Well, my ex-wife took up drugs and I became a single dad from the time my son was aged 2–after spending $80k I absolutely didn’t have on custody litigation. That’s in addition to a large six-figure mountain of back-tax debt and all the struggles of self-employment I’ve written about.
So, I suppose I can’t relate to PG’s essay. Of all the many possible eventualities I considered when having kids, this one didn’t enter into my imagination, and is not what I signed up for--especially in view of the foregoing hardships, even if they're ultimately self-imposed. Brilliant life choices and that.
Of course I love my son, and it's difficult to speak in terms of regret now that he's here. But I regret having him with someone a reasonable person (not me at the time) could have anticipated would not be a viable mother, and denying him (and myself) that. At the same time, it has inexorably altered my life and made it quite challenging.
To the extent the status quo is tenable at all, it relies on a large and expensive army of help and caregivers. Without them I don’t think I’d have a livelihood at all; we just don’t have 40 hour weeks in my industry that bend to a working single parent schedule, whether freelance or W-2. My son goes to daycare full-time but that doesn’t free up even remotely enough time and energy to sustain and grow my business, so a lot of other crutches are needed. Childcare is far and away my number one expense, greatly eclipsing housing. Even so, it’s all a struggle.