Ask HN: How does having a baby change your life?

Our first son is nine weeks old now and it's hard to believe the changes we've all gone through since his birth.

>> So does having a baby give you inspiration and ability to do more? Absolutely. I'm more inspired than ever to make BeyondThePedway.com a sustainable business so my wife can not work next year and stay home with our little guy. I want to create the best lifestyle possible for us and him, so the inspiration is there like never before.

>> Or maybe you change your life's priorities? This happened too, at least for me, but it relates to your previous question. My biggest priority now is creating a happy lifestyle for us, where I can work when I want to, and enjoy all of my kid's life. I want my wife to do what she wants to. So yes, it's changed my priorities a bit, but for the better. And I couldn't be more excited.

>> Or you are so exhausted that everything else seems uninteresting? This is where your mileage may vary...a lot. Our little guy is amazing, started sleeping 4-5 hours for the first leg at night right out of the hospital. And he's done it consistently. I don't get up more than twice during the night with him. I was exhausted a bit in the first few weeks because I was still trying to work at night (I'm a night guy), but once I switched to going to bed when he does at 8-9pm and getting up earlier in the morning, it made a world of a difference.

>> How does having a baby change your life? Makes you so happy. Changes your outlook on everything. A whole new set of eyes looking at every aspect of you life in a whole new light. You realize he's going to be a teenager one day. He's going to do all the things you did or didn't do. Indescribable really. :)

"I just need a couple of hours away from the baby" -> after the baby has eaten and been awake for an hour or so, take them for a long walk. They'll likely sleep, and your wife gets an hour (or two!) to rest.

Also AMEN to the routine thing. Create a routine. It works. For babies, this worked for us: 1. Sleep. 2. Wake up (they are now rested) and immediately feed. Now they are rested and fed, and will play happily. 3. Play. 4. back to sleep at the FIRST sign of tiredness (do NOT let them become overtired).

I think it depends on both yours and your spouses contribution to taking care of the child. It also depends what number child you are on like ericb said. The first child is always the hardest and can be a distraction for a couple of months. After those couple of months, and even if you have more children the distraction becomes a need to support your family over your startup. If you can fund your startup and your family without making them suffer, AND you have a supportive spouse in terms of the hours you have to put into your startup, then you are all set.

Edit: I just noticed your user name is kia, so there is a high probability that you are female. Although it is not exactly "right" it is "traditionally" expected for a woman to be more of a contributor to taking care of the child than the man. Thus, it depends greatly on your spouses willingness to forgo gender bias and help you. I would suggest that you be very open and thorough in your communication about how you will share the responsibilities of the child.

What an amazing community - it's so insightful to hear comments from people at a stage I hope to acheive one day. I'm a full time web developer, not long out of University with dreams of running my own projects and getting recognition globally for my efforts. My time forever feels limited, balancing my relationships, work, personal projects and other interests at times feels impossible. Not to mention sleep, something I would happily have none of if I could survive, yet also at times enjoy it more than anything in the world.

Yet when I hear of those with children to balance and still pushing to reach great heights professionally - I'm encouraged as it never slips my mind how 'lucky' I am not to have such responsibility. I use 'lucky' in quotes, as the irony is - I'm aware I'm missing out on having a child who I imagine to be the biggest source of joy and pride one could feel.

I have a girlfriend who I love and the occasional thought of feeling a little overwhelmed and craving more time to work on my own projects is overshadowed by the motivation boost I get from knowing I'm not just working for myself. We're all working to be happy, all pushing for the best life for ourselves and our loved ones. The quest for the perfect balance will likely never end, I guess we just need to do what we feel is best at that point in time. Best of luck to all those putting the work in while still raising a child - I'm sure it can be difficult but also hugely rewarding. Thanks for sharing!

As the father of a daughter of six-years-old, I know where you are coming from. The sleep deprivation, the feeling for the first time in your life that you would gladly give up your own life if it meant saving (God forgive me for saying it) the life of your child.

Even though I've read The Selfish Gene by Dawkins and I know it is all biological evolutionary programming the feelings that are triggered after the birth of your kid are very difficult to put into words.

It also made me realise why my parents made some of the choices they made in their lives. And parenthetically - not saying I agree with them but I didn't have the requisite empathy back then and having a kid gave that to me I think.