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What It’s Like to Be a Diagnosed Narcissist

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Re: What It’s Like to Be a Diagnosed Narcissist

#81

Post by toufiqbarhamov »

DanBC wrote: post #33
drb91 wrote: post #29

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Well, if functioning and fluorishing is defined by conformity, this doesn’t seem very meaningful. Some personality disorders allow a high functioning career and social life. To be clear I am trying to illustrate the idea that a disorder seems inherently devilish to define.

> Some personality disorders allow a high functioning career and social life. No, they don't, because built into the definition of disorder is the impact it has one someone's life.

Which is a bit of an issue isn’t it. Is Shkreli in Cluster B? Probably, and now he has the impact on his life to prove it. So before that, when he was just incredibly successful, had no criminal record, and seemed able to function at a high level did he have the same disorder? If outcomes represent a diagnostic criteria then it reveals a weakness in understanding or even defining the disorder in question.

It’s important to distinguish between diagnostic criteria, and the disorder itself, if they are actually disorders.

Re: What It’s Like to Be a Diagnosed Narcissist

#82

Post by toufiqbarhamov »

WalterSear wrote: post #39
toufiqbarhamov wrote: post #8

Earlier quoted context omitted.

There is also a healthy debate over the degree to which personality disorders represent a true disorder, or just an extreme personality on the edges of normal distribution. If you consider it in those terms, then “treatment” amounts to having someone voluntarily attempt to change their personality at a fundamental level. Even if they wanted to, how likely is that to succeed? All too often treatment for personality di…

There is not. Anyone takes care of a person with a PD would tell you that. And the high functioning people with PDs would explain to you the all the very specific deficits they have to overcome in order to function. And the clinical researchers would explain to you as much as we know regarding regarding the developmental and environmental causes of specific PDs.

There is not. Anyone takes care of a person with a PD would tell you that. And the high functioning people with PDs would explain to you the all the very specific deficits they have to overcome in order to function.

Interviewing people in Cluster B is often an exercise in being lied to. It also requires them to have insight which is generally lacking as a clinical feature. Their caretakers are in a tough position, since they’re often the target of many manipulations gauges to engender sympathy and continued care. All in all it reveals a weakness in diagnosis and formulation of disorders by anecdote.

And the clinical researchers would explain to you as much as we know regarding regarding the developmental and environmental causes of specific PDs.

When they can accurately predict such outcomes from first principles even as well as they do for something like major depressive episode, schizophrenia, etc, I’ll take those claims seriously.

Re: What It’s Like to Be a Diagnosed Narcissist

#83

Post by zamalek »

throwaway987909 wrote: post #68
zamalek wrote: post #7

There's a good chance my brother suffers from borderline personality disorder. My therapist has explained the biggest issue about PDs: the disorders make a person extremely unlikely to seek out help, as (to put it poorly) they believe the problem exists with the people around them and not themselves. This means that very little is understood, medically, about the disorders and how to treat them effectively. The autho…

I'm in recovery for BPD. I did a shit load of emotional damage to my family because of it. My BPD stems from childhood abandonment (absent father) and persistent emotional abuse from my likely NPD mother. I learned to doubt things I feel/thought and often reality sometimes. Real love and emotion connection were terrifying to me on a subconscious level. I never could trust anyone, not even myself (the only one to trus…

> he has to be on board

I'll always love my brother but, for this reason, I'd need to see proof that he's doing what you are. My brother has taught me that forgiveness does not imply a return to the previous status quo: we have our own, our spouses' and our childrens' mental health to protect.

I wish the best for you and patching up things with your family; I'm sure that they all still love you and want nothing more than a healthy relationship with you.

Re: What It’s Like to Be a Diagnosed Narcissist

#84

Post by eggy »

Is there any truth to the fact that in order to be covered by medical insurance in the USA, mental disorders have to have a DSM entry for medical coding practices, and that this has created a plethora of acronyms, or other labels for phenomenon that haven't really been sussed out as actual disorders? I have heard many people over the years reference the DSM as some way validating a phenomenon or label applied to themselves by their therapist or self-diagnosed.

Re: What It’s Like to Be a Diagnosed Narcissist

#85

Post by philwelch »

skedaddle wrote: post #80
philwelch wrote: post #55

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Most cluster B personality disorders inflict the bulk of the suffering and anxiety, not on the person with the disorder, but on those around them. Most of the suffering experienced by someone with this disorder comes as an indirect consequence as they alienate themselves from others. Making matters worse, cluster B disorders tend to cognitively predispose people to avoid any kind of self-blame or self-criticism.

These are sweeping claims to dismiss the suffering of a group of people who kill themselves at a rate ~50x higher than normal. I have no idea what the rate is for those around them, but it's hard to imagine it's any higher. It's true that they rarely seek treatment for a personality disorder but anecdotally, the person I knew was always in treatment for something . BPD is highly comorbid with other disorders: > 96% o…

I was talking about cluster B disorders in general, and not BPD in particular. A lot of the literature I've read seems to indicate that BPD in particular can be an unhealthy coping mechanism for extended childhood trauma, which also explains a lot of the comorbidity. But a high-functioning narcissist or antisocial or even borderline who doesn't have any other untreated disorders might be completely toxic to everyone else in their lives without ever suffering any consequences themselves, as long as they can cycle through victims and enablers fast enough.

Re: What It’s Like to Be a Diagnosed Narcissist

#86

Post by DigiMortal »

gerbilly wrote: post #37

I had to disentangle myself from a friend who was a narcissist. Looking back it feels like I was his 'sidekick'. I was one of his sources of narcissistic supply. He thought he was improving me, helping me with my 'problems', like I was his project. This went on for years before his personality became sufficiently extreme that I couldn't ignore it any more. It was a very difficult time, and it was surprisingly hard to…

Hey - I was recently in a similar situation. Friend of 8 years, roommate, etc.

His arrogance, narcissism, having to be right about every single little thing (impossible to be wrong), built so much toxicity I could not take it anymore. I had to cut him out of my life, it was so toxic to me as a person.

I'm about three months out from it. I feel better. I feel less anxiety, he isn't stressing me, etc.

Now I can better focus on my own problems and continue building myself to my best self.

Hope your journey is going well!

Re: What It’s Like to Be a Diagnosed Narcissist

#87

Post by tapland »

alashley wrote: post #71
MarsAscendant wrote: post #61

Earlier quoted context omitted.

My mother, I suspect, is some level of narcissistic. She can be generally okay, and even nice to be around on occasion, but if there's a hint of her being in the wrong, she becomes exponentially more defensive. "Never happened" is one. She'd claim that the the event of her doing wrong – calling others names, sabotaging others' performance, behaving in an immature, passive-aggressive kind of way – never happened. "Yea…

This is usually referred to as gaslighting, which you may know. A Narcissist's Prayer That didn't happen. And if it did, it wasn't that bad. And if it was, that's not a big deal. And if it is, that's not my fault. And if it was, I didn't mean it. And if I did... You deserved it.

After learning about the narcissistic prayer and having siblings and my SO tell me that they thought my mom has it she proceeded to pretty much say this exactly after wiping her wet hands off on my shirt in the kitchen when we were visiting. Just remove the 'you deserved it'.

I asked her to not open our private mail when we were moving and had to redirect it to my parents (no other relatives nearby) and after doing so she threw a fit and threatened to kill herself on a main street in the capital rather than to say that she was sorry to my SO for opening all out mail.

She even sent me photos in a fit of rage proving that she knew the mail was fine to open, because it said it was just a bill for the redirecting in one case, something that was only visible from the inside after opening.

Re: What It’s Like to Be a Diagnosed Narcissist

#88

Post by saghm »

brewdad wrote: post #48
saghm wrote: post #10

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Most of the article is the author asking the person questions about himself; I'm not sure how anyone could give proper answers to those questions without using first person pronouns.

Brewdad could refer to myself in the third person.

> I spoke to one such person, a 46-year-old man who was diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder in his mid-30s and was treated for years afterward. [I’ll note here that while his English is pretty much perfect, it is his second language; he is Dutch, and lives in the Netherlands.] That conversation, which has been edited for length, is below.

It seems pretty clear to me that the author is not the person who's answering the questions.

EDIT: I see what you're saying, but it would be more strange to answer questions like that than in the first person. I don't think I've ever read an interview where the interviewee didn't respond to questions in the first person.

Re: What It’s Like to Be a Diagnosed Narcissist

#89

Post by zozbot123 »

xenihn wrote: post #59
jacobolus wrote: post #44

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Years ago I dated a woman with a “high functioning” career and from outside apparently normal social life who in retrospect was clearly BPD. She was very good at hiding her feelings during most casual interactions, and was clever and generous and fun to talk to when calm, but had almost a second personality which would come out when she became even slightly stressed which was bitter and entirely self-centered and ext…

I dated a high-functioning borderline as well. It was a horrible experience, but in retrospect I'm (kind of) grateful to have learned about personality disorders as a result. I guess I learned a lot about myself too. I feel absolutely awful for people who date high-functioning borderlines and never learn about it. At least with the ones who are low-functioning, you absolutely know something is deeply wrong with them…

> I feel absolutely awful for people who date high-functioning borderlines and never learn about it. ... I really do think there needs to be more general awareness about Cluster B personality disorders.

But people are increasingly aware of it. The "creepy abuser" (male) and the "crazy chick" (female) are stereotypes for a reason, and both of these seem to closely match Cluster B. More specifically, people are also becoming aware of Cluster B's associated dysfunctional thought patterns, and how to mitigate those, or at least how to effectively counter e.g. the gaslighting, unprovoked outbursts/tantrums, fanciful accusations, etc. that result from such thought patterns.

Re: What It’s Like to Be a Diagnosed Narcissist

#90

Post by [deleted] »

futureastronaut wrote: post #65
xenihn wrote: post #59

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I dated a high-functioning borderline as well. It was a horrible experience, but in retrospect I'm (kind of) grateful to have learned about personality disorders as a result. I guess I learned a lot about myself too. I feel absolutely awful for people who date high-functioning borderlines and never learn about it. At least with the ones who are low-functioning, you absolutely know something is deeply wrong with them…

People generally don't write glowing reviews of their exes, so forgive my skepticism of your and parent's anecdotes.

[deleted]
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