I can identify with PG's sentiments almost entirely.
I also identify with the observation that one is more likely to appreciate kids when the basic necessities of life are covered - food, housing, healthcare.
Having Kids
101–110 of 902 posts
Re: Having Kids
#102I'm not knocking Paul Graham or anyone who did well for themselves. But comparing your experience with that of Paul Graham, one of the richest people on the planet, is pointless. The wealthy live on a completely different PLANET than you or me. Of course he enjoys having kids, he has NONE of the stress of supporting himself and his family. His kids are going to have private tutors and house cleaners. He won't sweat t…
Agreed. I'm in my early 30s and don't have kids because I don't think I can provide for them unless I spend all my income and free time/ambitions on them. I make a good income as a programmer but I still live paycheck to paycheck because of cost of living in the Bay Area.
Re: Having Kids
#103I'm not knocking Paul Graham or anyone who did well for themselves. But comparing your experience with that of Paul Graham, one of the richest people on the planet, is pointless. The wealthy live on a completely different PLANET than you or me. Of course he enjoys having kids, he has NONE of the stress of supporting himself and his family. His kids are going to have private tutors and house cleaners. He won't sweat t…
I don't think he's anywhere near one of the absolute wealthiest people out there, but these facts are certainly true. Money doesn't buy you happiness, but it sure doesn't hurt, and takes away so many of the stresses many of us face.
Definitely top 0.01% in the world though. Quick google search estimates lower end of net worth around $250m, and top 0.01% in 2012 was about $111m. So he's up there, but yea, not the tippy top I guess.
Re: Having Kids
#104Probably one of the more honest and rational takes on this subject that I've seen. Asking people why they want/wanted kids usually (but not always) results in a loop of they have kids because they wanted kids. Or they want kids because they want kids. Not that's it not a sufficient answer, just that it's different from some "artificial" wants which can be justified more easily. My favorite other simple answers were j…
Or more simply, it’s because having kids is, on average, the meaning of life. We exist to preserve the specie, everything else is a hobby.
Then having one or two should be seen as a huge failure, when you could have dozens.
Re: Having Kids
#105Earlier quoted context omitted.
I refer you to his later point: "On the other hand, what kind of wimpy ambition do you have if it won't survive having kids? Do you have so little to spare?" I'd argue that your ambition simply shifts upon having kids. If you channel that ambition into being a better parent everyone benefits. And from an "accomplishment" perspective, I'd ask which of a would-be parent's projects are so world-changing that they'll be…
> If you channel that ambition into being a better parent everyone benefits. That's begging the question. Your original ambition doesn't benefit. What if it was something really good and worthwhile? > for most people their kids will have more overall influence then their work ever will. This can't be the case, unless you think the amount of 'influence' always increases as generation pass (why?) My kids are humans, ju…
> > for most people their kids will have more overall influence then their work ever will.
> This can't be the case, unless you think the amount of 'influence' always increases as generation pass (why?)
There are three errors in your reasoning:
1) Having kids won't completely eliminate any non-child influence you've had or will have in the future.
2) If you have two or more kids, they'll together have more influence than you have (respectively three or more kids, if you account for your partner).
3) Your kids will potentially have kids themselves, further increasing the influence your kids can have.
Re: Having Kids
#106Ironically, this essay shows the biggest problem I have with having kids -- especially in the US, people with kids seem to single-mindedly focus on them and can't stop telling you about their kids . What remains of their social lives and all their holidays seem to revolve around the kids. I think pg echoes a bit of this sentiment himself when he says: > To some extent I'm like a religious cultist telling you that you…
Can you elaborate? What exactly is wrong with parents talking to you about their kids? Kids are a big part of our lives. We're telling you about our life. I think what you're saying is that you want us to be interested in different stuff, more along the lines of what you're interested in, because you're not interested in kids. That doesn't sound so much like a social problem to me as a simple personality mismatch.
> Can you elaborate? What exactly is wrong with parents talking to you about their kids?
I'm not sure I can, but let me try. Some of my coworkers will chat to me for five minutes about watching that new Scorsese movie, and maybe make plans to hang out after work. Let's call this Group A. Some other ones will talk to me for twenty minutes about how their kids are really into Frozen 2, and how they dressed up as Elsa for Halloween. They also never have time to hang out. Let's call this Group B.
It so happens that none of the people in Group A have children, and that's really my problem with it. It's not really that I care whether or not anyone has kids (none of my business, really) -- but it seems like the people I overwhelmingly have no interest in listening to or talking with always end up being the ones that have kids. And so I end up wondering if this divide is inevitable, like of your (hah) sibling comments seems to say.
Re: Having Kids
#107Uhh. Just going to chime in here. It is absolutely OK if you don’t experience the emotions he writes about here. You aren’t broken. I write this because I read and it immediately messaged a few friends who respect Paul as well asking them if I was broken. Everyone experiences parenthood differently. I never had the chemical changes in my brain and often over the past 3 years have realized just how selfish I am when i…
I also did not experience the chemical changes part. At the time I was wondering if I would, but nope.
Re: Having Kids
#108Ironically, this essay shows the biggest problem I have with having kids -- especially in the US, people with kids seem to single-mindedly focus on them and can't stop telling you about their kids . What remains of their social lives and all their holidays seem to revolve around the kids. I think pg echoes a bit of this sentiment himself when he says: > To some extent I'm like a religious cultist telling you that you…
While I agree with your later point about having larger families leading to a healthier mix of time spent, I cant agree with your first point.
Yes, most parents talk a lot about their kids and that can be annoying if you don't have kids. Most single people are just as annoying though. You can talk about your kids or you can talk about your vacation, or your job... for the most part people will find it interesting if they relate and boring if they don't. I don't think there's a qualitative difference there between parents and single people, just different audiences that will be receptive to what they're talking about.
Re: Having Kids
#109I wonder if the same chemical switch that he talks about gets flipped if you adopt a child, or marry a single parent and thus become a step-parent. If so, I wonder how young the child has to be for that to happen.
If it's chemically-based, maybe it can be induced. I wonder - and I'm being serious here, although this could certainly be a terrible idea for various reasons - what would happen if, say, a low dose of MDMA or similar were administered to new parents when they first began bonding with their child. Surely a spike of serotonin and oxytocin plays a role in the physiology of parental attachment? Perhaps guaranteeing such…
Re: Having Kids
#110Kids are great and fun. My business did better after I got married and then even better once the first kid came around. In some ways it appears that working less and being grounded and less stressed helped a lot.
Kids are just a lot of fun.
I do not live in NYC or silicon valley. Those places are expensive and kid unfriendly to all but millionaires.