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Ask HN: Are you ok?

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Re: Ask HN: Are you ok?

#221

Post by danenania »

52-6F-62 wrote: post #115
hazeii wrote: post #65

How did we even end up here? As a greybeard, messing with computers has always been fun for me. Yet somehow, slowly the system has morphed it into a way to grind talented people into the ground with impossible deadlines and insane demands - to the point where we need websites like this.

> the system has morphed it into a way to grind talented people into the ground with impossible deadlines and insane demands My experience with computers has been the same. That and music. I make it a major point to watch for flags of that kind of environment with any company I speak to. I'm a realist and not every day can be the most fun ever—sometimes there's a bit of a grind—but it shouldn't be the default status.…

I think as a society and an economy, we need a more holistic view of wealth and profit. Obviously a company where everyone just focuses on having fun and forgets about making money isn’t going to do well, but on the other hand, is a company that makes billions but where everyone is stressed and miserable really doing well either? It’s profitable in monetary terms, but not in ‘real’ terms if we include wellbeing and quality of life when measuring outputs.

The impact of a product on its users is also important—does it have a positive or negative impact on their wellbeing?

A business that creates negative happiness should be viewed just like one that creates negative cashflow.

Re: Ask HN: Are you ok?

#222

Post by non-entity »

MGGJFU wrote: post #180
satokema wrote: post #162

Nth-ing no social life and the related whines. I hate the mild feeling of discomfort I get when I tell most people I'm a software engineer. I hate having eclectic or traditional "nerdy" interests and getting a similar reaction. I've been enjoying Classic, and I have a small online circle for the niche games/music/art I like. I hate that I like these things in spite of the detriment to my social benefit to liking them…

That's surprising. I think software engineering is one of the cooler professions now, perception wise. Embrace it and don't be afraid to be nerdy.

It's a lot cooler now, it seems because of the money + media exposure. There are still some old and new negative stereotypes, particularly against CS students

Re: Ask HN: Are you ok?

#223

Post by thanatropism »

The other side of this is mania. I've been truly OK, GREAT ACTUALLY, NEVER BETTER, I'M A PTERODACTYL!! but mentally unwell and pretty much headed for a crash like a booming speculative financial crisis is.

I think the better attitudes to mental health is (1) self-compassion and (2) compassion in general. Health is never a binary -- my blood work says I'm in Good Health but as I run through my late 30s I have occasional muscle aches, get gassy or super sleepy after certain meals and so on.

We're human. Life is transient and fragile.

Re: Ask HN: Are you ok?

#224

Post by doingmyting »

hayksaakian wrote: post #152
hprotagonist wrote: post #101

Earlier quoted context omitted.

"i'm going to answer 3 every time because if i say 4 or 5 i am worried and anxious that you're going to fire me." Welcome to impostor syndrome!

Good point. One way I could try to pre empt this is to say: "nobody was ever fired for answering 4 or 5 to this question" But I'm not sure how effective that would be.

"They were fired for other unrelated reasons, I assure you, but definitely not for answering 4 or 5" :)

If it's prefaced by this I would be even more scared. It's like a parent telling you "I won't get mad or punish you if you tell me the truth". Spoiler -- they always get mad.

Re: Ask HN: Are you ok?

#225

Post by schnitzelstoat »

MentallyRetired wrote: post #108
dyadic wrote: post #49

Not really. My country is being ripped apart, everyone seems so hateful against the other, the government talks about record employment level and pay while people are using foodbanks and sleeping in the streets. My own life is great by the standards that people usually use to measure success. But it feels so empty. I'd rather check out and go and live in a cave on a hill, but all the land and caves have been parcelle…

I'd ask what third world country you live in, but it really sounds like America right now.

I was thinking the UK due to Brexit and austerity under the Conservatives etc.

Re: Ask HN: Are you ok?

#226

Post by losthobbies »

sad-throwaway wrote: post #211

No... but I'm not sure what to do about it I spoke with a therapist, but it hasn't helped me much; he basically admitted he didn't know what to suggest. Maybe I'm weird, and need to find the right therapist, which is what people suggest when I tell them this hasn't been that useful What else can I do, HN? I feel so lonely all the time. I don't have any close friends and people only talk to me at work about work. I do…

Do you have any hobbies or interests outside of work? Is there something that you have always wanted to try but found it hard to start? Perhaps checking up on meetup or something like that...

Re: Ask HN: Are you ok?

#227

Post by skosch »

godfreyantonell wrote: post #214

I am doing ok. Thanks for asking. I am working in my first "hard tech" job after graduating from the help desk. I am also working in my first real job. I am in my late 40's. I am a Unix sysadmin for a fortune 10 company. I have some old debts that I am slowly paying off. They are from years of bad jobs and bad decisions. I am working on getting a better job, migrating into development. My first HN comment. I hope I d…

Congratulations, and best of luck!

Re: Ask HN: Are you ok?

#228

Post by thanatropism »

AndrewDucker wrote: post #59
chrisdhoover wrote: post #42

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I use a 1 to 5 scale and every time the respondent turns it into a 1 to 10. I always get 3.5 or 4.5. I dont get it, what is that 1 to 5 is not fine enough?

Assuming that 3 is "meh" and 5 is "CATATONIC WITH AWFULNESS", that only really leaves 4 for what feels like quite a large continuum, if I feel at all below par. Having 4 options to fill the "below average" part of the scale, rather than 2 feels necessary to me.

It's the net promoter score all over again.

I don't know if there are inventories for depression, but every time someone tells me I'm a bit talkative I take the Young Mania Ratings Scale. It's a wonderful, wonderful tool:

https://psychology-tools.com/test/young-mania-rating-scale

Re: Ask HN: Are you ok?

#229

Post by supermatt »

mapcars wrote: post #93
theanine wrote: post #55

Thanks for asking. Not really, and it's 100% work-related. I dread coming in to work and it's given me awful anxiety that's turned into occasional passive suicidal ideation. Once I leave work, I feel like a totally different person and all the symptoms disappear. My boss calls me stupid, incompetent, r*tarded, and "like you have part of your brain missing". He grills me on literally everything I do, like why I'm gett…

So.. why don't you leave?

> I don't have much saved up to just quit and search for new jobs full-time

> I've been applying every day since but haven't found anything

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