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What It’s Like to Be a Diagnosed Narcissist

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Re: What It’s Like to Be a Diagnosed Narcissist

#71

Post by alashley »

MarsAscendant wrote: post #61
andrewstuart wrote: post #52

I'd be interested to hear, anyone reading this, if you know someone who tends to behave in a narcissistic way, exactly what are they doing that you see as narcissistic?

My mother, I suspect, is some level of narcissistic. She can be generally okay, and even nice to be around on occasion, but if there's a hint of her being in the wrong, she becomes exponentially more defensive. "Never happened" is one. She'd claim that the the event of her doing wrong – calling others names, sabotaging others' performance, behaving in an immature, passive-aggressive kind of way – never happened. "Yea…

This is usually referred to as gaslighting, which you may know.

A Narcissist's Prayer

That didn't happen.

And if it did, it wasn't that bad.

And if it was, that's not a big deal.

And if it is, that's not my fault.

And if it was, I didn't mean it.

And if I did...

You deserved it.

Re: What It’s Like to Be a Diagnosed Narcissist

#72

Post by PlugTunin »

core-questions wrote: post #46
rrggrr wrote: post #16

Its worth noting that the line between Aspergers (which I probably misspelled) and NPD can be blurred, particularly in women. Similarly, egocentrism, generalized anxiety disorder, NPD share features. This matters because empathy and patience is an effective strategy for engaging with those suffering from most of these disorders... but not NPD unless you're trained to do so.

Can you tell me more about this? I think I'm facing this situation - it increasingly feels some kind of half-ASD, half-NPD that makes my domestic life less than ideal.

I'm no expert but suspect the empathy deficits present differently. Seems more willful on the part of the NPD, perhaps. With ASDs, it's often a case of not being self-aware enough to know how you come across, but once pointed out, it can be helpful to know. The narcissist may not even care? The subject of this article, to his credit, may not be the norm. And there are other differentiating factors. Along with autism comes certain sensory issues.

Re: What It’s Like to Be a Diagnosed Narcissist

#73

Post by [deleted] »

MarsAscendant wrote: post #61
andrewstuart wrote: post #52

I'd be interested to hear, anyone reading this, if you know someone who tends to behave in a narcissistic way, exactly what are they doing that you see as narcissistic?

My mother, I suspect, is some level of narcissistic. She can be generally okay, and even nice to be around on occasion, but if there's a hint of her being in the wrong, she becomes exponentially more defensive. "Never happened" is one. She'd claim that the the event of her doing wrong – calling others names, sabotaging others' performance, behaving in an immature, passive-aggressive kind of way – never happened. "Yea…

[deleted]

Re: What It’s Like to Be a Diagnosed Narcissist

#74

Post by futureastronaut »

jacobolus wrote: post #69
futureastronaut wrote: post #65

Earlier quoted context omitted.

People generally don't write glowing reviews of their exes, so forgive my skepticism of your and parent's anecdotes.

The event that ended the relationship was: I was talking to her nice (edit: male) roommate about politics or something at about midnight while she went to bed apparently in a good mood. Turns out that was unacceptable, and she came back out of her room 20 minutes later, started berating me for it while I was confused, escalated to shouting at me for an hour while I remained calm, and finally threatened to call the co…

For those taking notes, your girlfriend may respond negatively to going to bed alone while you have one-on-one time with her friend or roommate (or any other woman) late at night, especially if the other is being "nice."

Re: What It’s Like to Be a Diagnosed Narcissist

#75

Post by da_chicken »

kofejnik wrote: post #27
da_chicken wrote: post #14

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> There is also a healthy debate over the degree to which personality disorders represent a true disorder, or just an extreme personality on the edges of normal distribution. I'm not sure that's a meaningful distinction. That is to say, a "disorder" should be something that interferes with your ability to function and flourish in a normal environment. I'm not sure it's meaningful to draw a distinction between people…

Homosexuality was considered a disorder until fairly recently

Yes, so was gender identity disorder (i.e., transgender) which was often classified with pedophillia or body integrity disorder.

There is no frame of reference for psychology to use except society and general assessments of normality and expected behavior. That mean the only method to determine whether or not something is a disorder at all is a) determine the impact of the condition on the individual's ability to function, and b) determine whether or not the condition results in harm to the individual or others. These are both very subjective measures. The fact that we think we're more right today than we were yesterday is really pretty immaterial.

Re: What It’s Like to Be a Diagnosed Narcissist

#76

Post by jacobolus »

futureastronaut wrote: post #74
jacobolus wrote: post #69

Earlier quoted context omitted.

The event that ended the relationship was: I was talking to her nice (edit: male) roommate about politics or something at about midnight while she went to bed apparently in a good mood. Turns out that was unacceptable, and she came back out of her room 20 minutes later, started berating me for it while I was confused, escalated to shouting at me for an hour while I remained calm, and finally threatened to call the co…

For those taking notes, your girlfriend may respond negatively to going to bed alone while you have one-on-one time with her friend or roommate (or any other woman) late at night, especially if the other is being "nice."

Yes, it’s reasonable and entirely within the realm of normal human feelings to not want to go to bed alone while your boyfriend continues a conversation with your male roommate. It is reasonable and normal to feel upset that this desire wasn’t implicitly obvious to your boyfriend.

But the typical response to a minor misunderstanding like that is to make the communication more explicit with a simple request that the boyfriend come to bed and share that you felt upset about it, trusting that your caring boyfriend will feel sorry, make a note and try to do better next time. Not to lead with accusations of ill intent and quickly escalate to a full range of emotional manipulation and threats of physical violence.

Re: What It’s Like to Be a Diagnosed Narcissist

#77

Post by xenihn »

jacobolus wrote: post #69
futureastronaut wrote: post #65

Earlier quoted context omitted.

People generally don't write glowing reviews of their exes, so forgive my skepticism of your and parent's anecdotes.

The event that ended the relationship was: I was talking to her nice (edit: male) roommate about politics or something at about midnight while she went to bed apparently in a good mood. Turns out that was unacceptable, and she came back out of her room 20 minutes later, started berating me for it while I was confused, escalated to shouting at me for an hour while I remained calm, and finally threatened to call the co…

FYI you're responding to a borderline on a throwaway. Don't waste your time.

Re: What It’s Like to Be a Diagnosed Narcissist

#78

Post by futureastronaut »

xenihn wrote: post #77
jacobolus wrote: post #69

Earlier quoted context omitted.

The event that ended the relationship was: I was talking to her nice (edit: male) roommate about politics or something at about midnight while she went to bed apparently in a good mood. Turns out that was unacceptable, and she came back out of her room 20 minutes later, started berating me for it while I was confused, escalated to shouting at me for an hour while I remained calm, and finally threatened to call the co…

FYI you're responding to a borderline on a throwaway. Don't waste your time.

Don't you think calling out somebody as having BPD based on a couple comments discredits your BPD anecdote somewhat?

Re: What It’s Like to Be a Diagnosed Narcissist

#79

Post by lucianoci »

jacobolus wrote: post #69
futureastronaut wrote: post #65

Earlier quoted context omitted.

People generally don't write glowing reviews of their exes, so forgive my skepticism of your and parent's anecdotes.

The event that ended the relationship was: I was talking to her nice (edit: male) roommate about politics or something at about midnight while she went to bed apparently in a good mood. Turns out that was unacceptable, and she came back out of her room 20 minutes later, started berating me for it while I was confused, escalated to shouting at me for an hour while I remained calm, and finally threatened to call the co…

Had a pretty similar relationship. I was the one that wanted to get back together though. But this one time he didn't apologize and did the most incredible 180 on me. Never felt so hated, almost killed myself [0]. I tried to engage once in a while, sometimes he would too. But would never act/talk "normal" again. He found a new bf and talked about how much he loved him just to make me sad [1]. And one day just minutes after insulting me all of a sudden he starts talking like the old him again. Wanted to meet up. Was so happy. He wanted to just hook up tho, not into that, but still I wouldn't outright say know, was very happy to meet him anyways. I tried saying something like "lets go eat something and we'll see what happens", but he snapped and started berating me again. And that was the final end of us, never messaged him again and neither did he.

[0] which what made me start reading about BPD [1] he'd either talk about this or berate me, wouldn't mention anything else, work or anything. We were always super chatty about literally everything so yea

Re: What It’s Like to Be a Diagnosed Narcissist

#80

Post by skedaddle »

philwelch wrote: post #55
epicureanideal wrote: post #47

Earlier quoted context omitted.

What do you base this statement on? Are you confusing BPD (borderline personality disorder) with bipolar disorder? BPD and NPD, based on several psychology books I've read, including the very good book Schema Therapy, are very unlikely to seek treatment.

Most cluster B personality disorders inflict the bulk of the suffering and anxiety, not on the person with the disorder, but on those around them. Most of the suffering experienced by someone with this disorder comes as an indirect consequence as they alienate themselves from others. Making matters worse, cluster B disorders tend to cognitively predispose people to avoid any kind of self-blame or self-criticism.

These are sweeping claims to dismiss the suffering of a group of people who kill themselves at a rate ~50x higher than normal. I have no idea what the rate is for those around them, but it's hard to imagine it's any higher. It's true that they rarely seek treatment for a personality disorder but anecdotally, the person I knew was always in treatment for something. BPD is highly comorbid with other disorders:

> 96% of patients with BPD have a mood disorder during their life, and lifetime depression is reported at 71% to 83%. Anxiety disorders are also extremely common: 88% of patients have an anxiety disorder, 34% to 48% have panic disorder, and 47% to 56% have PTSD. Alcohol and substance abuse or dependence are reported by 50% to 65%; eating disorders affect 7% to 26% over a lifetime

http://www.psychiatrictimes.com/borderline-personality/comor...

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