I’ve Picked My Job over My Kids • Hacker News Board

Re: I’ve Picked My Job over My Kids

#241

Post by lonelappde » Sun, Jun 30, 2019, 2:55 PM UTC

icu wrote: post #109

"Pick your sacrifice" applies here. I think you need to know where your red lines are in your career and family life. Having a schedule helps you keep on track. Other than that, my Dad once said something along the lines of, "Life is a constant juggling act; you have your work ball, your family ball etc. However, your family ball is made of glass, so if you drop it, it will shatter and you may not be able to put it t…

Why isn't the work ball made of glass? Isn't the glass ball of career a huge plank of the feminist movement

Re: I’ve Picked My Job over My Kids

#242

Post by rbavocadotree » Sun, Jun 30, 2019, 2:56 PM UTC

dTal wrote: post #194

untog wrote: post #185

Earlier quoted context omitted.

IMO there's nothing wrong with Men's Rights as a cause, but if you look at, for example, /r/mensrights on Reddit an absolutely toxic hatred of women pervades the place. It's not healthy. But yes, suicide, custody in divorce etc are issues where men deserve recourse. That said, historically women have been on the receiving end of physical violence from men far, far more often than vice versa and were told to suffer in…

I think if you looked at the early years of feminism, you would a similar hatred of men. Only people who have been pushed to the absolute brink are prepared to break the social taboos. The sooner the world accepts that there needs to be a conversation about equality going both ways, the sooner that anger will be defused. Arguing about who has it "worse" is probably counterproductive now. (All of this applies mainly t…

I'm not an expert in the early years of feminism, but from what I have read, this seems very wrong. The early years were about exploration and starting a conversation about what equality would look like. It was closely tied to the philosophical and social movements of the time. I doubt there was any other period in time where men and women worked so closely and cooperatively on the issue. It started as a small group against society, not men vs women.

Re: I’ve Picked My Job over My Kids

#243

Post by hn_throwaway_99 » Sun, Jun 30, 2019, 2:56 PM UTC

remote_phone wrote: post #199

People who say men wouldn’t face the same criticism are wrong. I’m almost 50 and all my friends have been guided by the song “Cats in the cradle” by Harry Chaplin. It’s so prevalent even memes are based on it now. I have sacrificed significant portions of my career to be there for my kids. There are some of my male peers that are less attentive than me but universally we would think they are simply bad fathers. I don…

> People who say men wouldn’t face the same criticism are wrong.

I'm going to challenge you on this one, especially since the post currently right above yours is from a single father of 5 with this quote:

"I'm really glad I'm a single Dad and not a single Mum because there are very few cultural expectations of me beyond working, and everyone acts like I'm amazing for just raising my kids. It's kinda insulting to both genders."

I'm not saying fathers wouldn't experience any criticism, but I still believe that there is a strong difference in cultural expectations and it would be a mistake to if ignore it: women are "generally" expected to be the primary caregivers, so sacrificing children for career is looked on relatively negatively, while men are "generally" expected to be the primary breadwinners, so any additional time spent with children is praised as being a great dad.

Re: I’ve Picked My Job over My Kids

#244

Post by lonelappde » Sun, Jun 30, 2019, 2:58 PM UTC

wisty wrote: post #94

aidenn0 wrote: post #31

Earlier quoted context omitted.

From TFA: > They were lovingly cared for by their father, their grandmother, my son’s preschool teacher and my daughter’s babysitter. Sounds like there were at least two family members watching the kids on a regular basis.

IIRC too many caregivers can result in them having issues. If you sleep in 4 different beds you'll never feel at home.

Father, grandmother, school teacher and babysitter is 1 bed, not 4.

Re: I’ve Picked My Job over My Kids

#245

Post by mnky9800n » Sun, Jun 30, 2019, 2:59 PM UTC

alexandercrohde wrote: post #209

untog wrote: post #200

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> I think if you looked at the early years of feminism, you would a similar hatred of men. I'd be fascinated to see a historical account of that. Many suffragettes (including the founder Emmeline Pankhurst) were married. Perhaps they all hated their husbands, but I'd be interested to know more. > Arguing about who has it "worse" is probably counterproductive now. It's kind of unavoidable, though. Encouraging women to…

> I'd be fascinated to see a historical account of that. Well, not a hard-source, but having been alive in the 90's most women didn't consider themselves feminists in the 90s. And if pressed they'd say things like "I believe in equality but I wouldn't call myself a feminist." Anecdotally, there was a perception that those who most loudly and immediately identified themselves as "feminist" (not unlike those who most l…

I'm surprised you know most women in the 90s. I was alive during the 90s but only managed to meet a few.

Re: I’ve Picked My Job over My Kids

#246

Post by rapsey » Sun, Jun 30, 2019, 2:59 PM UTC

GordonS wrote: post #159

bubblewrap wrote: post #115

Typical New York Times, and typical for that kind of discussion. In such discussions, the image is always of a mother resigning from an interesting and important academic job. Presumably it is mostly academics who discuss such things, and NYT readers are also mostly academics. So when they think of mothers and careers, they think of interesting academic jobs. In reality, most women (and men) don't have such interesti…

> Now nurse might be reasonably interesting, but not irreplaceable like that lawyer. And arguably, you would be doing the same job as at home (changing diapers), only not with your children Did you seriously just equate the work that nurses do with changing diapers?

Or trivialize the job of parenting down to changing diapers..

Re: I’ve Picked My Job over My Kids

#247

Post by lonelappde » Sun, Jun 30, 2019, 3:01 PM UTC

Jare wrote: post #138

permatech wrote: post #124

Earlier quoted context omitted.

You know, I think we would have still made it to the moon if those two guys spent time with their family

But it wasn't just about mankind making it to the moon. It was about getting there "before the bad guys". About making a show of willpower. About proving that no sacrifice is too large.

Making "a show" of willpower isn't useful.

Beating the Russians to the moon isn't what caused their failing political and economic system to collapse. The Russians are still the ones who keep the ISS alive, and it's not meaningfully harming USA or helping Russia in geopolotical hegemony

Re: I’ve Picked My Job over My Kids

#248

Post by lonelappde » Sun, Jun 30, 2019, 3:06 PM UTC

seanmcdirmid wrote: post #81

benatkin wrote: post #55

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Had to know what happened to the other kid(s) and whether it was just one: "Their first son, Nevada Alexander Musk, died of sudden infant death syndrome (SIDS) at the age of 10 weeks." More interestingly, the five are two twins and three triplets. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Elon_Musk

Wouldn’t that mean fertility drugs were probably involved? Anyways, I guess he really likes kids, which is a bit surprising.

Why is it surprising? Liking offspring is the underpinning of all of human evolutionary history.

Re: I’ve Picked My Job over My Kids

#249

Post by jere » Sun, Jun 30, 2019, 3:09 PM UTC

drtillberg wrote: post #158

> I had picked the [trial] date, not the judge, [to coincide with my kid's seventh birthday] because I knew that the other side wasn’t ready. Delaying even a few days would have meant losing a crucial advantage. I wasn’t going to risk it knowing what was on the line for my client. I would just like to say that picking the most inconvenient time for all counsel involved is one of those tactics you see in the practice…

Call me extremely naive but I thought the point of a trial was to expose all the facts and give both sides ample time to do so, not to try to win over a "crucial advantage" by playing games. Seems like bad ethics in addition to bad parenting.

Re: I’ve Picked My Job over My Kids

#250

Post by untog » Sun, Jun 30, 2019, 3:11 PM UTC

50656E6973 wrote: post #237

untog wrote: post #185

Earlier quoted context omitted.

IMO there's nothing wrong with Men's Rights as a cause, but if you look at, for example, /r/mensrights on Reddit an absolutely toxic hatred of women pervades the place. It's not healthy. But yes, suicide, custody in divorce etc are issues where men deserve recourse. That said, historically women have been on the receiving end of physical violence from men far, far more often than vice versa and were told to suffer in…

>historically women have been on the receiving end of physical violence from men far, far more often than vice versa and were told to suffer in silence. Historically, men have been on the receiving end of violence far, far more than women. Far more likely to be assaulted/murdered on the street, convicted for a crime they did not commit, or drafted into and killed in war.

What's your actual point here? That domestic violence shouldn't be discussed because men go to war?