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Almost one in five men admits to having no close friends, a survey has found

thetimes.co.uk

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Re: Almost one in five men admits to having no close friends, a survey has found

#91

Post by kempbellt »

Abishek_Muthian wrote: post #57

Is being lonely really that bad? I like being lonely, not that it makes me happy, as a matter of fact it may be opposite but I really didn't like when I was not lonely (or) say when I had to socialise, indulge in the small-talk just for the sake of it; I felt like having to constantly fake emotions and have insincere conversations. I've almost completely cut off any realtime communication and my current lifestyle see…

You are describing being "alone", not being "lonely".

Lonely, is defined as "sad because one has no friends or company". Which I would say is unfortunately common in the modern world, where we believe the internet to connect people, but in reality it socially isolates.

Alone, simply meaning "having no one else present", is not that bad, no, until you start to feel lonely. I enjoy alone time for the same reasons you describe. However, too much of it leads to feelings of loneliness.

An ironic aside. I think many people, deep down, would rather feel slightly annoyed by turning down or avoiding social situations with friends, than to not have those situations available to them in the first place.

Re: Almost one in five men admits to having no close friends, a survey has found

#92

Post by ben_jones »

Consultant32452 wrote: post #72
throwaway66920 wrote: post #17

The article states 18% of men had no close friends, significantly higher than women at 12%. Honestly that’s doesn’t sound hugely different to me. For every two women with none, there’s three men with none. The gap is a bit smaller for best friends too.

Imagine if it were pay. Women only get 66% of the loneliness men get. This is a national crisis and I demand equality for women.

Our society does seem to value pay > a lack of loneliness. Who here would go into total isolation for a large enough paycheck?

Re: Almost one in five men admits to having no close friends, a survey has found

#93

Post by Kkoala »

hutzlibu wrote: post #73
Abishek_Muthian wrote: post #57

Is being lonely really that bad? I like being lonely, not that it makes me happy, as a matter of fact it may be opposite but I really didn't like when I was not lonely (or) say when I had to socialise, indulge in the small-talk just for the sake of it; I felt like having to constantly fake emotions and have insincere conversations. I've almost completely cut off any realtime communication and my current lifestyle see…

Try socialice wih people like yourself. Then you don't have to pretend emotions and only talk about things you actually care fore.

If it only was so easy :(

Re: Almost one in five men admits to having no close friends, a survey has found

#95

Post by mmcnl »

Abishek_Muthian wrote: post #57

Is being lonely really that bad? I like being lonely, not that it makes me happy, as a matter of fact it may be opposite but I really didn't like when I was not lonely (or) say when I had to socialise, indulge in the small-talk just for the sake of it; I felt like having to constantly fake emotions and have insincere conversations. I've almost completely cut off any realtime communication and my current lifestyle see…

Aren't you conflating "alone" and "lonely"? I think there's an important difference.

Re: Almost one in five men admits to having no close friends, a survey has found

#96

Post by enraged_camel »

username90 wrote: post #83
jcims wrote: post #33

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I sometimes wonder if I’m broken when I see comments like yours, which seem heartfelt and correct and as it should be (the desire for friendships that is). Maybe it’s because my wife and kids fill the void, but I just have no interest in making or maintaining friendships. My wife has a really cool coworker that tries to get me out of the house but i just kinda flop on him. I live in a secluded spot that you can’t see…

> my wife and kids fill the void This is pretty common among men, but what happens if you get divorced? Any plan-b?

What is interesting is that most people understand the concept of a plan B when it comes to things like what university they will attend, their careers, their financial safety nets, etc. But they assume their marriage will last forever. As you imply, it’s a big mistake.

Re: Almost one in five men admits to having no close friends, a survey has found

#97

Post by jcoffland »

One of the big problems I find is that when I call or text my male friends they often fail to respond. My female friends always respond. I've had multiple discussions with my male friends about this and my conclusion is that they are mostly overwhelmed with the responsibilities and demands of being a modern man. Friendship falls low on the priority list. I, like many men, want more camaraderie but it takes work that's difficult to commit to.

Re: Almost one in five men admits to having no close friends, a survey has found

#98

Post by cgag »

rutierut wrote: post #69
DeusExMachina wrote: post #23

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I moved to another country at the age of 30, which meant the number of friends I had dropped to 0. What worked for me was starting dancing tango, where I built a newer, better and larger network than the one I previously had. I guess this can apply to any social activity where you can interact with people, be it social dancing or coocking classes.

This is amazing, it really shows character that you take action to solve your problems and are successful in doing so. So please know that this is not aimed at you personally... But... I am so freaking sick of people recommending others to pickup either salsa or tango! Not of the people that recommend this themselves but are there really no other options? Tango/salsa classes seem to get recommended again, again and a…

Group tennis classes work for me, I enjoy them greatly. Do whatever you want if you're not doing it to meet women.

Re: Almost one in five men admits to having no close friends, a survey has found

#100

Post by rtpg »

swiley wrote: post #28

If you're an average single man the world hates you. The public considers you a liability that has to be written off in order to stay consistent and most people expect you to hurt them in some way.

what a cynical take. Your marital status usually doesn’t factor into whether someone wants to do something with you (excepting the obvious things)

Like I barely know the marital/relationship status of people I talk to all the time!

Maybe I’m naive or lucky, but seriously anyone who’s making major value judgements on that point of information sounds like a not great person

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