51–60 of 78 posts
I think you're burned out and the personal stuff in your life is taking more of a toll than you think. I think you need to take some time off work, i.e. "mental health/self-care" days. Take at least one day off to just do nothing and chill out. You can use the other days to take care of your personal stuff. Take as much time as you need. Also, if you're gonna quit your job, this is probably one of the safest times to…
> I have a good job...(which doesn't align with my values that much)...Lately I've been feeling depressed and overwhelmed and burnout from all the work that I have to do...I wake up every morning feeling anxious, I am starting to have panick attacks at work...The other day I started crying while talking to a collegue... Why do you think your job is good? Provided you have some job alternatives: what's is this job giv…
I've been there, about 3 years I was sooo down, which was while I co-founded a company. So there was this day when I didn't show up in the office with a cheesy excuse - which was not my style at all. One of my co-founders said then a week later we wants to stop the venture. I wanted to continue but actually this was the best thing ever. I should have stopped all that crap a year ago. Before that stupid job my situati…
* Leave work after 8 hours without making excuses * Go to bed at the same time every night * Get at least 7 hours of sleep. Try for 8. * Stop drinking alcohol and using drugs * Eat better. Cook your own meals. Do meal prep to make it easier. * Start exercising. Start 3x per week, 15 min of HIIT per day. * Drink a large glass of water when you wake up. Drink water throughout the day. * Don't drink more than one cup of…
This is a really good list. The OP should print it out and put checkboxes, and everyday make sure he/she does each task list. Another thing to do is to start a journel and write three things: what you are grateful for today (could be a small thing, no scope), something like this checklist (I put in weight and what I ate or plan to eat with calories broken down by fat/carb/protein), and a list of "Victories" "Today, I…
* Leave work after 8 hours without making excuses * Go to bed at the same time every night * Get at least 7 hours of sleep. Try for 8. * Stop drinking alcohol and using drugs * Eat better. Cook your own meals. Do meal prep to make it easier. * Start exercising. Start 3x per week, 15 min of HIIT per day. * Drink a large glass of water when you wake up. Drink water throughout the day. * Don't drink more than one cup of…
Do you enjoy your job? Could you find another one that would be more fulfilling/less stressful?
If it were me, I'd just quit. Fuck. That. Shit. Life is too short to be depressed, or so much as be bored or at a dead end. If your company doesn't align with your values, then all the more reason to leave. If you have some personal projects you want to work on, build up some funds so you con quit and comfortably take a sabbatical and then spend some time applying for positions in the latter half of it. Do you have f…
I've already lived this situation in a previous job. I'm somehow afraid this might reproduce itself.. It's a mixture of working under pressure and fear of authority figure that comes from abandonment childhood trauma... Also I don't connect with any collègue really. Like in the deep level, contemplating kind of thing.
It sounds like you're doing the right thing by getting therapy, based on what you describe. That's probably something I should have done, rather than work through my problems alone. It's certainly possible to do the latter, but it takes a long time.
Connecting with colleagues in any meaningful way is really a rarity. In the 5 year career I've had being a full-time programmer, I've only meet about 3 people with whom I've been able to really connect with, and only one of those in any sort of deep level(as in we've kept in touch long after we both moved on). I don't know what you are like, but it's possible that the way you socialize is just different from most people. A lot of people are happy with very surface-level interactions, which is why they can be happy going to parties because they can talk about meaningless drivel and be satisfied with the sort of safety provided by not really rocking the boat in any way. Maybe you are one of those people, or maybe you're like I am in that I have no interest in speaking their language but value depth when it comes along. Either way, understanding that can help you look for a work environment that better suits who you are.
Still, either way, connecting with people doesn't happen very often. I long desired to connect with people(I'm relatively bad at this) in part because I struggled in childhood to make friends who weren't going to later stab me in the back. It was difficult to come to the conclusion that I don't actually need connection as much as I thought, but once I did, it was quite freeing because I could better value connections(as opposed to having a level of desperation for it) and also be perfectly content on being by myself and doing my own thing.
Back to the career thing... what other sort of institutions have you worked for? No offense, but financial institutions are the kind of places I specifically choose not to work for. Ask anyone who knows me, and they'll say I've passed up jobs because they were for financial institutions. :) A lot of people are fine with them, but it's not for me. If you've only worked for similar places in the past, maybe your outlook on your career is jaded in part because you don't know how good it can actually be? Just a thought. If, for example, you've previously only worked for other financial firms or marketing firms, then you might not know how good you can realistically have it.
The job I just left was at a non-profit public media organization. What I really liked about that company, despite some minor shortcomings, is that I could believe in the mission, which is important for me. If I worked somewhere that was solely interested in milking the customers of money, I'd lose interest in short order. Maybe a non-profit organization is a good place for you to work? Since they have a limited income, they tend to be more flexible and understanding with their employees since they would prefer to keep them around rather than lose them during critical times.
Do the therapist thing, exercise, eat right, etc...That is all important. Good pay, Good job, blah blah. None of that is really relevant, that is some externally defined bullshit. If you are burning out and waking up with anxiety you need to back up and figure out the root cause. I just suffered through 2 months of this for the 10th time in the last 20 years. This time it was a bit more intense. I have been through e…
10 times in 20 years. Wow. How do you deal with it? What causes your thing? How long does it last? Do you feel shame (I do) when depressed?
Most of it is internal, it flares up when I engage in things that aren't a natural fit for me. That could be related to interpersonal relationships, jobs, moving to a location that doesn't make sense or similar. Each year that passes I become more self aware and it let's me navigate this world a bit more effectively.
I am a very empathetic person, I don't do well with this "me, me, me" world. For years I would always put others in front of myself so that constantly lead to major flare ups. Self neglect is in no way a healthy approach to life. I am mildly allergic to capitalism and "the machine" which does complicate day to day life here in the US.
The length of each cycle depends on how many things are layered into the mix at any given time. It could last a few weeks to 3-4 months. Eventually I would just wear myself out until I was forced to make change.
Luckily I do not ever feel shame. I got lucky on that one. I don't really look for any external approval in life so it is easier to not get caught up in a negative loop regarding self-esteem, self-worth. There is no harsher critic of myself than me.
The last bout was fierce. After months of waking up feeling physically sick, I am finally getting through that but there are still triggers. (The weekly scheduled meetings, the "ding" from incoming emails, and similar lead to minor flare ups)
I think taking time to fully define success and what it means to you at this point in your life is critical. The more I go after $, the more unnatural it feels. I think many of us get sucked into this misguided notion that financial success=security/freedom, when in reality it is simply perceived that way. It is not a tangible, real thing.
Either way, you are acknowledging it and trying to figure it all out. Those are the hard steps, facing it and holding yourself accountable in some capacity (not in excess;)
Once you start making changes you will be empowered. Nobody can take that away from you, if it starts to dissipate that is on you. Fight for it. Run with it.