What to Do When a Loved One Is Severely Depressed • Hacker News Board

Re: What to Do When a Loved One Is Severely Depressed

#11

Post by sp332 » Fri, Jun 08, 2018, 6:58 PM UTC

kyleperik wrote: post #4

Great article, but what is this about? Is this really true? > But remember that interactions with law enforcement can vary wildly, depending on race and socio-economic background.

It also varies according to the particular police department, the particular officer(s) involved, and whether they got up on the wrong side of the bed that day. Generally it's not worth the risk and it's recommended not to call police for "wellness checks".

This is one example, but the article has advice from several experienced people. https://theintercept.com/2018/06/05/chelsea-manning-video-tw...

Re: What to Do When a Loved One Is Severely Depressed

#12

Post by Klathmon » Fri, Jun 08, 2018, 7:01 PM UTC

kyleperik wrote: post #10

Klathmon wrote: post #6

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Sadly yes. I honestly don't have any numbers to backup my feelings, but I know that a lot of people truly fear the police, and possibly for good reasons. A while ago we had to call the police on a loved one that we were fearing was suicidal. By the end of the whole night the only thing that happened was the loved one was stuck with a rather large hospital bill as they were admitted (then discharged the next day), and…

Honestly I wasn't trying to start any sort of debate either, I just didn't know that was really something people have to be aware of. That's very sad. I feel bad not knowing that's the way things are now.

It's absolutely not like that everywhere, or for everyone, but for many it's a real problem, and it's not one that has an easy solution.

And I'm kind of upset that your comment is getting downvoted so much, as it's a very valid question.

Growing up I was taught to trust the police, that if something was wrong to go to them and they will help, that they were safe and would protect me. But at this point in my life I'm honestly not sure if I would teach the same to my children. And that thought terrifies me because I honestly can't think of a scenario where these kinds of feelings end well for society in general.

Re: What to Do When a Loved One Is Severely Depressed

#13

Post by dsfyu404ed » Fri, Jun 08, 2018, 7:06 PM UTC

kyleperik wrote: post #4

Great article, but what is this about? Is this really true? > But remember that interactions with law enforcement can vary wildly, depending on race and socio-economic background.

I don't see why you're getting downvoted.

How many people here would have said the same thing a few years ago before the issue became more mainstream?

Interactions depend just as much on the cop(s) in question (and the bad interactions seem to depend more on the cop) as the person but the statement from the article is basically true at face value. It's always been true. That said, NYT wouldn't have said this a few years back because it wasn't a fashionable issue for folks in ivory towers acknowledged (or at least not enough of them for NYT to feel comfortable mentioning it casually) and NYT obviously does not want to rock the boat too hard among that crowd. Now that it is acceptable I can't say I mind seeing it stated so bluntly.

Re: What to Do When a Loved One Is Severely Depressed

#14

Post by rjurney » Fri, Jun 08, 2018, 7:07 PM UTC

It is unfortunate that stigma around mental illness causes most people to view psychiatric hospitals as places to avoid at all cost, as they have a stigma so terrible going to one is like dying multiple deaths. After that you're 'legally' crazy (whatever the fuck that means)!

In fact, if you need one, if you are severely depressed or hallucinating, a hospital is exactly the place for you. You will most likely love it there. They can help. They can really help. Everyone gets better in the hospital. Everyone. Not "1/3 get better, 1/3 stay the same, 1/3 get worse." Everyone in that sheltered environment rapidly improves. It is a vacation for the mind.

The question then becomes staying out of the hospital. Many people come back every few years, get to know the staff quite well, etc. Others develop a plan to address mounting depression early through ongoing treatment, partial hospitalization, etc.

Re: What to Do When a Loved One Is Severely Depressed

#15

Post by [deleted] » Fri, Jun 08, 2018, 7:09 PM UTC

rjurney wrote: post #14

It is unfortunate that stigma around mental illness causes most people to view psychiatric hospitals as places to avoid at all cost, as they have a stigma so terrible going to one is like dying multiple deaths. After that you're 'legally' crazy (whatever the fuck that means)! In fact, if you need one, if you are severely depressed or hallucinating, a hospital is exactly the place for you. You will most likely love it…

[deleted]

Re: What to Do When a Loved One Is Severely Depressed

#16

Post by astockwell » Fri, Jun 08, 2018, 7:10 PM UTC

spdustin wrote: post #9

I feel like this should be left here: Everybody you meet has a secret smile, and a secret pain. If your secret pain feels like a weight you can no longer carry, please talk to someone. Anyone. Lay down your burdens, and give your shoulders a rest. If you're in the US, there's the National Suicide Prevention Hotline: 1-800-273-8255 LGBT folks in the US might also consider The Trevor Project Lifeline: 1-866-488-7386 I…

UK: 116 123

Re: What to Do When a Loved One Is Severely Depressed

#17

Post by tptacek » Fri, Jun 08, 2018, 7:10 PM UTC

rjurney wrote: post #14

It is unfortunate that stigma around mental illness causes most people to view psychiatric hospitals as places to avoid at all cost, as they have a stigma so terrible going to one is like dying multiple deaths. After that you're 'legally' crazy (whatever the fuck that means)! In fact, if you need one, if you are severely depressed or hallucinating, a hospital is exactly the place for you. You will most likely love it…

I wish this were the case, but "vacation for the mind" is not a good description for the hospitalizations I've been a party to (and have had to work to get people out of). Hospitalization is better than physical harm and is an appropriate response to an acute crisis, but our acute mental health care system in the US is very problematic.

I think it's important to be clear that there are interventions that work that precede crisis hospitalizations, and that even if hospitalization is the right call, you can improve the experience by getting people connected with a good doctor first. The belief --- not irrational --- that there's no available intervention other than psychiatric lock up is a part of the problem for some people.

Re: What to Do When a Loved One Is Severely Depressed

#18

Post by Liquix » Fri, Jun 08, 2018, 7:12 PM UTC

caio1982 wrote: post #5

"Remember, people do recover from depression" That IMHO seems to be as much of a taboo as having depression itself for a lot of people... it's hard to convince someone that depression is seriously real, and equally hard to convince people [affected by their loving one's] depression is not like terminal cancer.

So true. Our minds don't just influence how we see the world around us - they create the subjective realities which we all inhabit. If you keep telling yourself 'there is no way I can do X', it becomes reality.

Empirical evidence has indeed proven that there are many cases of depression which are rooted in chemical imbalances or physical abnormalities and can't be cured by shifting one's thinking patterns. But that represents a portion, not a rule or even a majority of cases.

It's frustrating and saddening to try and help someone when they deeply believe that they can't be helped.

Re: What to Do When a Loved One Is Severely Depressed

#19

Post by astockwell » Fri, Jun 08, 2018, 7:13 PM UTC

kyleperik wrote: post #4

Great article, but what is this about? Is this really true? > But remember that interactions with law enforcement can vary wildly, depending on race and socio-economic background.

That is a warning for people who live in the US, and are not moderately wealthy caucasians. Sadly yes it is bitterly true.

Re: What to Do When a Loved One Is Severely Depressed

#20

Post by oceanghost » Fri, Jun 08, 2018, 7:13 PM UTC

spdustin wrote: post #9

I feel like this should be left here: Everybody you meet has a secret smile, and a secret pain. If your secret pain feels like a weight you can no longer carry, please talk to someone. Anyone. Lay down your burdens, and give your shoulders a rest. If you're in the US, there's the National Suicide Prevention Hotline: 1-800-273-8255 LGBT folks in the US might also consider The Trevor Project Lifeline: 1-866-488-7386 I…

> Everybody you meet has a secret smile, and a secret pain.

Star Trek V!

Sybok: Let us explore it together. Each man hides a secret pain. It must be exposed and reckoned with. It must be dragged from the darkness and forced into the light. Share your pain. Share your pain with me, and gain strength from the sharing.