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Study: Today’s dads are engaging more with their kids

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Re: Study: Today’s dads are engaging more with their kids

#41
post #7

My employer just increased their family leave from 12 weeks to 20 weeks, which is a great perk. These days nobody seems to differentiate from maternity vs paternity leave, which is a great idea because, aside from the value it provides fathers, it also gets rid of the idea that the mother should get more time because mothers should be more involved. (alas, you can argue that it ignores the physical sacrifices the mot…

> alas, you can argue that it ignores the physical sacrifices the mother makes

Which is why California provides both equal paid bonding leave for parents (biological or adoptive) and paid pregnancy disability leave based on actual disability (with standard rules for uncomplicated cases) for those carrying a child.

Re: Study: Today’s dads are engaging more with their kids

#43
post #5

Earlier quoted context omitted.

They were studying fathers, so their denominator was fathers, not children. There's plenty of research showing that fathers make a big difference in their children's lives and happiness. From what I can tell this study doesn't speak to that one way or the other.

My point has been that even though fathers are spending more time with children on an average all children are receiving lesser fatherly attention on an average. May be fathers who love children are staying in marriage thus giving a bias to the whole study.

> all children are receiving lesser fatherly attention on an average

Provide some facts to back up this claim.

> May be fathers who love children are staying in marriage

It sounds like you are saying that fathers that leave marriages don't love their children? Is that what you are saying?

Re: Study: Today’s dads are engaging more with their kids

#45
post #33
post #25

I left the bay area in 2013 when my third kid was born. I'm about 110 miles north now. I expected that as I withdrew from long office hours, replacing it with remote work, my income stagnate (or go down). The opposite happened - my income has actually gone up steadily. Towards the point of this topic - I have been able to spend a lot of time with my kids. We walk (or bike) to and from school, I coach sports, and I'm…

I’m a newly single parent, and I’ve been considering my options in regards to remote work. Are you employed full time by a single company or do you find freelance work? The challenge and time investment of finding new clients constantly has me leaning away from freelancing. I haven’t yet been able to find a full time position that’s flexible enough (results based) though.

A little of both. I do the minimum number of full time hours to get insurance benefits, and then I have a part time job at another tech company. Both of those things are very rare. It took me some time to work things out between the two entities.

I did have some time to work on pet projects and freelance-style (usually free) projects prior to the kids starting sports.

Re: Study: Today’s dads are engaging more with their kids

#46
post #39
post #34

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Google has a cool system where everyone with a new child gets (very long and equal) parental leave. If you physically give birth, you get extra time for preparation and recovery (e.g. men and women adopting, etc. don’t get it). I think this is a good way to recognize the extra burden of parents who give birth while being fair on the parenting front.

Seems weird to discriminate against adoptive parents... I understand the reasoning but seems weird. It would probably be better to have a medical policy applicable to everyone.

Adopted parents aren't excluded. You get the leave whether you are becoming a parent through adoption, surrogacy, child birth or fostering.

Re: Study: Today’s dads are engaging more with their kids

#47

Earlier quoted context omitted.

No. For most women it's awesome that men get paternity leave. @rconti suggested that equal paternity leave might be unfair because of the additional physical costs that women pay to give birth; I was disagreeing with that, saying that if anything paternity adds value for those women. Paternity leave even adds value for women who will never have children, because it undercuts any argument that prefers hiring men over…

> They're simply put at a disadvantage relative to other mothers as a result. How on earth are they put at a disadvantage that someone who does not exist, and so does not need the benefit, does not get that benefit? And more broadly is it nice to talk about someone else getting a benefit that they need as being putting people who do not get it at a 'disadvantage'? Are you disadvantaged that people who can't walk get…

Having a partner when raising a child is an advantage over not having one. The advantage is not merely financial. That's all.

Re: Study: Today’s dads are engaging more with their kids

#48
post #39
post #34

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Google has a cool system where everyone with a new child gets (very long and equal) parental leave. If you physically give birth, you get extra time for preparation and recovery (e.g. men and women adopting, etc. don’t get it). I think this is a good way to recognize the extra burden of parents who give birth while being fair on the parenting front.

Seems weird to discriminate against adoptive parents... I understand the reasoning but seems weird. It would probably be better to have a medical policy applicable to everyone.

Adoption isn't a debilitating medical condition so why would you get medical leave for it in addition to parental leave?

Re: Study: Today’s dads are engaging more with their kids

#49
post #24

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I don't see the comment you're referring to, but McBride was quoting one of the authors of the study. Technically this isn't "spin", Toxic Masculinity and Hegemonic Masculinity are both fields of study in psychology having to do with promotion of dominance and violence. I think both fields influenced this study. It looks like they developed a Parent-Child-Conflict scale that included spanking, hitting, or threatening…

I had to look up Hegemonic Masculinity, and I think I definitely know somebody with this trait (if it is valid) -- one of my employees. I hired him specifically to deal with problems with other employees as a manager. Part of his job he leaves early to coach soccer (which they are doing good, going to state). His children are great and he is completely engaged on a daily basis (they all live on a large farm, if that…

Huh? How is coaching soccer incompatible with spanking?

Re: Study: Today’s dads are engaging more with their kids

#50
post #17

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I don't think authors mean that men need to be "emotional" all the time. They seem to be saying that being detached and hiding emotions prevents men from seeking help or forming stronger relationships.

This idea comes from a stereotypically female perspective. Men typically form stronger relationships with other men through shared struggles -- playing on a team together, going hunting, building something, etc. Working together and not complaining builds trust. To say that the female approach of long emotional talks and displays is objectively superior is not justified. Ask one of your friends who works in a female…

Being physically aggressive is not a more healthy way to handle emotions than acknowledging emotions exist.

The rest of your post is non sequitur. Improving the unhealthy parts of male life does not mean making everyone stereotypically female.

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