I’ve Picked My Job over My Kids • Hacker News Board

Re: I’ve Picked My Job over My Kids

#151

Post by kgwgk » Sun, Jun 30, 2019, 10:14 AM UTC

seanmcdirmid wrote: post #81

benatkin wrote: post #55

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Had to know what happened to the other kid(s) and whether it was just one: "Their first son, Nevada Alexander Musk, died of sudden infant death syndrome (SIDS) at the age of 10 weeks." More interestingly, the five are two twins and three triplets. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Elon_Musk

Wouldn’t that mean fertility drugs were probably involved? Anyways, I guess he really likes kids, which is a bit surprising.

“They later had five sons through in vitro fertilization – twins in 2004, followed by triplets in 2006.” is the sentence following the quoted one in that wikipedia link.

Re: I’ve Picked My Job over My Kids

#152

Post by kuerbel » Sun, Jun 30, 2019, 10:19 AM UTC

barry-cotter wrote: post #139

kuerbel wrote: post #97

Earlier quoted context omitted.

As an atheist, that sounds terrible. Also there is some legit criticism: taken from wikipedia (where you can see the sources): It also warns members to "avoid independent thinking", claiming such thinking "was introduced by Satan the Devil" and would "cause division". Those who openly disagree with official teachings are condemned as "apostates" who are "mentally diseased". https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jehovah%27s…

That’s the point. A community that can keep people who are indifferent or hostile to its values out has some chance of survival. One that can’t doesn't. Keeping people like you or me out is not an incidental benefit of the Jehovah’s Witnesses, it’s indispensable. If you completely disagree with a community's core tenets they do not want you . And if you’re not a member of a community your feelings about how it should…

I really don't think so. Societal pressure can be even more convincing than violence. If you are going to lose all of your friends and family if you complain about something, that is not healthy. If you have to tell your followers that independent thought is coming right from the devil (lol btw), somethings not quite right with your faith. Else you would not fear independent thought.

Re: I’ve Picked My Job over My Kids

#153

Post by jon-wood » Sun, Jun 30, 2019, 10:19 AM UTC

yomly wrote: post #146

MRD85 wrote: post #14

I made the opposite choice. I'm a single father and I've prioritised my children over my career. I'm not going to pretend it's an amazing lifestyle. If you're intellectually driven then looking after two young children isn't fascinating. However, I love them and they rely on me. I made a choice to bring them into the world and I'm not going to neglect them. I have the kids more than their mother does, and I also pay…

>If you're intellectually driven then looking after two young children isn't fascinating. I've never understood this viewpoint - children are simply the most fascinating things! They're born with next to no inborn knowledge and yet have the potential to learn about quantum mechanics. Someone with the same potential would only have learned about fire some hundred thousands of years ago. In the early days you get to se…

On the scale of months and years children are amazing, and I agree it’s fascinating to watch as they develop into their own people.

However, on the scale of hours and days they can be mind-numbingly boring, as anyone who’s played hide and seek with a four year old who repeatedly goes and hides in their bedroom cupboard can probably attest. I love my boy dearly, but I am so, so, bored of playing the first hour of Minecraft now - he loves it though, so every few days we start up a new world, and we mine our way down to some diamonds, at which point he loses interest.

Re: I’ve Picked My Job over My Kids

#154

Post by [deleted] » Sun, Jun 30, 2019, 10:38 AM UTC

6cd6beb wrote: post #9

Disheartening. I grew up with absentee parents. This is an unwelcome spin on that situation. I can't even give an opinion on this that doesn't immediately fly into rage. I just hope I don't try to pair off with someone who ends up getting hoodwinked by articles like this. This is disgusting.

[deleted]

Re: I’ve Picked My Job over My Kids

#155

Post by james_s_tayler » Sun, Jun 30, 2019, 10:39 AM UTC

EdwardDiego wrote: post #88

EdwardDiego wrote: post #36

I'm a single father of five who obtained full-time custody last year, and trying to balance work and parenting is a never-ending challenge. Some of my observations: 1) Kids have a great time with other kids, so don't feel bad about daycare. Having them at home full-time past the age of 2 is, I think, more about the parent than the child. 2) Sometimes kids just suck, and work can be a glorious escape. 3) School life i…

And because I left it too late to edit it in. 7) You will feel, at times, like you're letting down everyone equally, workmates and children both. And you just have to ride with it. And I've found that workmates will notice your child related late starts or early finishes, and resent them. The only solution is communication. And a decent employer. Our work culture also assumes two people families to an extent.

I never resent my co-workers for child-related late starts or early finishes. I respect them. I prioritize work/career and I always admire the ones who don't.

Re: I’ve Picked My Job over My Kids

#156

Post by lotsofpulp » Sun, Jun 30, 2019, 10:40 AM UTC

pergadad wrote: post #128

lotsofpulp wrote: post #90

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I had immigrant parents who had to work all the time to build and grow their business, so I didn’t have birthdays and that kind of stuff. I don’t care about that kind of stuff at all, not to say that I hate it or anything. I haven’t studied other children, so I can only make statements about myself. The only negative of my childhood regarding the lack of birthdays and whatnot is the inability to feign excitement for…

Be happy that others are happy. That's the key to empathy and sharing the pleasure. You don't have to understand why they are happy, and you don't have to agree with the cause. But you can still find joy in the fact that others are feeling wonderful.

Yes, I wish I had learned that earlier.

Re: I’ve Picked My Job over My Kids

#157

Post by [deleted] » Sun, Jun 30, 2019, 10:50 AM UTC

EdwardDiego wrote: post #36

I'm a single father of five who obtained full-time custody last year, and trying to balance work and parenting is a never-ending challenge. Some of my observations: 1) Kids have a great time with other kids, so don't feel bad about daycare. Having them at home full-time past the age of 2 is, I think, more about the parent than the child. 2) Sometimes kids just suck, and work can be a glorious escape. 3) School life i…

[deleted]

Re: I’ve Picked My Job over My Kids

#158

Post by drtillberg » Sun, Jun 30, 2019, 11:01 AM UTC

> I had picked the [trial] date, not the judge, [to coincide with my kid's seventh birthday] because I knew that the other side wasn’t ready. Delaying even a few days would have meant losing a crucial advantage. I wasn’t going to risk it knowing what was on the line for my client.

I would just like to say that picking the most inconvenient time for all counsel involved is one of those tactics you see in the practice of law too often. And for what? So all the lawyers can miss every major holiday, and their kids birthdays? To make the other lawyers beg for the time off everyone else takes for granted? The article-writer lost me on this one, and I'm sad to see this person is a professor teaching this same toolkit of antisocial tactics to the next generation of lawyers.

Re: I’ve Picked My Job over My Kids

#159

Post by GordonS » Sun, Jun 30, 2019, 11:01 AM UTC

bubblewrap wrote: post #115

Typical New York Times, and typical for that kind of discussion. In such discussions, the image is always of a mother resigning from an interesting and important academic job. Presumably it is mostly academics who discuss such things, and NYT readers are also mostly academics. So when they think of mothers and careers, they think of interesting academic jobs. In reality, most women (and men) don't have such interesti…

> Now nurse might be reasonably interesting, but not irreplaceable like that lawyer. And arguably, you would be doing the same job as at home (changing diapers), only not with your children

Did you seriously just equate the work that nurses do with changing diapers?

Re: I’ve Picked My Job over My Kids

#160

Post by milliondollar » Sun, Jun 30, 2019, 11:02 AM UTC

I made the opposite choice. I left a 7 figure a year (but 70% travel) job to take a few years off with my kids. I'm under no illusion that my kids will be that much better for it, but I will be.

I am consuming this time with just absolute relish. A relationship is the sum of small things. And driving them to school is part of that overall cumulative time that ... just... matters. For me. I'm sure the kids would be great if their mom did it without me. But I only have one shot here, only a few years where the kids are 12 years old. So yeah, I'll spend my 7 figures a year for this. (Bezos test: would I make the same choice on my death bed looking back?)

She is in a unique situation in that she could choose to live any way she wants; she's not some working stiff. And she is choosing something else. It's not going to hurt her kids, but I think it's a tradeoff she may regret later.