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Ask HN: How does having a baby change your life?

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Re: Ask HN: How does having a baby change your life?

#71

Post by jtbigwoo »

The biggest change for me was the lack of free time to do everything. I can still make time to do what I enjoy, but I don't have time for reading books and watching tv and working out and sports and going out with friends. I have to choose one or two things that are most important.

In hacker terms, I was running at a baseline of 10% CPU before the kids and could add whatever other activities I wanted without getting overwhelmed. After the kids, I'm running at 40% CPU (90% for the first three months of their lives :) ) and have to be more judicious about what additional activities I take on.

Re: Ask HN: How does having a baby change your life?

#72

Post by petervandijck »

qstyk wrote: post #66
RyanMcGreal wrote: post #28

There's a two- or three-week period, usually around the six month mark, when your baby can sit up unaided but can't yet crawl. During this time, you can put the baby down on an activity blanket (supervised, obviously) and enjoy maybe five or ten minute contiguous stretches of uninterrupted time to do stuff. Note: activities like preparing a meal and straightening up the place tend to take priority over developing a s…

Consult your pediatrician before even considering letting your infant sleep with you. There may be additional SIDS concerns.

Meh.

Also: everyone will have advice: you will learn to ignore most of it. Particularly advice by your parents. They had babies in a time when there were different priorities. So you'll have to learn to find your own way, trust your instincts, talk to other parents you like/admire.

You can safely ignore most advice by most people :)

(ps: my tip: you can't spoil a baby, not until they're, say, 1 year old (then discipline becomes part of the game. You can never kiss/hold/love them enough or give them too much attention at that age.)

Re: Ask HN: How does having a baby change your life?

#73

Post by ericb »

I have 2 kids under 2. The first one was a shock in terms of the amount of work and sleep deprivation involved. The second wasn't as much of a shock just because we new what to expect. I'm not going to sugar coat this--it more or less destroyed my productivity for quite a while (1st 9 months per child) and this is because of lost sleep, mostly. My children are not great sleepers. Also, my first child had some medical issues that we had to deal with that tied us up at first. I don't see my friends as much, and they are still in the single life which puts some distance between us.

The effect that having this amount, and type, of love in my life was not something I could have understood before I did it. It is truly wonderful, and awesome. As someone who sometimes found the love and loyalty of friends to be less than I would hope, having kids who love me this much is stunning.

Granted, not every dad is as attached as I am, or as involved, so ymmv. Having kids is one of those decisions that I think is hard to make in the sense of, you really don't know how you'll feel when you do it, and your imagination of what it is like is not representative of how you really feel once you have them.

Re: Ask HN: How does having a baby change your life?

#74

Post by DanielStraight »

GreenNight wrote: post #51
crocowhile wrote: post #35

Earlier quoted context omitted.

>I want to build a successful company that makes me independently wealthy so at some point, I can spend my time with him and the rest of my family. Sorry for being cynical but this really sounds like a cheap excuse to justify why you cannot spend time with your baby now. I have a 9 monhts old myself and it's pretty obvious that he prefers having a present dad around right now, rather than a possibly wealthy dad in 20…

It reminds me of: http://tiki.oneworld.net/sustain/tourist.html In the version I read, before finding this one, it talked about playing with the kids, sleeping with the wife and drinking and playing guitar with friends instead of laying in the sun.

And here's the original:

http://www.uni-flensburg.de/asta/pol_kultur_anekdote.htm [DE]

Re: Ask HN: How does having a baby change your life?

#75

Post by msurel »

A better question is how doesn't having a baby change your life.

As others here have said, it changes everything. Some of the changes are good, some are annoying and honestly some of them just plain suck. But you deal with it because that eating, pooping, crying, sleeping (sleep is optional) machine becomes the single most important thing in your life.

Re: Ask HN: How does having a baby change your life?

#76

Post by jonasvp »

qstyk wrote: post #66
RyanMcGreal wrote: post #28

There's a two- or three-week period, usually around the six month mark, when your baby can sit up unaided but can't yet crawl. During this time, you can put the baby down on an activity blanket (supervised, obviously) and enjoy maybe five or ten minute contiguous stretches of uninterrupted time to do stuff. Note: activities like preparing a meal and straightening up the place tend to take priority over developing a s…

Consult your pediatrician before even considering letting your infant sleep with you. There may be additional SIDS concerns.

And what would the pediatrician say? No one knows what SIDS is caused by and deferring to external authority won't change that. Do whatever feels right for you.

Re: Ask HN: How does having a baby change your life?

#77

Post by run4yourlives »

qstyk wrote: post #66
RyanMcGreal wrote: post #28

There's a two- or three-week period, usually around the six month mark, when your baby can sit up unaided but can't yet crawl. During this time, you can put the baby down on an activity blanket (supervised, obviously) and enjoy maybe five or ten minute contiguous stretches of uninterrupted time to do stuff. Note: activities like preparing a meal and straightening up the place tend to take priority over developing a s…

Consult your pediatrician before even considering letting your infant sleep with you. There may be additional SIDS concerns.

There is nothing here the doctor can add, really. I've got two little ones myself, and while they both have their own room, had we chosen this route I wouldn't be bothering to ask a doctor about it.

Re: Ask HN: How does having a baby change your life?

#80

Post by lusis »

Initially, you're going to be pretty sleep deprived. Don't expect to get much done. You're also going to be REALLY distracted by every little snort and sniffle.

Somewhere around 6 months, things will SORT of get back to normal. One person should be able to reliably watch the kid while the other gets some valuable "me' time.

One thing you need to be prepared for is taking time off of work. You'll have to. It's not fair for one spouse to deal with all the responsibility. If possible, you should both attend the pediatric visits for the first year.

The one thing you cannot prepare for is the amount of love that will take over your life. I'm not a touchy feely kind of guy but you'll have waking nightmares about something happening to your kids and sometimes some really bad dreams. I think that's a side effect of the fact that you have someone who depends on you entirely for everything. this little person is your responsibility and you love them so much and they love you so much. It's overwhelming. It changes your world view.

Where you REALLY hit a rough spot is on the second one (depending on the age of the first). My second son came when my first was 21 months old. That's two in diapers. One parent CANNOT watch both kids for extended periods of time at that age ESPECIALLY if you're breastfeeding (which you should at least give a shot).

The biggest suggestion I would make is this: If you have any dreams of being an entrepreneur, discuss with your spouse about how far along you want to get in that process before you have kids. You'll have to put it on hold for at least 6 months if not a year.

I love my kids and wouldn't have it any other way. Yes, it changes your life and priorities.

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