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Tricks to make yourself effortlessly charming

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Re: Tricks to make yourself effortlessly charming

#151
post #19

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Totally off topic- why is it people always use "voracious" to describe their reading habits?

It's funny how some adjectives always seem to be followed by certain nouns, huh? I think about this whenever I heard about "bodies strewn on the street" on the news. Reading (and watching) seems to be compared to eating all the time: - I devoured that book - I binged that season Then there's that term, "consumption" which seemingly applies to every piece of media.

There is a "veritable cornucopia" of these phrases.

Re: Tricks to make yourself effortlessly charming

#152

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I can see how one may think that! I see charm as a way to make connections with others (which is awesome!). It's also crazy fun to inflect your voice. Everyone has a better time when you're okay being silly. Would you treat a new acquaintance like they had the plague? Probably not. Is it manipulative to be nice to someone? I don't think so. Being silly with inflection, or using any of the tools described in the artic…

Beyond being manipulative, it's coming across in your descriptions as childish and weird. How about you just act how you feel? That seems a lot more relatable.

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Re: Tricks to make yourself effortlessly charming

#153
post #92
post #57

Earlier quoted context omitted.

If you think this sounds stupid - try, it works surprisingly well!

I think I had someone try this on me- I just recall thinking they were a patronizing ass.

If you are asked "What do you find the hardest part of that job?", would you find that to be patronizing?

Re: Tricks to make yourself effortlessly charming

#154
post #9

Iwonder if the existence of said "tips"is why many people find others insincere.

Should people who aren't naturally gifted at interpersonal interaction simply accept their reduced prospects of social, romantic, career and business success? Try applying that logic to any other skill that doesn't come naturally.

Re: Tricks to make yourself effortlessly charming

#155
post #139

Concepts I've found effective and powerful: * Given them your attention and listen closely. Ask considerate questions. * Practice empathy. People usually don't want advice, they most often simply want someone else to understand their experiences. If they are open to advice and you have a tidbit of wisdom, share it kindly and with obvious humility * Channel your optimistic/zen side. All bad experiences are temporary,…

> * Practice empathy. People usually don't want advice, they most often simply want someone else to understand their experiences. If they are open to advice and you have a tidbit of wisdom, share it kindly and with obvious humility This is a thing I sometimes crave... People are very eager to teach you lessons and give one advice after another, when you open yourself up even the tiniest bit, if your life is even slig…

I was an idiot who was on the advice giving side. Looking back I can see how I was a really shitty friend. I am glad to come across these types of topics so that the person opening up to me can have someone who listens without jumping in with advice. Please forgive us idiots who don’t know any better.

Re: Tricks to make yourself effortlessly charming

#156
post #61

Earlier quoted context omitted.

If the FBI shows up at your door, and act very nicely, very friendly... but they have a search warrant... It's not a speeding ticket, you are not gonna out talk them out of searching your house... so you should... not talk?!

Correct. Do not talk to law enforcement without legal representation present. If the FBI shows up at your door with a search warrant your first action is to take the warrant and call an attorney.

Is it ever a good idea to speak WITH an attorney present? I’m serious. I see movies where people talk to law with attorney and wonder if they are actually required to? Could they not just say nothing even with a lawyer?

Re: Tricks to make yourself effortlessly charming

#157

Concepts I've found effective and powerful: * Given them your attention and listen closely. Ask considerate questions. * Practice empathy. People usually don't want advice, they most often simply want someone else to understand their experiences. If they are open to advice and you have a tidbit of wisdom, share it kindly and with obvious humility * Channel your optimistic/zen side. All bad experiences are temporary,…

I think using your analytical mind to affect your attention and behavior in social situations isn't the best way to learn social skills, because it's too easy to come across as creepy if you don't have the right "feel" for doing these things. My own approach is more about unlocking another part of your mind, to which socializing makes sense natively. It's a bit more inwardly focused, but still supposed to be used in…

I agree. Developing one's overall social intuition is ultimately the goal.

I like the mindful aspects you focus on. Mindfulness concepts have been helpful for me as well.

Re: Tricks to make yourself effortlessly charming

#158

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I think using your analytical mind to affect your attention and behavior in social situations isn't the best way to learn social skills, because it's too easy to come across as creepy if you don't have the right "feel" for doing these things. My own approach is more about unlocking another part of your mind, to which socializing makes sense natively. It's a bit more inwardly focused, but still supposed to be used in…

I think these techniques are initially analytical in nature, and may seem forced, but eventually it becomes habit, and you don't have to think about it on a moment-to-moment basis. Your last sentence is interesting, but quite a cliffhanger. Can you expand upon your technique or point us to some resources?

(Not the comment author) I think the general direction is toward somatic approaches like Alexander technique or Feldenkrais method. They do not seem exactly what the comment author meant, but are indeed similar.

Re: Tricks to make yourself effortlessly charming

#159

> "Suzanne de Janasz, an affiliated professor of management at Seattle University, says interpersonal skills are becoming increasingly important in the workplace as organisations have done away with older, hierarchical structures in recent years." Yup. "Flat" organizational structures don't exist in reality; you're just replacing a formal hierarchy with an informal hierarchy of charisma.

You might enjoy the essay The Tyranny Of Structurelessness, which articulates this exact point, if you weren't already referencing it https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=7409611

Re: Tricks to make yourself effortlessly charming

#160
A good guide to become a likeable "nice guy" chump... unfortunately, multiple studies show that even narcissism is more correlated with success and attractiveness than trying to show you're likeable, non-threatening person.

While things in this article are mostly factually correct, they don't work as the author claims.

One thing to consider is that many people who write these books and articles are usually thinkers, very biased and likely to interpret these findings (like smile signals you're not a threat) to conform their ideal world view.

To see just how much of a BS this is in terms of effectiveness, if you're a heterosexual guy, try interacting with women (or other men) with non-threatening smile and raised eye-brows.

See how far it gets you.

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