Ask HN: Are you ok? • Hacker News Board

Re: Ask HN: Are you ok?

#101

Post by hprotagonist » Thu, Sep 12, 2019, 2:55 PM UTC

klenwell wrote: post #11

As a team lead, one question I always ask in my 1-on-1's: On a scale of 1-5 (low good, high bad), what's your stress level since we last met? If my teammate says 4 or 5, I ask what we can do to bring it down to a 3. We also address this as part of the simple assessment we do in each sprint retrospective. My company struggles to define meaningful KPIs and OKRs. This is the one that's most important to me.

"i'm going to answer 3 every time because if i say 4 or 5 i am worried and anxious that you're going to fire me."

Welcome to impostor syndrome!

Re: Ask HN: Are you ok?

#102

Post by mapcars » Thu, Sep 12, 2019, 2:55 PM UTC

hazeii wrote: post #65

How did we even end up here? As a greybeard, messing with computers has always been fun for me. Yet somehow, slowly the system has morphed it into a way to grind talented people into the ground with impossible deadlines and insane demands - to the point where we need websites like this.

The system can not grind talented people unless they agree to be grinded. At least in democratic countries.

Re: Ask HN: Are you ok?

#103

Post by akhilcacharya » Thu, Sep 12, 2019, 2:55 PM UTC

bradenb wrote: post #66

akhilcacharya wrote: post #8

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Which prior company? I could swing a referral for you if it wasn't Amazon.

I'm not saying at all that OP doesn't deserve it, but is it common practice to refer someone that you don't know?

We have a concept of networking referrals and personal referrals. Networking doesn’t require strong prior knowledge.

Re: Ask HN: Are you ok?

#104

Post by mindcrime » Thu, Sep 12, 2019, 2:55 PM UTC

Am I OK? More or less, yeah. I definitely experience a lot of stress, but a lot of it is self-imposed, based on goals I chose and choices I consciously made. There are definitely things that weigh on my psyche sometimes, and I have (infrequent) moments of despair where I wonder if any of this is worth doing.

But by and large, yeah, I'm good. I have a plan, I'm working towards it, and I'm having fun along the way. The occasional despairing moments are when I allow myself to focus on the delta between where I am and where I want to go, or if I get caught up thinking about certain things in the past.

Re: Ask HN: Are you ok?

#105

Post by alkonaut » Thu, Sep 12, 2019, 2:55 PM UTC

ptero wrote: post #67

JaumeGreen wrote: post #40

Earlier quoted context omitted.

What if the stress is mostly from outside the job? Some of it could be "solvable" (better pay, better hours, ...), but some of it may not (family problems, health issues, ...). Is it taken into account or addressed?

I think trying to solve personal (e.g., non work related) problems is a minefield. I would not, as a team lead, go there beyond a generic offer to talk. Most companies likely have standard policies for health and similar personal issues and trying to make your own policy on any serious issue there can backfire badly. But job-related stress is there and is often solvable (e.g., a developer may be stressed if he commit…

I was never stressed before becoming a parent. My job pressure is the same but the combined stress is what hurts.

Flexible work hours, remote work and a strictly never-over-40-hours work week has been absolutely essential to be able to cope and still be a good parent (hockey practice weekdays at 4 twice a week for example).

Re: Ask HN: Are you ok?

#106

Post by api » Thu, Sep 12, 2019, 2:56 PM UTC

Once a group of students from nearby UCI were touring our co-working space as part of some kind of conference. One student asked me a question I'd never been asked before: what are the occupational hazards of the programming profession?

I had a ready answer for him: depression, social isolation, and physical atrophy due to long hours spent sitting still.

He said I was the first person with a real answer to that question. Everyone else just brushed it aside since our profession does not involve working with heavy machinery or toxic chemicals or anything else you'd normally associate with risk.

Re: Ask HN: Are you ok?

#107

Post by charmander_ » Thu, Sep 12, 2019, 2:56 PM UTC

AusTosser wrote: post #63

TBH I dont know. I go to work every day When I'm home I hide into my digital life Work is 24/7/365 I have imposter syndrome, constantly, in everything. I was looking forward to "The book of mormon" for years when i finally got to see it the other night, i had to pretend to laugh. I'm an empty husk. I dont know that I feel anything much anymore.

Damn, The Book of Mormon was one of the funniest musicals I've seen. I hope you're able to find a way out of this.

Re: Ask HN: Are you ok?

#108

Post by MentallyRetired » Thu, Sep 12, 2019, 2:56 PM UTC

dyadic wrote: post #49

Not really. My country is being ripped apart, everyone seems so hateful against the other, the government talks about record employment level and pay while people are using foodbanks and sleeping in the streets. My own life is great by the standards that people usually use to measure success. But it feels so empty. I'd rather check out and go and live in a cave on a hill, but all the land and caves have been parcelle…

I'd ask what third world country you live in, but it really sounds like America right now.

Re: Ask HN: Are you ok?

#109

Post by hprotagonist » Thu, Sep 12, 2019, 2:56 PM UTC

theanine wrote: post #55

Thanks for asking. Not really, and it's 100% work-related. I dread coming in to work and it's given me awful anxiety that's turned into occasional passive suicidal ideation. Once I leave work, I feel like a totally different person and all the symptoms disappear. My boss calls me stupid, incompetent, r*tarded, and "like you have part of your brain missing". He grills me on literally everything I do, like why I'm gett…

get. the. fuck. out.

That sounds godawful.

Re: Ask HN: Are you ok?

#110

Post by wysifnwyg » Thu, Sep 12, 2019, 2:56 PM UTC

I'm having a hard time balancing work and my health. According to my manager, I'm performing far beyond their expectations for the role but I can't seem to stay healthy enough to stay within my sick hours.