Isolation, anxiety, and depression in the remote workplace • Hacker News Board

Re: Isolation, anxiety, and depression in the remote workplace

#141

Post by shrimpx » Mon, Oct 28, 2019, 1:25 AM UTC

cthalupa wrote: post #112

shrimpx wrote: post #106

This same old tired story... It turns out happiness takes lot of work. Having a healthy social life takes a lot of trying, failing, and some successes that you cherish. Some people tragically take their co-workers as their friends and the office as their social environment. That's really dangerous. You need to go out there and try, be awkward, fight to make some close friends in the real world. Office drama and venti…

A lot of this comment isn’t born out in reality. Around 30% of marriages in the US are from people who met in the office, plenty of people make life long friends from people they met at work, etc. I’m not saying that should be the primary place you look for friends or an SO, but plenty of people are successful doing it.

It's true that a lot of it happens that way. It's not particularly healthy and has extreme side effects in situations like the one at hand (suddenly moving to full time remote) People should diversify their social life.

Re: Isolation, anxiety, and depression in the remote workplace

#142

Post by elliotec » Mon, Oct 28, 2019, 2:04 AM UTC

jcomis wrote: post #21

elliotec wrote: post #18

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I lived in one of these in Seattle for a few months. The weird part is, nobody really used the communal areas. The facilities weren't amazing in the first place but I met 1 person in the building the entire time I lived there. We even had a shared kitchen I only saw someone make some Top Ramen on the stove top once.

Thats kinda Seattle in a nutshell though.

Yeah I think that's fair too.

Re: Isolation, anxiety, and depression in the remote workplace

#143

Post by ropable » Mon, Oct 28, 2019, 2:19 AM UTC

I've recently started listening to the Happiness Lab, a podcast by a Yale professor called Dr Laurie Santos which covers scientific research about happiness: https://www.happinesslab.fm

Some of early episodes touch on the highly-counterintuitive beliefs that pretty much everyone has with the relationship between happiness and direct in-person contact with other people (namely that they'll be happiest if they never have to talk to another stranger again). It's worth listening to and reflecting on.

Re: Isolation, anxiety, and depression in the remote workplace

#144

Post by dominotw » Mon, Oct 28, 2019, 2:22 AM UTC

EMM_386 wrote: post #13

I am a fully remote worker nowhere near my "office", which is simply where our company is technically HQd. I have never met my boss or any of my coworkers in person. I do highly technical work, on a team that only hires very senior developers who have prior remote work experience. And I can say, it is NOT for everyone. If you do not have a life out of work, if you live alone, if you do not have a good network of real…

> I can live wherever I want, but I don't know where I want to live!

May I suggest picking up a outdoor hobby and living near a place that enables it.

Since winter is coming up. How about skiing and colorado. I promise you mountains will lift your sprits up, life problems seem so meaningless in mighty mountains.

Re: Isolation, anxiety, and depression in the remote workplace

#145

Post by blunte » Mon, Oct 28, 2019, 2:31 AM UTC

i love remote work. i’ve done it for most of the last 12 years, and some of that time was spent traveling.

i hates most of my office years (the other 14). most offices had bad lighting, poor ergonomics, open office plans or low wall cubes, blasting AC, and always a few employees who loved to check voicemail over speakerphone.

regarding loneliness, i know some people who can be lonely in any situation. and then there are people like me who are rarely lonely, enjoy solitude, but also maintain a few long lasting and meaningful relationships.

perhaps the big difference between me and the author is age. spend a decade or more in sucky offices and remote work feels like heaven. i’ll work my ass off, 12+ hours a day, if i can choose where i work from day to day.

Re: Isolation, anxiety, and depression in the remote workplace

#146

Post by BurningFrog » Mon, Oct 28, 2019, 2:32 AM UTC

blondie9x wrote: post #115

cthalupa wrote: post #112

Earlier quoted context omitted.

A lot of this comment isn’t born out in reality. Around 30% of marriages in the US are from people who met in the office, plenty of people make life long friends from people they met at work, etc. I’m not saying that should be the primary place you look for friends or an SO, but plenty of people are successful doing it.

This becomes a bigger topic but if those people never had worked together they probably wouldn't have met and more over is that a initiated out of convenience or pressure of having to date or hang out with a co-corker because they are always around and you have to see them frequently or daily? What happened to meeting people naturally outside of a forced setting?

Bonding with people who you work together with for a common goal seems like the most natural thing in the world to me.

And I've never been "forced" to take or stay at a particular job.

Re: Isolation, anxiety, and depression in the remote workplace

#147

Post by rb666 » Mon, Oct 28, 2019, 3:04 AM UTC

EMM_386 wrote: post #13

I am a fully remote worker nowhere near my "office", which is simply where our company is technically HQd. I have never met my boss or any of my coworkers in person. I do highly technical work, on a team that only hires very senior developers who have prior remote work experience. And I can say, it is NOT for everyone. If you do not have a life out of work, if you live alone, if you do not have a good network of real…

Try The Netherlands. Great infrastructure, relaxed people, OK'ish weather, many many innovative IT companies, beautiful nature as well as cities.

Re: Isolation, anxiety, and depression in the remote workplace

#148

Post by shrimpx » Mon, Oct 28, 2019, 3:17 AM UTC

viraptor wrote: post #132

shrimpx wrote: post #106

This same old tired story... It turns out happiness takes lot of work. Having a healthy social life takes a lot of trying, failing, and some successes that you cherish. Some people tragically take their co-workers as their friends and the office as their social environment. That's really dangerous. You need to go out there and try, be awkward, fight to make some close friends in the real world. Office drama and venti…

> Isolation and depression is due to lacking social skill and not having the drive or insight to develop that skill. You are oversimplifying the issue. Please find some insight that there's more nuance here.

I'm referring to the situation at hand: going remote and finding oneself isolated and depressed. That is, one felt socialized enough in the office but now that they're remote they're isolated and finding the "being remote" as the cause. This clearly means that the core source of socialization (and therefore non-isolation) is that the social group was at the office.

People who can develop relationships in a variety of contexts don't feel alone and depressed when remote. There may be other issues; time zone problems, being left out of the loop at work etc., from companies that are not well set up for it. But those are not the issues at hand.

Re: Isolation, anxiety, and depression in the remote workplace

#149

Post by cgs » Mon, Oct 28, 2019, 3:26 AM UTC

eternalny1 wrote: post #91

ericmcer wrote: post #69

Earlier quoted context omitted.

The ideal remote work situation to me would revolve around the ability to travel, want to go to Hawaii for two weeks? No big deal. People who talk about using a remote job to move to X city seem a bit detached from reality in my opinion.

I've done this, and it isn't great. It's not quite the "vacation" type experience you'd think it is. You still have to do work. So yes, you can fly to Hawaii for two weeks, pay for flights, hotel bills, meals, none of which are reimbursed because these are not corporate expenses we're talking about. And then you stay in the hotel or somewhere else plugged in for a long time to do the actual work they are paying you f…

This hasn't been my experience. You just need something worthwhile to do. I love to surf and play traditional Irish music. So I took a month long trip alone to Ireland in the winter time / off season. Spent every day surfing, cooking, playing music in the pubs, and working. I had a blast. Figure out how to get the most out of someplace and go somewhere that's meaningful to you. Post up in one spot that's quiet and where you can focus and you'll likely have a good time.

Re: Isolation, anxiety, and depression in the remote workplace

#150

Post by eternalny1 » Mon, Oct 28, 2019, 4:13 AM UTC

dominotw wrote: post #144

EMM_386 wrote: post #13

I am a fully remote worker nowhere near my "office", which is simply where our company is technically HQd. I have never met my boss or any of my coworkers in person. I do highly technical work, on a team that only hires very senior developers who have prior remote work experience. And I can say, it is NOT for everyone. If you do not have a life out of work, if you live alone, if you do not have a good network of real…

> I can live wherever I want, but I don't know where I want to live! May I suggest picking up a outdoor hobby and living near a place that enables it. Since winter is coming up. How about skiing and colorado. I promise you mountains will lift your sprits up, life problems seem so meaningless in mighty mountains.

> May I suggest picking up a outdoor hobby and living near a place that enables it.

OP here ... I used to be a competitive snowboarder, but that was many years ago.

Now I am pretty out of shape from sitting in front of computers for decades, but that's my own fault for not taking care of myself. It is funny you mention this though, because I currently live about 20 minutes from a ski resort and was thinking about a season pass to get back into it.