Why is it hard to make friends over 30? (2012)

It took a long time for me as well. Kickboxing/crossfit didn't work. Volunteering at a local historic motor racing event every summer since 2010 didn't work (I like the guys, but they're acquaintances, not friends). It wasn't until I got hardcore into going to metal/rock concerts and festivals, and got into pen'n'paper roleplaying that it finally clicked for me, and I started making friends again.

My comments are not bordering on fat-shaming, they are fat-shaming.

Not the "ha ha ha, look at this guy, gross" fat-shaming, but the "stop lying to yourself and publicly expressing the fact that I should treat you in a special way" fat-shaming.

I understand that not everyone has will power. I understand that this means that these people will be overweight.

What I do not understand is that we need to be extra careful with their feelings, not offend anyone and treat the whole thing as if it was normal. I find it unacceptable that a life posture which is driven, in the overwhelming number of cases, by laziness and treating one's body as a trashbin is supposed to be approached with special care.

2% of this population will have the mental disease which does not allow them to actually take care about themselves. I honestly pity them (see below). The others actively and consciously act towards their obesity.

This is the same as with cigarettes: you are free to smoke (away from me) but please do not beg for my tax euros later when you have a cancer derived from that. Or expect that I will live with the cigarette smell. Or that I will fly with half of your body on mine, because you are "weight impaired".

Before the gates of hell open, a few remarks:

- I am profoundly for a social state, like we have in France. I am happy to pay taxes so that people who are unfairly hit by life have the same chance as i have to live a normal life. I always had this state of mind, and now even more with a handicapped wife and a sick child.

- I believe that a mature person has to face the music: if you want to go for mountain climbing and freeze at 8000 m in winter on that difficult slope, this a choice of yours. If you eat like a hippo, well this is your choice as well so do not be offended if you need to go to a zoo to get an x-ray (a case of a few years ago).

- Some people are just unlucky in life and we should do whatever we can to help these people. Unfortunately, the vast majority of overeaters are very vocal about their suffering (between two burgers) and it silences the minority who actually has a problem. This minority takes the hit. This is horrible, I witness it all the time with my wife who uses a disabled parking because she cannot walk too much (and has other problems) and people are looking at her because she looks normal.

Finally about the gastric surgery: if you pay for it, no problem. This is not going to change your mind and your children will probably be overweight (or not, I hope not).

If I have to pay for this comfort, I do not agree. Too bad for you, you will die earlier because you want to. I will keep that money for the 2% who actually have a disease.

By this time people have suffered a lot. Faced economic hardships. I used to make friends regardless of their socioeconomic background but the ones who were poor, always made me feel as if they are poor because of people like me. I am rich. They could justify every worse thing they did to me, just because they thought I had it easy and they had to struggle much. I never got to understand how these guys can justify scamming me. Couple of them screwed me over lots of money and made my life hell but nvm I recovered and still thriving.

You met shitty poor people. Being poor doesn't make you screw people over, but if you're rich, you may not have notice or appreciated how your wealth was interacting with these people.

Great example was in the show Friends. There was this episode when Febie? and Joey were broke as f--k and they got all bent out a joint having to be in situations with the others where they were spending more money than they could afford just to keep up appearances. And then they got even more hurt because of then the others pivoted to pity and charity.

Anyway, you're still thriving to it's all a wash in the end.

You don't need to be aware of the time to use an alarm clock. On a phone, you can set it to an appropriate time with a message. When it rings, start doing whatever the message tells you to do.

I'm very absent-minded and frequently forget things like eating and cleaning, but out of respect for other people, I frequently take notes and set alarms, which at least helps me stick to agreed schedules.

Another useful way to manage it is to schedule things loosely when possible. Agree to meet at some point in the span of an hour under circumstances where neither party will be bored waiting. For example, invite the other party over an hour before going to a see a film.