I see several people suggesting that men should get more hobbies in order to meet with other guys, the issue is, hobbies don't form deep friendships (much of the time). You just end up talking about the hobby and nothing else. At least that's how I feel. Talking about anything more than the hobby suddenly becomes unusual.
Almost one in five men admits to having no close friends, a survey has found
281–290 of 440 posts
Re: Almost one in five men admits to having no close friends, a survey has found
#282Earlier quoted context omitted.
I sometimes wonder if I’m broken when I see comments like yours, which seem heartfelt and correct and as it should be (the desire for friendships that is). Maybe it’s because my wife and kids fill the void, but I just have no interest in making or maintaining friendships. My wife has a really cool coworker that tries to get me out of the house but i just kinda flop on him. I live in a secluded spot that you can’t see…
You're not broken. If your family is your number one interest and responsibility, then you're doing life correctly. Don't let anyone else tell you differently.
Yes my family is my number one interest, but not my only interest. My (step) sons who loved to spend time with me when we met and they were 9 and 14 - now one doesn’t live with us and the other is 17 with his own friends and interests.
My wife’s interests and my interests are well enough aligned that we like spending time together, but she has her own interests and own set of female friends.
Re: Almost one in five men admits to having no close friends, a survey has found
#283I see several people suggesting that men should get more hobbies in order to meet with other guys, the issue is, hobbies don't form deep friendships (much of the time). You just end up talking about the hobby and nothing else. At least that's how I feel. Talking about anything more than the hobby suddenly becomes unusual.
Developing a deep friendship outside of shared interests is a skill some people need to build, not everyone has it built in.
Sometimes it involves a little awkwardness initially. Don’t let that hold you back.
Re: Almost one in five men admits to having no close friends, a survey has found
#284Earlier quoted context omitted.
Is it still active? Pity you could not get funded but then again, good things rarely come in the guise of fundable businesses. Kudos for doing this.
Platform is still active, the 250k monthly uniques is the current number. But I haven't been able to do much other than keep it in maintenance mode for the last 4 years. I've let other forums be created and expanded it, but haven't had time to address it's flaws and improve it.
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Re: Almost one in five men admits to having no close friends, a survey has found
#285Earlier quoted context omitted.
I sometimes wonder if I’m broken when I see comments like yours, which seem heartfelt and correct and as it should be (the desire for friendships that is). Maybe it’s because my wife and kids fill the void, but I just have no interest in making or maintaining friendships. My wife has a really cool coworker that tries to get me out of the house but i just kinda flop on him. I live in a secluded spot that you can’t see…
>Maybe things will change down the road but I’m in my mid 40’s sooo. My dad was like this, his free-time basically revolved around us kids when we were younger and we had a great time. Then we got a little older and I could tell he'd be a little disappointed when we'd be busy with friends/other stuff on the weekends, but we'd still be together most week nights. Then when we went off to college/adult life, he really h…
I also really, really second this. I am currently studying and took some interest in how other parents managed the situation (because of how my parents dealt with it).
If your life revolves around your kids you have to keep in mind that this is not for life. Loosing all your hobbies and all your friends will lead to a bad awakening when you realize that your previously laughter-filled house is now quite, your children left for university and only you and your partner are sitting at the dinner table. Now the house is too big, there's nothing to do in the evenings and you're kinda lost.
A suprising amount of marriages failed and some parents really lost their way. When you don't have any real friends, friends that help when you struggle, it gets tough. You can't fill that void with half-assed hobbies. Eating out on wednesday and going to the gym on friday are probably not really helping.
Writing this, I think I realized something. I think one of the problems is that parents understimate the speed of change and are taken fully by suprise when they move out. One moment they are 16, quite grown up but you still notice the children in them. But then they turn 17 and then there's only one year left until they move out, until they live by their own and explore the world on their own. They maybe move to another city and that turns your complete life upside down. That's a rapid change and it's only 2 years.
Re: Almost one in five men admits to having no close friends, a survey has found
#286Earlier quoted context omitted.
Imagine if it were pay. Women only get 66% of the loneliness men get. This is a national crisis and I demand equality for women.
Our society does seem to value pay > a lack of loneliness. Who here would go into total isolation for a large enough paycheck?
Isn't that sort of what going solo on a startup is trying to do?
Re: Almost one in five men admits to having no close friends, a survey has found
#287Earlier quoted context omitted.
You are illustrating the problem which is that men are “not allowed” to have problems. There are plenty of things, such as unrealistic body image portrayed by the media, that affect both men and women, yet women claim it exclusively as theirs, because men aren’t supposed to. Can’t men have a thing?
> women claim it exclusively as theirs This way of putting things, as if groups like "women" or "men" were clubs with decision making processes, is absurd and only serves to cause division and infighting.
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Re: Almost one in five men admits to having no close friends, a survey has found
#288Earlier quoted context omitted.
I can't say I have a stake in the above post, but I am curious as to why it is getting downvoted?
Because women are not pieces of meat that can be processed and marinated before being consumed for a night of fun, regardless that both parties are seeking the same pleasure. the downvoted are not in this club and so they feel left out
> regardless that both parties are seeking the same pleasure
I see this a lot in the tech community.
People want to be allies of inclusiveness [in the context of corporate professionalism, while trying to apply it everywhere], but the current iteration of this results in still infantilizing women that make different choices and vicariously assuming they're victims when that woman's current aspirations have nothing to do with an executive role in a corporate environment. My non-compliance with that idea is easy to villify, people can choose to assume that I'm perhaps perpetuating some unilateral toxic masculinity, or something, distinct from what I and the other people involved perceive to be a respectful consensual environment. A reality is that context is important, people can exist in different modes and states and feel very respected.
I've had overwhelmingly positive experiences from approaching people with this understanding
Re: Almost one in five men admits to having no close friends, a survey has found
#289Earlier quoted context omitted.
> women claim it exclusively as theirs This way of putting things, as if groups like "women" or "men" were clubs with decision making processes, is absurd and only serves to cause division and infighting.
Call it emergent behavior then; whether through uncoordinated coordination of the media/marketing world, or uncoordinated coordination of peer/social pressures, these expectations exist. I have literally been shut down in a conversation, in person, at work, more than once, because I was a white male in tech.
It certainly takes a special kind of mental gymnastics to figure that a problem that disproportionately affects men is another example of men excluding women from something...
Re: Almost one in five men admits to having no close friends, a survey has found
#290Earlier quoted context omitted.
You are describing being "alone", not being "lonely". Lonely, is defined as "sad because one has no friends or company". Which I would say is unfortunately common in the modern world, where we believe the internet to connect people, but in reality it socially isolates. Alone, simply meaning "having no one else present", is not that bad, no, until you start to feel lonely. I enjoy alone time for the same reasons you d…
You're correct, by your definition I'm both alone and lonely. Lonely makes me sad but has improved productivity, where as socializing gave me what I would describe as 'Short term happiness which seemed fake & ridden with guilt later'.
Why is high productivity important to you? This is an honest question.