It all made sense when we found out we were autistic • Hacker News Board

Re: It all made sense when we found out we were autistic

#81

Post by tzar » Mon, Mar 26, 2018, 6:01 PM UTC

dkarl wrote: post #48

I'm curious why people find the diagnosis to be so important. I can't at all imagine identifying with the sentiment, "Nothing is wrong with me, I’m just autistic," as one of the women in the article says. When I go to a party with my girlfriend, I want to come off well, if only for her sake, and I would like to have some interesting conversations, and maybe (very optimistically) to meet someone I can share an interes…

In my experience, anything that allows one to better model their feelings can have significant impact on life. That might come from a diagnosis, though I haven't experienced that myself.

When someone says, "Nothing is wrong with me, I'm just autistic" they might feel as though they can stop predicting how they'll respond in a certain situation—or as a result of a certain decision—based on what others expect of them. Instead they have the opportunity to anticipate themselves without judgement and stop doing things that hurt them.

Re: It all made sense when we found out we were autistic

#82

Post by TomK32 » Mon, Mar 26, 2018, 6:01 PM UTC

Haven't got a diagnosis myself but I tick a lot of boxes for mild autism and a few articles I read about it 5 years ago (31 at that time) made me realize it's a pretty good explanation for me. I'm not surprised that women are diagnosed less, they are integrated into the social web of family and friends a lot better and from early on. I'm pretty sure I didn't have even a 10th of the social interactions my little daughter has. If only I could remember more than 10 things from my childhood.

On quote from the article that I find heartbreaking is this one:

> I’ve watched people carefully and studied psychology to degree level to get me to the point where I can now act quite naturally.

Acting to appear normal, I can do this for a few hours (assuming they serve a social lubricant ;), but put me in a room with small kids, parents and bad acoustic and I need to get out after an hour. My wife's not helping in such situations, actually is embarrassed by my reserved behaviour and inability to connect. She knows that I think I'm an aspie but held it against me so often, that I wish I hadn't told her. She even complains about me not looking in her eyes when she talks, despite know that I'm not wired to do that. On the other hand, no one before pointed that out to me.

What's the point of a diagnosis at 36 when all I'd do with it is show it people who wouldn't believe me otherwise?

Re: It all made sense when we found out we were autistic

#83

Post by emodendroket » Mon, Mar 26, 2018, 6:01 PM UTC

dkarl wrote: post #48

I'm curious why people find the diagnosis to be so important. I can't at all imagine identifying with the sentiment, "Nothing is wrong with me, I’m just autistic," as one of the women in the article says. When I go to a party with my girlfriend, I want to come off well, if only for her sake, and I would like to have some interesting conversations, and maybe (very optimistically) to meet someone I can share an interes…

Because getting the diagnosis explains what's going on, gives you access to a wealth of resources to understand things that were previously mysterious, and unlocks a community of people with the same condition as you who will understand. These testimonials talk about spending years in the wilderness with no idea why you don't fit in.

Re: It all made sense when we found out we were autistic

#84

Post by TomK32 » Mon, Mar 26, 2018, 6:04 PM UTC

tzar wrote: post #81

dkarl wrote: post #48

I'm curious why people find the diagnosis to be so important. I can't at all imagine identifying with the sentiment, "Nothing is wrong with me, I’m just autistic," as one of the women in the article says. When I go to a party with my girlfriend, I want to come off well, if only for her sake, and I would like to have some interesting conversations, and maybe (very optimistically) to meet someone I can share an interes…

In my experience, anything that allows one to better model their feelings can have significant impact on life. That might come from a diagnosis, though I haven't experienced that myself. When someone says, "Nothing is wrong with me, I'm just autistic" they might feel as though they can stop predicting how they'll respond in a certain situation—or as a result of a certain decision—based on what others expect of them.…

That and all this acting can be exhausting or make you avoid such situations altogether.

Re: It all made sense when we found out we were autistic

#85

Post by hinkley » Mon, Mar 26, 2018, 6:09 PM UTC

AnIdiotOnTheNet wrote: post #78

dkarl wrote: post #48

I'm curious why people find the diagnosis to be so important. I can't at all imagine identifying with the sentiment, "Nothing is wrong with me, I’m just autistic," as one of the women in the article says. When I go to a party with my girlfriend, I want to come off well, if only for her sake, and I would like to have some interesting conversations, and maybe (very optimistically) to meet someone I can share an interes…

In society we often interpret certain traits as moral failings, but if we put a label on it and make it a condition those traits become a result of bad luck instead of weak character. The label has a net-positive value in that it can allow others, and yourself, to forgive more easily. Now if we could just learn to forgive without the labels, that'd be really valuable.

For some reason there has been a common theme in some of the movies and TV shows I've been watching recently, where the characters are dealing with their own history and they or someone else declare that "you can't change the past". I found this wasn't sitting right with me.

People change the past all the time, for tons of reasons. But specific to this topic, a powerful tool in a therapist's toolbox is 'reframing', where you look at your experiences and find some new perspective. You change your narrative to have more compassion for yourself and the other players (or lay blame on someone more deserving) so that you can move past it now.

One aspect of that can be identifying that you had some special need that wasn't met. Or that your parents or siblings did. Everyone was trying but they weren't equipped to give you what you needed, and it was what it was. Especially for newly diagnosed conditions, your parents 20 years ago wouldn't have had access to the info you have now.

So a diagnosis can in some cases help people reframe all of this stuff.

Re: It all made sense when we found out we were autistic

#86

Post by psyc » Mon, Mar 26, 2018, 6:10 PM UTC

mercer wrote: post #31

gowld wrote: post #22

Earlier quoted context omitted.

"Autism" is simply a label for a certain basket of personality characteristics that tend to occur together. It's scientifically interesting but not very relevant to daily life -- especially on the milder end where there's less predictive power (in more severe autism, seeing one symptom makes it likely that you'll see other symptoms, so you can correctly plan to encounter them). The label itself doesn't provide more m…

At least over here, one of the requirements for diagnosis is that it impacts your life negatively enough to benefit from being labeled and receiving treatment. What makes you think this is not the case?

There are disorders besides ASD, that share or overlap in some of the traits, and also cause distress.

Re: It all made sense when we found out we were autistic

#87

Post by ForrestN » Mon, Mar 26, 2018, 6:11 PM UTC

dkarl wrote: post #48

I'm curious why people find the diagnosis to be so important. I can't at all imagine identifying with the sentiment, "Nothing is wrong with me, I’m just autistic," as one of the women in the article says. When I go to a party with my girlfriend, I want to come off well, if only for her sake, and I would like to have some interesting conversations, and maybe (very optimistically) to meet someone I can share an interes…

It’s regrettable that our culture has decided that neurological diversity should be understood in terms of abnormality = deficiency. It would be nice to have a more inclusive society that adapted its norms to the way people really are rather than always trying to adapt people to somewhat arbitrary norms.

Re: It all made sense when we found out we were autistic

#88

Post by astine » Mon, Mar 26, 2018, 6:12 PM UTC

Will_Parker wrote: post #35

pluto9 wrote: post #15

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Nothing in your description is specific to Asperger's Syndrome. You sound like an introvert with some social anxiety, which is not a developmental disorder.

That pins down an interesting characteristic of the situation. If we manage to self-treat ourselves into passable normality, few people believe we ever had a serious problem in the first place! Or that they (with their actual serious diagnoses) could learn from those who applied self help and rational analysis to their own lives. I actually think some people get attached to the idea of their victimhood and helplessne…

"That pins down an interesting characteristic of the situation. If we manage to self-treat ourselves into passable normality, few people believe we ever had a serious problem in the first place!"

Yes, and this is true of any mental issue. Hell, it's also true of physical ailments that don't leave obvious visible markers. Depressed? You don't seem depressed. Anxiety? You talk with people all the time. People don't always understand that this functioning is the result of a lot of invisible effort.

I'm sure that their are people out there that like to play the victim, but that doesn't mean that people's struggles aren't real.

Re: It all made sense when we found out we were autistic

#89

Post by [deleted] » Mon, Mar 26, 2018, 6:13 PM UTC

[deleted]

Re: It all made sense when we found out we were autistic

#90

Post by colordrops » Mon, Mar 26, 2018, 6:14 PM UTC

vldx wrote: post #67

colordrops wrote: post #14

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I'm pretty sure I was on the spectrum until my mid 20s. All social interaction was very painful - I couldn't look anyone in the eye, and didn't say anything to anyone. I made weird sounds and movements that others noticed, got lost in daydreams without realizing it, bright light sensitivity, obsessed over meaningless objects and toys, etc. Then I forced myself to travel, take lots of hallucinogens and empathogens, an…

Care to expand on the hallucinogens and empathogens? How did they benefit you?

I believe that at least for me, one of the causes of my symptoms was extreme focus on certain aspects of my reality while being completely blind to other parts.

Hallucinogens and empathogens showed me these blind spots, making me a more rounded and open person. It was sometimes extremely pleasant and sometimes so hellish I wished to leave this world. But the hellish experiences were maybe the most effective at getting me to let go of old obsessions and compulsions. I liken it to the difficult coming of age rituals that many tribal cultures subject their teenage boys to to transition them to adulthood.