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Ask HN: How did you fix your narcissism?

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Re: Ask HN: How did you fix your narcissism?

#121

Post by dependsontheq »

JonathanMerklin wrote: post #109
ggambetta wrote: post #15

Seeing a therapist might be infinitely better than reading a book, and not just for narcissism. We're all broken in our own wonderful and unique ways. I've been seeing a therapist for 5 years now, and the positive impact this has had in my life and on my general self-awareness can't be overstated. As engineers and tech people we have one tool that has proven incredible useful in our careers: our brilliant rational mi…

Honest question, really trying hard not to word it in a standoffish way: what do you get out of a therapist that can't be obtained from thought or general conversation outside of therapy? I don't think a "brilliant rational mind" is a prerequisite for coming to the conclusion that you're spending money to lock someone in conversation with you - someone that would not associate with you otherwise. To me, the relations…

There’s an interesting statistical observation that the kind of therapy seems to matter less than the relationship between therapist and patient. We are social animals a neutral experienced observer helping us identifying current problems and behaviors is much more impactful on an emotional level than a book. Narcissism is not an intellectual construct it is an emotional construct.

Re: Ask HN: How did you fix your narcissism?

#122

Post by kespindler »

"Laws of Human Nature" by Robert Greene (ironically, also the author of 48 laws of power, which is often criticized for advocating machiavellianism) is an extremely powerful book.

It has two chapters that are especially relevant for you: "Chapter 2: Transform self-love into empathy: The law of narcissism", which might be self-evident in its value from the title, and "Chapter 4: Determine the strength of people's character: The law of compulsive behavior", which discusses toxic personality types, how to avoid them, and what to do in case you notice those patterns in your own behavior. I think you'll find both of those chapters extremely illuminating.

The whole book is worth checking out too. And a relationship with a good executive coach or therapist works wonders too!

Re: Ask HN: How did you fix your narcissism?

#124

Post by austincheney »

Perhaps the closest opposite to narcissism is humility. One way to really experience humility is to inject yourself into something truly foreign where money is an insufficient remedy.

I don't know what that humbling experience will be for you. For me it was living in Afghanistan for 2 years, of which one of those years I traveled frequently and spoke with many people there. It doesn't matter how much money you make as travel there is rough with great inconvenience and your housing is tiny and drafty. In this circumstance any self-serving attention would not improve the situation. You learn patience and comfort in the face of minor imperfections.

I can promise you this: its the experience, whatever that is for you, that will fix your narcissism. A book won't do it. You have to live it without escape.

Re: Ask HN: How did you fix your narcissism?

#126

Post by btilly »

yters wrote: post #89

Religion could help you here, especially Christianity, since a fundamental insight is, as GK Chesterton puts it: "What's wrong with the world? I am." Without realizing there is something fundamentally wrong with me, i.e. the narcissism aka pride, it is impossible to break free. This is the insight that allowed Dante to leave Hell in the Divine Comedy.

Oh yes.

Believe in this thing that you don't believe in so that you can become a better person. Except that believing for that reason is simply telling yourself a lie. And professing faith based on a lie will make you a worse person. And yet this type of argument is often used by those who seek to spread the Gospel.

See likewise Pascal's Wager.

That said, there is no evidence that I am aware of for Christianity actually making people into better people. I have seen a number of attempts to prove it (for example to support faith based programs in jails), but when the same data was analyzed using normal statistical methodologies (for example not excluding people who left the program because of problems), the evidence disappeared.

Re: Ask HN: How did you fix your narcissism?

#128

Post by wellpast »

Try mediation and awareness practice. This may take you farther than explicit overt efforts to "fix" yourself.

Primarily because part/s of the brain that "logically" identifies your narcissism is likely the same part/s of the brain that exhibit the compulsive behavior.

Through awareness practice you'll be strengthening the 'other' part/s of your brain; I think this is the path to having more (behavioral) options in the future. This will also strengthen your empathy, again something you seem to be missing.

Re: Ask HN: How did you fix your narcissism?

#129

Post by mapcars »

If you are narcissistic then your desire to change is also narcissistic, this means its completely useless. If it's not then you are not narcissistic. It seems to me that you are just playing around and the only thing which needs to be done is to accept what it is.
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