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Almost one in five men admits to having no close friends, a survey has found

thetimes.co.uk

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Re: Almost one in five men admits to having no close friends, a survey has found

#261

Post by o-__-o »

all2 wrote: post #255
rolltiide wrote: post #89

Earlier quoted context omitted.

This was my strategy with club promoters. They maintain an air of exclusivity with gaggles of beautiful women around them, and self preservation would tell you not to dare approach any of the women or the table and that the promoter - usually male - would be disinterested or aggressive towards you. But a reality is that the promoters are also desperate for casual conversation. All those beautiful women around and if…

I can't say I have a stake in the above post, but I am curious as to why it is getting downvoted?

Because women are not pieces of meat that can be processed and marinated before being consumed for a night of fun, regardless that both parties are seeking the same pleasure. the downvoted are not in this club and so they feel left out

Re: Almost one in five men admits to having no close friends, a survey has found

#262

Post by honkycat »

jcims wrote: post #33
paganel wrote: post #5

As a man is pretty damn hard keeping friends after the age of 30, especially if you happen to go trough a divorce when suddenly more than half (if not more) of your friends get to “choose” the other side. Yeah, you get to ask your friends back from high-school or college out for a beer but chances are they’re also in a middle of a divorce or they’re too busy with family requirements (can’t blame them) or too stressed…

I sometimes wonder if I’m broken when I see comments like yours, which seem heartfelt and correct and as it should be (the desire for friendships that is). Maybe it’s because my wife and kids fill the void, but I just have no interest in making or maintaining friendships. My wife has a really cool coworker that tries to get me out of the house but i just kinda flop on him. I live in a secluded spot that you can’t see…

> I sometimes wonder if I’m broken when I see comments like yours,

Or maybe other people have the wisdom to know that the kids will move out, the job will change, and that looking past the present moment and planning for the future includes developing hobbies and relationships outside of your immediate family

Re: Almost one in five men admits to having no close friends, a survey has found

#263

Post by _q1cj »

Even at 25, I'm starting to find a lot of "adult" social "events" incredibly contrived and stuffy. Relationships after college and in business are different and I'm immensely okay with that. I still have great friends that I've met through common activities but we're usually incredibly focused on said activity and that's why we get together, not just gathering for the sake of gathering.

Living in a big city quickly became something I didn't see value in after my social life made this kind of shift. I also stopped drinking and stopping seeing much value in "signaling" wealth / success to others. "going out" with people I work with is simply unprofessional and weird (not because I don't drink) and frankly I'm confused why my generation actively tries to facilitate these kinds of overlapping "friendships".

I completely understand when friends of mine tell me they're just too tired or don't have the energy to hang out. I do find it offensive when their reason is "my girlfriend / wife said I have to do this" etc.

Re: Almost one in five men admits to having no close friends, a survey has found

#264

Post by jhayward »

DoofusOfDeath wrote: post #169
garmaine wrote: post #145

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Just FYI, “have no close friend” and “loneliness” aren’t the same thing. I have no close friends, and I prefer it. Don’t try to “cure” people like me.

Has this been a problem in the past? From your phrasing, it sounds like a pet peeve.

Introverts are often harassed with "why are you so quiet?" and "why don't you ?" questions that seem innocent, but are actually attacks by people who are unable to let them be themselves.

Re: Almost one in five men admits to having no close friends, a survey has found

#265

Post by cableshaft »

I recently got married in my 30s, and I had a difficult time choosing who to be my groomsmen, because while I do have quite a few people I could call good friends, I no longer had anyone stick out that I could really call a "close" friend or a "best" friend.

We get together and mostly do activities, like play games or watch movies or go out to eat, and we will help each other out if someone needs it, but I don't really feel too comfortable opening up to them emotionally (well, nothing super personal at least).

I don't really feel lonely, and can talk about most things with my spouse, but I miss having alternate opinions on things.

I especially miss when I had like 20 people on instant messenger that I could have private conversations with on any given evening like I did 20 years ago, because it seems like no one does that anymore, at least not my age. Or at least it seems harder for me to find those people, at least.

Facebook Messenger has the problem where everyone is always online but you can't tell if they're online because they want to chat or online because they're checking their news feed.

Re: Almost one in five men admits to having no close friends, a survey has found

#266

Post by coryrc »

jcims wrote: post #33
paganel wrote: post #5

As a man is pretty damn hard keeping friends after the age of 30, especially if you happen to go trough a divorce when suddenly more than half (if not more) of your friends get to “choose” the other side. Yeah, you get to ask your friends back from high-school or college out for a beer but chances are they’re also in a middle of a divorce or they’re too busy with family requirements (can’t blame them) or too stressed…

I sometimes wonder if I’m broken when I see comments like yours, which seem heartfelt and correct and as it should be (the desire for friendships that is). Maybe it’s because my wife and kids fill the void, but I just have no interest in making or maintaining friendships. My wife has a really cool coworker that tries to get me out of the house but i just kinda flop on him. I live in a secluded spot that you can’t see…

Where are your children supposed to find role models on how to have healthy relationships with friends if their parents aren't being that role model?

Sitcom characters? Lord of the Flies our schools are?

Re: Almost one in five men admits to having no close friends, a survey has found

#268

Post by o-__-o »

Already__Taken wrote: post #65
jcims wrote: post #33

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I sometimes wonder if I’m broken when I see comments like yours, which seem heartfelt and correct and as it should be (the desire for friendships that is). Maybe it’s because my wife and kids fill the void, but I just have no interest in making or maintaining friendships. My wife has a really cool coworker that tries to get me out of the house but i just kinda flop on him. I live in a secluded spot that you can’t see…

Do you have a hobbie that's not your work?

Nope. That is, my hobby is my computer.

Re: Almost one in five men admits to having no close friends, a survey has found

#269

Post by Ocerge »

theferalrobot wrote: post #20

I just switched from a job where I could work from home anytime I wanted (which meant everyone on my team did so 100% of the time) to a job that requires everyone to be in the office 90% of the time because I want more face-to-face human interaction in my life. The convenience was great but, on the whole, it made me less happy.

I start a new job on Wednesday for this exact reason. My remote gig was awesome until the depression kicked in. I didn't know that about myself; I need to physically be around other people.

Re: Almost one in five men admits to having no close friends, a survey has found

#270

Post by hogFeast »

throwaway66920 wrote: post #245
hogFeast wrote: post #208

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Yes, when a powerful, politically active group forces another less powerful, politically inactive group to subsidise them it is definitely not discriminatory. You should tell that to India, those idiots thought making them pay for their own colonisation was bad...their society was better off. I can see now, it is so obvious. > Society is better off when people can afford to raise a family. Alternate theory: society i…

It is impressive how strongly held, yet also specific your beliefs are. Who told you this.

It is impressive that you feel justified in making no arguments but will try to bring down people who do. Are you British by any chance?

Inability to argue? Check. Inability to reason? Check. Becomes defensive when asked to think about closely held but illogical views? Check. Judges a person's argument based on their identity/background (I am assuming that is what "who told you" is about)? Check.

At the very least, try to make an argument. Weak.

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