably come to be conflicts with religion. A short list starts with the fact that the Earth moves around the Sun, the fact that there never was a world flood, the fact that the Earth is much older than the Bible accepts, and evolution. As well as many more minor conflicts.
This is not to say that there aren't people of good will on both sides. It is also not to say that religious people did not contribute to science. From Isaac Newton on down, they did. However the relationship is one where science continues to expand and eventually creates new conflicts with religious faith.
Also the early history of modern science is complicated by the fact that it coincided with the Protestant Reformation. A period where people were killing each other in large numbers over what should have been minor disagreements on faith. (As an example in the 30 years war, something like 1/3 of people living in what is today Germany got killed.) In this atmosphere it was very, very easy for what should be innocuous intellectual inquiry to draw the ire of local religious leaders. And it was also easy for people to self-censor if they got scared. This was not a permanent state of things, but it was a real problem in the 1600s.
This is difficult for at least 2 reasons. First, many (most?) are familiar with gratitude only as a concept but not that much as a feeling. Second, your attention is focused on frustration caused by your awareness of your narcissism as it makes you suffer.
In order to get that genuine feeling of gratitude the focus on your suffering must be dismissed first. Once you caught yourself in this state, notice what your body feels. Pay attention to your eyes, tongue and throat. Relax these while exhaling. You may notice that slight tension behind your forehead caused by keeping focused goes away. Now you're unfocused.
Next, it is necessary to train yourself to be grateful in such situations. As you're suffering from narcissism that is a form of attachment, sort of greed in other words, which naturally blocks gratitude, this will most likely require some effort. Finding your personal trigger for that may be a good way. For instance, some situation in the past where you were truly grateful to someone or something. Once you find that you got the antidote.
This way you may learn that your narcissism isn't something that needs to be fixed but rather your way to learn something about the world and yourself. And maybe it's not even narcissism anymore? It just needs some gratitude. And maybe someday it will be exhausted as there's nothing more to learn, but that won't matter anymore. I personally haven't gone that far yet with mine :)
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I'm actually attending therapy, on a regular schedule, and struggled to find a good therapist. Shop around? You're inviting someone to perform online brain surgery on you. Fortunately, you can undo the operation if you don't like it (sort of). If you don't like what the therapist is doing, keep looking for a different therapist that works for you. I've heard a story where a therapist got upset with their client becau…
> I've heard a story where a therapist got upset with their client because the client said, during a therapy session, they were going to find someone else. That would be a clear sign of a bad therapist. There very much has to be room to discuss seeing someone else, and whether the therapy relationship is working.
But an additional point is worth making, the kind of thing that a good therapist would help you see.
> I don't need to tell my therapist if they're fired. I just walk away.
I am stating that as clearly as I can there. If my therapist starts acting in a way that makes me uncomfortable, no more talk. No need to talk. I don't need my therapist's permission to walk away.
I just. walk. away.