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Anxious tech workers are going to therapy

nytimes.com

131–140 of 271 posts

Re: Anxious tech workers are going to therapy

#131

Earlier quoted context omitted.

No, they shouldn't. Don't seek treatment unless you need it. Anyone telling you otherwise is marketing.

It’s often hard to know if you need you need help, it’s why we go to a doctor for a checkup - it’s equally important to focus on your mental health as your physical health.

I would say you shouldn't go to a doctor either unless you actually need treatment for something.

Re: Anxious tech workers are going to therapy

#132
post #127

I deleted all my tweets. Killed the app. Killed the Reddit app. Killed Instagram. Killed Facebook. I need to reactivate FB and do a dump of my data, but I’m dreading that. I just want the photos. I’m finding solace in boredom and using that as a catalyst for change. I’ve been reading more, already finished three books in the last few weeks. I’m on a mission to pour rocket fuel on my personal consulting business. I’m…

Personally my issue with my work in tech is the cognitive dissonance between the collective belief that we’re all “changing the world” and the reality that most of us are doing very little to do that and/or that deep down we actually believe that the company we are working for actually has a net negative effect on the world.

I realized this about 6 months ago, and this is exactly why I decided to start my own company. People that truly want to change the world should do the same, unless you fear instability more than you desire to change the world.

Re: Anxious tech workers are going to therapy

#133
post #46

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Welcome to freedom my friend. The only social apps I’ve kept are Snapchat for family and Reddit for gaming stuff. It’s been really eye opening to me how much better I feel after deleting my Facebook and Twitter accounts.

Twitter is particularly bad. I genuinely cannot find a single positive thing about it. It just feels like a big huge bitch-fest of one complaint and antagonist after another. Doesn’t matter the agenda, it’s pure negative energy. I’m so glad to have dismissed it.

I came back to Twitter after a 4 year hiatus to my account which formerly had thousands of followers in my hobby niche. Wow is it horrible now. I don’t remember it being so polarizing and negative constantly. I find that to be the case for many Internet communities (e.g. Reddit).

Re: Anxious tech workers are going to therapy

#134

Everyone should go to therapy. I don't think I've ever met a person who doesn't need to talk things out, from time to time, with a semi-objective, third party. Most of us were raised by imperfect people trying their best who still made a lot of mistakes. Even people who had really prepared parents probably experienced things which might have left us with some unresolved issues. Go see a therapist. Its not a big deal.

The only problem with this point of view is that, effectively, you have painted a sort of target on your back. As you say, not everyone goes to therapy (even though they should). Therefore, there is still a stigma associated with those who do choose to go to therapy. That wouldn't be so bad, except there are consequences to going to therapy. Paperwork and records are generated. There are certain positions where you h…

Fear is created by the individual. It may be stimulated by the environment but it originates from the person.

Fearing seeking help because of possible consequences is the act of creating a personal hell.

There will always be consequences no matter the choice. The chance to live life without consuming fear is the missed opportunity for not seeking help.

Re: Anxious tech workers are going to therapy

#135
post #66

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Go drink some beers with your friends who don’t work with you. It’s cheaper.

At the height of my depression, I didn't feel like ever leaving bed, much less trying to corral a bunch of friends into somewhere they weren't going to be already. Also, my therapist is a $20 co-pay, which is way cheaper than going to the bar. This non-answer just demonstrates your lack of perspective.

Not all of us get depressed enough that we can’t get out of bed. Socialization and camaraderie to see that other people have issues too helps keep things in perspective. Keeps me from slipping down a hole where I’d need professional help.

Re: Anxious tech workers are going to therapy

#136
post #46

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Welcome to freedom my friend. The only social apps I’ve kept are Snapchat for family and Reddit for gaming stuff. It’s been really eye opening to me how much better I feel after deleting my Facebook and Twitter accounts.

Twitter is particularly bad. I genuinely cannot find a single positive thing about it. It just feels like a big huge bitch-fest of one complaint and antagonist after another. Doesn’t matter the agenda, it’s pure negative energy. I’m so glad to have dismissed it.

Yeah, Twitter is really bad. Every discussion, no matter how trivial, devolves into a flame fest. I've told this story on HN before, but I was reading some minor controversy about Hearthstone esports and eventually the thread devolved into people threatening to kill each other. Over someone that made a dumb mistake in one of their games. It is crazy.

I think some of us use a lot of electronic communication for work, so we kind of get the idea that there is a human at the other end of these threads. The average Twitter user has not quite made that connection yet, and see it more of public performance art than person-to-person communication. The results are not good.

(There is also some cultural thing going on right now where it's no longer OK to compromise on anything. This results in extreme polarization everywhere.)

Re: Anxious tech workers are going to therapy

#137

I deleted all my tweets. Killed the app. Killed the Reddit app. Killed Instagram. Killed Facebook. I need to reactivate FB and do a dump of my data, but I’m dreading that. I just want the photos. I’m finding solace in boredom and using that as a catalyst for change. I’ve been reading more, already finished three books in the last few weeks. I’m on a mission to pour rocket fuel on my personal consulting business. I’m…

Great comment and kudos to you, but a couple thoughts on the following: “Eliminate things from your life that don’t bring you joy and happiness.” I see this sentiment a lot in the techie self-help sphere, along with corrolaries like “ruthlessly eliminate negative people”. While I understand the motivation and agree it is true up to a point, it can also lead to a shallow and avoidant approach to life if you get carrie…

I feel like this notion of tossing things that are unpleasant is pervasive in California, in a way that it wasn’t where I grew up, in Texas.

As you say, there is a lot of value in sticking with shit that can be really irritating, and hard.

In Texas, they go too far the other way, and tolerate things for longer than they sometimes should.

Funny how that tendency maps so well to the foundations of their politics (progress / conservation). As usual, the right way is somewhere in the middle.

Re: Anxious tech workers are going to therapy

#138

The best way I can describe therapy to a tech oriented person is this: Therapy is rubber-ducking for your brain and thinking patterns. Sure, you can figure the bugs by yourself but you often get stuck in your ways of thinking which make you blind to them. The therapist is the equivalent of a senior brain & behavior engineer. Use them, talk to them. Talk about your quirks and your bugs. You may think you have a perfec…

I never been to therapy or talked to a psychologist, but I want to. What I'm afraid of is that I might pick a wrong "brain and mind engineer" and it might take a while and a lot of money to realize it only to go back to square one.

I found one recently, but after my second email she just replied that she's overbooked. I have issues with rejection among other things :)

Re: Anxious tech workers are going to therapy

#139
Does anyone here have any experience with the Psych On Demand-type services that promise professional therapy like LARKR or Talkspace and the like? $85 for 50 minutes seems quite reasonable and I have been wanting to try it but wanted to hear from other tech professionals before paying the money I barely have.

I know I could use use therapy, although the fabulous graduate-level textbook I once read that I believe nailed the root cause of my issues (deep neglect as an infant) basically said that the only "cure" to most of my issues would be to, and I paraphrase here, to constantly reinforce that I am no longer a helpless child and I need to take control of my decisions as an adult.

Also, the book postulated that deep early-childhood trauma is one of the most devastating things that can happen to person and could very well be the primary driver of addiction later in life, and I remember quite clearly that the author (a German lady from the 20's if I remember correctly) said that it would be better to be addicted to heroin then to be neglected as an infant.

I read the book while in prison, so I am unable, thankfully, to figure out the author or ISBN number, but I sure wish I could find it again.

Re: Anxious tech workers are going to therapy

#140

I deleted all my tweets. Killed the app. Killed the Reddit app. Killed Instagram. Killed Facebook. I need to reactivate FB and do a dump of my data, but I’m dreading that. I just want the photos. I’m finding solace in boredom and using that as a catalyst for change. I’ve been reading more, already finished three books in the last few weeks. I’m on a mission to pour rocket fuel on my personal consulting business. I’m…

I'm in the "anxiety ridden life" mode and can't seem to find a way out. Trying to find a therapist but health insurance doesn't cover mental health. Trying to decide if it's worth paying someone to listen to my first-world problems...

therapy is worth it. Any problem affecting you is a real problem that needs addressing. The "first world problems" meme is just for funny quotes/pics, not real life.
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