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What to Do When a Loved One Is Severely Depressed

nytimes.com

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Re: What to Do When a Loved One Is Severely Depressed

#41

Post by Klathmon »

drak0n1c wrote: post #24
Klathmon wrote: post #12

Earlier quoted context omitted.

It's absolutely not like that everywhere, or for everyone, but for many it's a real problem, and it's not one that has an easy solution. And I'm kind of upset that your comment is getting downvoted so much, as it's a very valid question. Growing up I was taught to trust the police, that if something was wrong to go to them and they will help, that they were safe and would protect me. But at this point in my life I'm…

Statistics show that such a danger is very tiny compared to the benefit of seeking the aid of law enforcement for every race, even if you don't filter out cases where the officer was purposefully antagonized. Social media and 24/7 news is incentivized to publicize negative outliers. Similar to fear around radical terrorism - there is a pattern, but statistically it's not an issue worth altering your lifestyle around.…

Which is only one part of my comment, and it's the one that (in my experience) people worry about the least (but it's always the one that people like to talk about the most).

What about the problem of police causing massive medical bills? What about the issue of fearing police involvement because they may charge you with a petty crime that can cause you significant issues? Or the worry that you could be arrested and jailed for having small amounts of marijuana which is legal just a few states over during an interaction with police? What about the worry of putting an office with their gun drawn in front of a suicidal person?

And even if none of that actually happens ever in "real life", the fear of it happening can be just as bad. It causes resentment, it causes kids to grow up fearing the police, it causes police to fear those who hate them, and instinctively act less friendly and helpful to them.

It's a problem that from where I'm standing looks like it can only get worse and worse. The police are no longer thought of as on "your side", and telling people that "statistically they aren't that likely to kill you" isn't going to solve anything.

Re: What to Do When a Loved One Is Severely Depressed

#42

Post by ajkjk »

mhkl wrote: post #32

What I did is watch the 8 hour docuseries at www.brokenbrain.com and learn from 50 doctors what the various causes are and how to treat these caused. It did help me a lot to understand depression but my depressed son does not want to watch the docuseries. Sigh.

Why should he want to? When I was very depressed I would have hated nothing more than being made to watch 8 hours of something meaningless to me.

What helps (I would think) with depression would be things like "fitting in", "feeling valid", "feeling purpose", "not feeling shame", ""not having social anxiety", "sleeping well", "being fit", "having a healthy community", "having fulfilling hobbies", "having a healthy friend group", "having healthy family relationships".

not "knowing more about how depression works".

Re: What to Do When a Loved One Is Severely Depressed

#43

Post by howard941 »

questionsuch wrote: post #3

As much as I know all of these things, the attitude my loved one has has killed the love out of me. Constant negativity, agitation, it's just tiring. I just can't seem to not take it personal, and to have a mindset that it is the disease and not the person. I can't figure out how to start loving the person again.

What you just wrote had me wondering if my wife was posting to HN because I'm sure she too is also at the end of her rope dealing with my anxiety and depression. If your person is anything like me please resume the loving and know that in all likelihood you're not being intentionally wronged. We just aren't dealing with the black dog as well as we'd like or wish we could.

Re: What to Do When a Loved One Is Severely Depressed

#44

Post by e1ven »

idbehold wrote: post #35
RobertDeNiro wrote: post #26

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Suicide hotlines are pretty ineffective as far as suicide prevention goes.

Do you know of something more effective for the same cost?

Sadly, both statements are true -

Call Centers are not particularly effective. It's also true that there aren't widely available good options.

It's a difficult situation, and the tools to address it are inadequate.

Re: What to Do When a Loved One Is Severely Depressed

#46

Post by gowld »

ajkjk wrote: post #42
mhkl wrote: post #32

What I did is watch the 8 hour docuseries at www.brokenbrain.com and learn from 50 doctors what the various causes are and how to treat these caused. It did help me a lot to understand depression but my depressed son does not want to watch the docuseries. Sigh.

Why should he want to? When I was very depressed I would have hated nothing more than being made to watch 8 hours of something meaningless to me. What helps (I would think) with depression would be things like "fitting in", "feeling valid", "feeling purpose", "not feeling shame", ""not having social anxiety", "sleeping well", "being fit", "having a healthy community", "having fulfilling hobbies", "having a healthy fr…

You listed a pile of goals, not tools. Understanding how depression works can be a tool.

Re: What to Do When a Loved One Is Severely Depressed

#47

Post by soared »

rjpr wrote: post #37
soared wrote: post #33

Earlier quoted context omitted.

That aligns with my previous comment. There is a fast legal process, not some arcane movie-like entrapment like your comment implied.

My comment implied no such thing. I was simply stating that you can't just up and leave should you so wish, you getting released is not in your control.

Except that its /rarely/ not in your control. I'm unable to find numbers, but I find it hard to believe that any significant amount of people's requests to leave are taken to court.

Re: What to Do When a Loved One Is Severely Depressed

#48

Post by gowld »

rjurney wrote: post #14

It is unfortunate that stigma around mental illness causes most people to view psychiatric hospitals as places to avoid at all cost, as they have a stigma so terrible going to one is like dying multiple deaths. After that you're 'legally' crazy (whatever the fuck that means)! In fact, if you need one, if you are severely depressed or hallucinating, a hospital is exactly the place for you. You will most likely love it…

http://www.psychiatrictimes.com/suicide/inpatient-suicide-id...

" Of the 35,000 or more suicides per year in the United States, about 1800 (6%) are inpatient suicides. It is estimated that a psychiatric nurse will experience a completed suicide every 2½ years on average."

Re: What to Do When a Loved One Is Severely Depressed

#49

Post by Broken_Hippo »

kyleperik wrote: post #4

Great article, but what is this about? Is this really true? > But remember that interactions with law enforcement can vary wildly, depending on race and socio-economic background.

Yes.

My ex attempted suicide. I came home from work and found him. I called an ambulance, naturally. The cops came.

While the ambulance was taking him away (to the opposite hospital they said they were going), the cops questioned me. The male was rather nice in mannerisms, but the female...

She told me it was my fault and berated me for my messy house. I was accused of hiding a meth lab (My house was messy, but it wasn't that bad. Seriously). They asked to search the house. I said no. Seriously, at that point I wanted to go to the hospital. I think if I we were a different race, I wouldn't have been able to opt out of the search.

I still hate that female cop.

Re: What to Do When a Loved One Is Severely Depressed

#50

Post by idbehold »

weego wrote: post #28
caio1982 wrote: post #5

"Remember, people do recover from depression" That IMHO seems to be as much of a taboo as having depression itself for a lot of people... it's hard to convince someone that depression is seriously real, and equally hard to convince people [affected by their loving one's] depression is not like terminal cancer.

Recovery is just another step in the process. You don't forget what it's like to start to suffocate in the abyss. You don't forget what it's like to know that dying is easier than any other option available to you and that it's a blink of an eye away. It scars you

Occasionally Fugazi's "I'm So Tired" will come on and I am instantly reminded of the worst parts of my depression. It's been years and years since I was that severely depressed, but that feeling can overwhelm me in an instant when I listen to that song. Just remembering the terrible place I was in brings tears to my eyes because I know how close I got to never experiencing all the joy in my life that came afterward.
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