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Poll: OkCupid stories

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71–80 of 92 posts

Re: Poll: OkCupid stories

#71

Earlier quoted context omitted.

If by > put out on the first date [...] Make sure you can easily get a prescription for antibiotics. you mean "don't bother practising safe sex", then are you nuts or am I missing something? Some STIs are for life and antibiotics aren't gonna cut it.

Yeah. Paradoxically, I've found if someone makes a point to say they are clean and not to worry about it that's the most important time to wrap it up, maybe twice. I'm sure there's at least one rap lyric about this.

Despite the possibility of getting trolled: using two condoms increases the risk of failure vs. using one. Don't do it.

Re: Poll: OkCupid stories

#72
post #45

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> you are just one of the hundreds who've messaged her. Actually, I found it to be completely the opposite. Most of the guys messaging the girls either (sorted by frequency): 1) Send a picture of their privates 2) Send something incoherent e.g., "GURL UR SO HOT" 3) Send a long, creepy essay 4) Have zero compatibility with her, haven't read her profile (past the picture), etc... and are sending something generic. So i…

"So if you actually read their profile and send intelligent messages selectively, you'll get responses." In a dream world. I've done that on OKC and have gotten zero responses.

I have heard back from at least 5 girls on OKC and gone out with 3 of them at various points in the past year .. again, i might have messaged like 20 odd to get those 5 to responsed but it wasn't a cut-paste job ..

Re: Poll: OkCupid stories

#73
post #22

Earlier quoted context omitted.

You are doing it wrong. The way to do it is to let them come to you. I've never initiated any conversation on OKCupid and I've been on dates with about 50 women from that site. They have always contacted me first. In mid september of this year I had 15 different women contact me in one week, resulting in 10 dates, which was the record. The key is to just have a few decent photos and be funny. It's very surprising how…

I think you're both doing it wrong. Women tend to approach men less than the reverse, I presume that if you approached more then you'd end up with higher values in the qualities you care about. It's also only important to note you are not just "competing" with the other guys she saw this week, but the whole online/offline pool of available males attractive females invariably have. It's about leveraging the speed of t…

> Women tend to approach men less than the reverse

Yeah, that's true. I've talked to girls on the site that didn't even know it had a search. How do they think they get all those messages? It's bizarre.

Re: Poll: OkCupid stories

#74
post #68

Earlier quoted context omitted.

"So if you actually read their profile and send intelligent messages selectively, you'll get responses." In a dream world. I've done that on OKC and have gotten zero responses.

Have you considered that it's your problem, not the site's? Worked very well for me.

Yeah, you're right, it is about me. But what do you want me to say? That it works for everyone?

A lot of my good friends are photographers so most of my portraits are taken from them. Thus, I think my photos are well executed compared to self portraits taken via mirrors/cellphones.

My profile is pretty genuine. I don't aim to be pretentious or egotistical.

When I contact people, I usually start up with something that's related to their profile or something that's in common as to help talk about something interesting. Thus, no disrespectful pick-up lines or gratuitous photos.

Contacted about... 21 people over six months (people of different levels of attractiveness)? Received like... 1 reply.

So, congratulations on the site working very well for you. Really. But, not everyone has such fortunate results despite doing things that are civil and respectful. So when people say, "so if you actually read their profile and send intelligent messages selectively, you'll get responses" well I can say it doesn't always work.

Re: Poll: OkCupid stories

#75

I really liked OKC when I was using it and think it's one of the best dating sites, but I have something of an anti-OKCupid story: I met my current SO in person, at a party. It turns out that we have opposing political and religious views (we're both fairly moderate, so we're not polar opposites, but we do categorize ourselves as Dem/Rep, Atheist/Christian). Personally, I'm a little surprised that things have worked…

Unfortunately, unrestricted searches generate way more hits than you can process by hand. I worked around this by applying subsets of search criteria at a time. For instance, instead of searching for an Atheist/Agnostic 25-35 making over $50k with an Average or Athletic body type who likes backpacking, exercises 3-4 times per week, and has a graduate degree, I would search for athletic Atheist/Agnostics making over $50k, then search for women with graduate degrees who like backpacking, then maybe widen the age range to 20-40 but apply the rest of the criteria, and so on. The challenge was to be as inclusive as possible without generating more hits than I wanted to process in one sitting.

It was also an interesting odyssey into my own preferences, prejudices, and thought processes. Sometimes I wasn't interested in getting a lot of results. Instead, I'd sit down with a desire to explore a very specific search, which often resulted in zero hits. I'd fiddle with the search until I got a few hits. One day I met a really pretty girl (not available, unfortunately) who was Indian and kept thinking about how great it would be if she was going on my upcoming backpacking trip with me. So I did a search for South Asian women who listed backpacking as an interest, and got zero results, none at all in my area, even after I removed all other criteria (18-60+, 4'0"-8'11", all body types, etc.) I was intrigued by the result, so I tried other ethnic groups (no black women into backpacking, either, IIRC) and found that East Asian + backpacking produced a set of results that I could process in a reasonable amount of time. Voila, I found a few interesting profiles and ended up getting a date with one of them.

Small result sets always intrigued me. Searching for women making over $150k turned up a very small set for my area, with a couple of interesting and surprisingly approachable-sounding profiles. When I broadened my search radius, I found one girl I would have messaged in a heartbeat if she lived closer. It was strange how often a small result set had a higher density of interesting and compatible profiles, even if the parameters I chose to create it seemed unrelated to my preferences. The >$150k search surprised the heck out of me; I assumed it would turn up a bunch of women I had no chance with and nothing in common with. But that was pretty typical for small result sets, at least the ones I tended to produce. Large result sets contained lots of interesting people, too, but the payoff of interesting profiles per time spent slogging through results was much lower.

Re: Poll: OkCupid stories

#76
post #34
post #8

personally I find all these dating sites to be completely useless for guys...too much competition. when you hit on a girl in the real world...at worst, you are competing with the 10-15 other guys who've had the guts to talk to her in the past week. with online, you are competing with pretty much every guy within 100-150 miles...and since most play the numbers game...you are just one of the hundreds who've messaged he…

There are substantially more women than men on eHarmony. The paywall really keeps out the riff-raff.

I think the premise (looking for marriage) puts a lot of guys off. Even though marriage is exactly what I'm looking for, I steer clear of eHarmony because I'm afraid of what kind of women it might attract. I have a friend who got married to a woman he met on eHarmony, and he seems happy. Still, I have this horrible fear of meeting a woman who has marriage tunnel vision and through sheer determination makes it work somehow even though it shouldn't.

I know it's a stereotype of the marriage-obsessed woman, but my only concrete model for this fear is a woman I know whose husband feigned a lot of interests and personal characteristics that he dropped within a month of getting married, not to mention that he suddenly started nagging her to change a bunch of things about herself that he never seemed to mind before. So it's a fear I would expect women to have, too. It surprises me that anyone is on eHarmony at all!

Re: Poll: OkCupid stories

#77
post #68

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Have you considered that it's your problem, not the site's? Worked very well for me.

Yeah, you're right, it is about me. But what do you want me to say? That it works for everyone? A lot of my good friends are photographers so most of my portraits are taken from them. Thus, I think my photos are well executed compared to self portraits taken via mirrors/cellphones. My profile is pretty genuine. I don't aim to be pretentious or egotistical. When I contact people, I usually start up with something that…

Maybe 1 reply in 25 is normal for most people.

Re: Poll: OkCupid stories

#78
post #45
post #8

personally I find all these dating sites to be completely useless for guys...too much competition. when you hit on a girl in the real world...at worst, you are competing with the 10-15 other guys who've had the guts to talk to her in the past week. with online, you are competing with pretty much every guy within 100-150 miles...and since most play the numbers game...you are just one of the hundreds who've messaged he…

> you are just one of the hundreds who've messaged her. Actually, I found it to be completely the opposite. Most of the guys messaging the girls either (sorted by frequency): 1) Send a picture of their privates 2) Send something incoherent e.g., "GURL UR SO HOT" 3) Send a long, creepy essay 4) Have zero compatibility with her, haven't read her profile (past the picture), etc... and are sending something generic. So i…

(anon male user)

In a fit of experimentation, I created a female profile using a random photo from flickr (sorry, whoever you were).

As a female user you get a LOT of messages - no private parts yet, but most of the male messages are exactly as the parent post describes: pretty dumb, explicit and anonymous/generic.

It's reassuring for me. I know that I stand out from this crowd.

Re: Poll: OkCupid stories

#79
post #45

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> you are just one of the hundreds who've messaged her. Actually, I found it to be completely the opposite. Most of the guys messaging the girls either (sorted by frequency): 1) Send a picture of their privates 2) Send something incoherent e.g., "GURL UR SO HOT" 3) Send a long, creepy essay 4) Have zero compatibility with her, haven't read her profile (past the picture), etc... and are sending something generic. So i…

(anon male user) In a fit of experimentation, I created a female profile using a random photo from flickr (sorry, whoever you were). As a female user you get a LOT of messages - no private parts yet, but most of the male messages are exactly as the parent post describes: pretty dumb, explicit and anonymous/generic. It's reassuring for me. I know that I stand out from this crowd.

It's quite amazing in the offline world too: just how much unwaranted (and usually creepy) attention women (all women, not just the attractive women) receive on a daily basis (on the street, at the gym, at work). On the other hand, it's also amazing how much rejection men receive every day: I wonder if the latter is one explanation of entrepreneurship being more attractive to men that it is to women.

I am not sure it's a reason to be reassured. You're standing out from "population of men actively looking for a mate online", not from "population of men in general".

It's not all that different from the programming job interview situation. Amongst candidates that are actively on the market, there's a percentage that are _always_ on the market because they are either horrible or have unrealistic expectations.

Re: Poll: OkCupid stories

#80
Very encouraging to hear so many positive stories coming out from the usage of this site. Good for you folks!

I am single for the first time since my early 20s (28 now) and completely overwhelmed by trying it all over again.

I have had a few dates thorough OKc but nothing long term.

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