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Men Are Waiting to Share Some Feelings (2018)

nytimes.com

21–30 of 402 posts

Re: Men Are Waiting to Share Some Feelings (2018)

#21

Whats wrong with stoicism. Feelings are fleeting in general didn't lead me to positive places. I think we should put a high value on people that can handle their own problems.

Its fine to be stoic and self-reliant, the problem is that occasionally even a stoic man needs to voice concerns, and he is then looked down upon by his peers for doing so. This is why having an unbiased, third-party therapist to just listen can be so healthy.

Re: Men Are Waiting to Share Some Feelings (2018)

#22

Whats wrong with stoicism. Feelings are fleeting in general didn't lead me to positive places. I think we should put a high value on people that can handle their own problems.

No man is an island. And it is hard to know if you ARE "handling your own problems" when you do not seek other people's input.

"Handling your own problems" a lot of the time means "making other people responsible for my emotional well being."

I do love stoicism though and I think meditation and stoicism are excellent paths to understanding yourself and managing your internal state.

Re: Men Are Waiting to Share Some Feelings (2018)

#23
I think we're starting to hit a critical moment with this.

As men we have an unbelievable amount of expectation on our reactions, communication, behavior, past behavior, and others behavior. (Their friends and their partners)

On top of all of this: Men spaces have been mostly eliminated.

Re: Men Are Waiting to Share Some Feelings (2018)

#24
post #2

This might be one of the issues of our times: men unable to talk about their feelings, unable to maybe even care about themselves because we learned we shouldn’t and we are afraid how we are seen if we do. Sometimes beeing strong means to become vulnerable.

> Sometimes being strong means to become vulnerable.

This is true so long as you appear vulnerable, not weak.

Re: Men Are Waiting to Share Some Feelings (2018)

#25

I feel this article demonstrates why gender equality is damn hard for us right now. I'm male. I believe that has had a significant effect on my upbringing. I'm an individual. I believe a whole lot of things have had a significant effect on my upbringing. Why would I want to try to resolve my issues within this gendered framework? Am I really primarily male? That seems like a forced choice to me.

> gender equality

The way it's going about right now is "equality for me but not for you" by using over exaggerated claims.

Re: Men Are Waiting to Share Some Feelings (2018)

#26

Am I the only one who sees men sharing their feelings all the time? To me it seems like men simply process things differently than women, so women and the feminized psychiatry field don't recognize it's happening. We live in an age where men are being villainized at every turn, and this is just another way men are being told they don't measure up... because they aren't sharing in a way that women recognize. With all…

Every social issue has islands where it's nonexistent, islands where it's bad, and islands in-between. Groups alleging unfair treatment are usually both right and wrong depending on where you look, for example there are places where everybody is racist and places where nobody is. By analogy, a person lucky enough to live somewhere that nobody was racist would probably not see any point for affirmative action. Does the NYT have a birds-eye view that can see every island? No, absolutely not, their articles are all written by individual people with normal human-sized social networks. But stories like these can provide some insight as to what other people's lives are like.

Re: Men Are Waiting to Share Some Feelings (2018)

#27

Whats wrong with stoicism. Feelings are fleeting in general didn't lead me to positive places. I think we should put a high value on people that can handle their own problems.

Its fine to be stoic and self-reliant, the problem is that occasionally even a stoic man needs to voice concerns, and he is then looked down upon by his peers for doing so. This is why having an unbiased, third-party therapist to just listen can be so healthy.

This is true but I think that is what close friends are for. Everyone needs support I just think the goal to be not to let your feelings master you.

Re: Men Are Waiting to Share Some Feelings (2018)

#28

Whats wrong with stoicism. Feelings are fleeting in general didn't lead me to positive places. I think we should put a high value on people that can handle their own problems.

I agree. I find that the healthiest people in my life don't seem to be the types prone to endless rumination.

I think this is where meditation (and stoicism) deviates from some types of psychotherapy and most support groups. Meditation teaches you to look at feelings dispassionately, which helps you lessen their power. This is very different than treating each emotion as if it is "correct" and in need of resolution via lots of introspection.

Re: Men Are Waiting to Share Some Feelings (2018)

#29

Am I the only one who sees men sharing their feelings all the time? To me it seems like men simply process things differently than women, so women and the feminized psychiatry field don't recognize it's happening. We live in an age where men are being villainized at every turn, and this is just another way men are being told they don't measure up... because they aren't sharing in a way that women recognize. With all…

Men aren't sharing feelings in a way I understand most of the time, and I'm one of them. I could never get my friends to truly open up unless it was a one on one conversation.

Re: Men Are Waiting to Share Some Feelings (2018)

#30

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Its fine to be stoic and self-reliant, the problem is that occasionally even a stoic man needs to voice concerns, and he is then looked down upon by his peers for doing so. This is why having an unbiased, third-party therapist to just listen can be so healthy.

This is true but I think that is what close friends are for. Everyone needs support I just think the goal to be not to let your feelings master you.

That's true too, but even then its hard to know sometimes who your close friends are, and what they will think of you for relieving that kind of information to them. Sometimes, the stoic man doesn't have a close friend. You can reply with "well they should get more/better friends", but therein I think lies the catch-22. Reveal your inner self, and maybe you'll get a close friend, or maybe you won't have any friends.
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