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Men Are Waiting to Share Some Feelings (2018)

nytimes.com

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Re: Men Are Waiting to Share Some Feelings (2018)

#91

Post by romwell »

pubby wrote: post #48

Female sexual attraction favors secure men who don't talk feelings. This results in men feeling unable to express their emotions around their significant other. On the other side, male sexuality selects based on looks more than anything. Feminism calls the latter shallow and toxic, but truthfully both should have that label. Neither is serving society or evolution well anymore. But what can we do? Sexual attraction i…

>Female sexual attraction favors secure men who don't talk feelings.

Citation needed.

And being afraid to express one's emotions is anything but security.

Re: Men Are Waiting to Share Some Feelings (2018)

#92

Post by Joof »

Thriptic wrote: post #86
bmarquez wrote: post #3

I participated in men's work, not specifically the ManKind Project but a closely related organization. I personally found it helpful doing weekly check-ins and having people holding me accountable to my goals. Unfortunately, the stigma regarding men sharing feelings is prevalent in western society, and it's not only the men causing it. When I told several female friends about the work they did, their response was: "A…

To your point, that same stigma about LGBT guys being weak, feminine, and emotional is one of the many factors that stops a lot of people from coming out too.

Yeah, pretty much.

Re: Men Are Waiting to Share Some Feelings (2018)

#93

Post by oriel »

Having gone through this retreat (the NWTA) with the MKP, I can easily point to it as the most legitimate and profound event I've had/attended in my life. Its important to take in context, I'm in my mid 30s, and was emotionally ready for the messages and teachings. Doing the work in a safe space was nothing short of life changing. In my work life, personal life, and love life. And most of all for my own quality of life.

For anyone who is actually interested, I would recommend the book Iron John, by Robert Bly (https://www.amazon.com/Iron-John-Book-about-Men/dp/030682426...). The first chapter is usually assigned reading before attending the NWTA, but when read with an open mind I found the entire book to be profound. Profound isnt the best word, but I experienced the content as if I personally was being spoken to through the pages; my problems, my struggles and my victories. Spoken to with support, compassion and understanding. I re-read it every year.

Beyond sharing that however, seeing how much vitriolic hyperbole is being thrown around within 2h of posting, I dont feel it productive to share anymore. You might say that the vulnerability it requires of a man to speak to other men (and women!) who are openly hostile (and often deliberately misunderstanding) about this topic can be nothing short of herculean.

Re: Men Are Waiting to Share Some Feelings (2018)

#94

Post by throwaway_98554 »

monksy wrote: post #23

I think we're starting to hit a critical moment with this. As men we have an unbelievable amount of expectation on our reactions, communication, behavior, past behavior, and others behavior. (Their friends and their partners) On top of all of this: Men spaces have been mostly eliminated.

That's not really surprising, is it?

Any minimally functional group eventually lead to opportunities.

The outgroup (women in this case) want to access those opportunities. Any push back against that will be labeled as misogynistic or ridiculed.

Men have no other choices than to open up the group and let it become just another open space for everyone.

What is surprising is how some groups: 1) just lay down and accept this unilateral loss... 2) even when it is never reciprocated.

Re: Men Are Waiting to Share Some Feelings (2018)

#95

Post by atoav »

castlecrasher2 wrote: post #24
atoav wrote: post #2

This might be one of the issues of our times: men unable to talk about their feelings, unable to maybe even care about themselves because we learned we shouldn’t and we are afraid how we are seen if we do. Sometimes beeing strong means to become vulnerable.

> Sometimes being strong means to become vulnerable. This is true so long as you appear vulnerable, not weak.

I don't think it is about appearance. It is about dialogue and communication. If you want to really talk about things that affect you and your life, these things will quite often be topics you struggle to openly speak about.

I talk about topics that are so hard to talk about that people lie to themselves about it. Things that you don't want to be real are things you try to hide and emotions that don't fit your role in society are part of this.

Becoming vulnerable is the price you have to pay to talk about these kind of topics. And if it happens that you look weak as a side effect you have to pull through it. But this is not about looks, this is about beeing able to interface with the world around you and exposing your true self is the price you have to pay for meaningful conversation.

Re: Men Are Waiting to Share Some Feelings (2018)

#96

Post by Ancalagon »

OtterEcho wrote: post #53
pubby wrote: post #48

Female sexual attraction favors secure men who don't talk feelings. This results in men feeling unable to express their emotions around their significant other. On the other side, male sexuality selects based on looks more than anything. Feminism calls the latter shallow and toxic, but truthfully both should have that label. Neither is serving society or evolution well anymore. But what can we do? Sexual attraction i…

I've found that women often appreciate and find men who are authentic, emotions included, attractive. You can always overshare and if you express emotions in a way where you put the burden on the other person, I don't think anybody really enjoys that

I disagree, maybe those women appreciate authentic emotions among friends, but at least while on the dating scene, authenticity NEVER won me any points, and quite to the contrary, the stoic/mysterious man always won out.

Re: Men Are Waiting to Share Some Feelings (2018)

#97

Post by Ancalagon »

romwell wrote: post #91
pubby wrote: post #48

Female sexual attraction favors secure men who don't talk feelings. This results in men feeling unable to express their emotions around their significant other. On the other side, male sexuality selects based on looks more than anything. Feminism calls the latter shallow and toxic, but truthfully both should have that label. Neither is serving society or evolution well anymore. But what can we do? Sexual attraction i…

>Female sexual attraction favors secure men who don't talk feelings. Citation needed. And being afraid to express one's emotions is anything but security.

Fear of expression doesn't necessarily lead to an exhibit of that fear. The impression of security is enough.

Re: Men Are Waiting to Share Some Feelings (2018)

#98

Post by ryanwaggoner »

oriel wrote: post #93

Having gone through this retreat (the NWTA) with the MKP, I can easily point to it as the most legitimate and profound event I've had/attended in my life. Its important to take in context, I'm in my mid 30s, and was emotionally ready for the messages and teachings. Doing the work in a safe space was nothing short of life changing. In my work life, personal life, and love life. And most of all for my own quality of li…

I recently did the NWTA and found it shockingly profound and powerful. I’m glad to hear the effects have stuck with you.

Re: Men Are Waiting to Share Some Feelings (2018)

#99

Post by rexpop »

asabjorn wrote: post #33

There is much beauty and wonder in the interplay between as well as within the genders. However, men are not imperfect women that would be improved if we adopted the other genders mannerisms. We both need to be open to listening to each other when providing the loving support that we want and need. This article seem to be written by an ideologically inclined woman. A woman trying to understand the men in her life bet…

> men are not imperfect women that would be improved if we adopted the other genders mannerisms.

Divulging one's emotional state is not a "[female] mannerism". It is a basic, androgynous function of all social beings. It's endlessly frustrating to have my faculties gendered away from me.

Re: Men Are Waiting to Share Some Feelings (2018)

#100

Post by oriel »

ryanwaggoner wrote: post #98
oriel wrote: post #93

Having gone through this retreat (the NWTA) with the MKP, I can easily point to it as the most legitimate and profound event I've had/attended in my life. Its important to take in context, I'm in my mid 30s, and was emotionally ready for the messages and teachings. Doing the work in a safe space was nothing short of life changing. In my work life, personal life, and love life. And most of all for my own quality of li…

I recently did the NWTA and found it shockingly profound and powerful. I’m glad to hear the effects have stuck with you.

They have! I went through it in 2017, and the unfolding and cascade of realizations and perspective shifts have not only flipped my life (for the best), but also instilled permanent changes in how i participate in communities, interact with people, and support the ones I care about.
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