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Tricks to make yourself effortlessly charming

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Re: Tricks to make yourself effortlessly charming

#41

Post by ZayleePyrex »

zschuessler wrote: post #6

One tip mentioned is to raise your eyebrows. As example: when you first meet someone, raise your eyebrows slightly (or one), smile, and tilt your head and greet them. Making someone else feel special makes you charming. Along the same lines: I find that voice cadences, and inflection, work pretty well for being charming! Take time to enuncicate the whole sentence you want to say, throw emotion into your words. And if…

Of course, if you do these things wrong you've just plunged yourself into the uncanny valley, and are now creepy.

Re: Tricks to make yourself effortlessly charming

#42

Post by wonder_er »

dominotw wrote: post #38
wonder_er wrote: post #5

Earlier quoted context omitted.

A while back I read Never Eat Alone [0], and found it to be fruitful for framing casual social interactions. Additionally, most other people do not look forward to "mindless smalltalk with strangers". Since it's possible that everyone in the group shares equal anxiety about being there, you can provide a gift to them by asking pointed questions. If it's easy for them to answer, and gives something interesting for eve…

This has the danger of someone rambling for like 10 minutes about some book and everyone else is just waiting for him/her to finish. I hate people who tell "stories" in big groups , so rude. I prefer quick back and forth where everyone gets a chance to speak. Lots of people overestimate how interesting their story is to other people. I want to know how to tell people who monopolize group discussion to shut the fuck u…

100% agree. There are members of my family that, if allowed to contribute a sentence, often go on to dominate the conversation for minutes, despite the very obvious boredom and displeasure of everyone else in the conversation.

If you come up with an answer to how to tell a conversational monopolist to shut up... please, please share it. I usually just walk away, but that doesn't improve the situation for everyone else.

Re: Tricks to make yourself effortlessly charming

#43

Post by drakonka »

anbende wrote: post #31
_m8fo wrote: post #9

Ｉwonder if the existence of said "tips"ｉｓ ｗｈｙ ｍａｎｙ ｐｅｏｐｌｅ ｆｉｎｄ ｏｔｈｅｒｓ ｉｎｓｉｎｃｅｒｅ．

People tend to find others insincere when it seems like the other person is trying or practicing rather than just acting naturally. Unfortunately, social interactions are a skill, and for many people this skill could use some work, so this becomes a catch-22. Trying or practicing is a prerequisite for getting better, but it seems unnatural and/or awkward at first. Of course, some people just rattle off canned lines a…

Even "PUAs" are often in the first category. Many guys getting into the pickup scene tend to start off using these canned one-liners and being insincere. Often they are really uncomfortable with talking to anyone, much less the opposite sex, so these canned openers and lines sort of help them build some initial confidence in some cases even though they're super cheesy - they are used as a crutch. But as they get more comfortable they sort of realize that using someone else's lines to seem like an interesting person isn't an actual replacement for being a genuinely interesting person. Some of these guys continue relying on the cheesy canned openers, but quite a few move on to actually learning more genuine communication skills and working on improving themselves in the long run, becoming genuinely interesting people to talk to.

Re: Tricks to make yourself effortlessly charming

#44

Post by TrevorAustin »

StavrosK wrote: post #17
hoodwink wrote: post #2

Any good book recommendations on engaging small talk and authentic first impressions? I’m headed to a weeklong NYE retreat that has a tendency to dredge up high school cafeteria level social anxieties.

Not a book, but I've found that asking people what they do and being genuinely interested in it (especially if it's a job you know nothing about) is a treasure trove of interesting information. For example, if you meet a plumber, you can get hours of conversation out of just talking about the various aspects of the jobs. Although I guess it helps that I like learning about other jobs, too, and I tend to ask people to…

Paul Ford has a great riff on that: https://medium.com/message/how-to-be-polite-9bf1e69e888c

> Here’s a polite person’s trick, one that has never failed me. I will share it with you because I like and respect you, and it is clear to me that you’ll know how to apply it wisely: When you are at a party and are thrust into conversation with someone, see how long you can hold off before talking about what they do for a living. And when that painful lull arrives, be the master of it. I have come to revel in that agonizing first pause, because I know that I can push a conversation through. Just ask the other person what they do, and right after they tell you, say: “Wow. That sounds hard.”

> Because nearly everyone in the world believes their job to be difficult. I once went to a party and met a very beautiful woman whose job was to help celebrities wear Harry Winston jewelry. I could tell that she was disappointed to be introduced to this rumpled giant in an off-brand shirt, but when I told her that her job sounded difficult to me she brightened and spoke for 30 straight minutes about sapphires and Jessica Simpson. She kept touching me as she talked. I forgave her for that. I didn’t reveal a single detail about myself, including my name. Eventually someone pulled me back into the party. The celebrity jewelry coordinator smiled and grabbed my hand and said, “I like you!” She seemed so relieved to have unburdened herself. I counted it as a great accomplishment. Maybe a hundred times since I’ve said, “wow, that sounds hard” to a stranger, always to great effect. I stay home with my kids and have no life left to me, so take this party trick, my gift to you.

Re: Tricks to make yourself effortlessly charming

#45

Post by [deleted] »

zschuessler wrote: post #6

One tip mentioned is to raise your eyebrows. As example: when you first meet someone, raise your eyebrows slightly (or one), smile, and tilt your head and greet them. Making someone else feel special makes you charming. Along the same lines: I find that voice cadences, and inflection, work pretty well for being charming! Take time to enuncicate the whole sentence you want to say, throw emotion into your words. And if…

[deleted]

Re: Tricks to make yourself effortlessly charming

#46

Post by wallace_f »

heartbreak wrote: post #28
cloakandswagger wrote: post #27

Earlier quoted context omitted.

They're good, but the transcripts really demonstrate just how hopelessly naive RW is. She printed classified docs on her work printer, emailed them from her work email and then confessed to FBI agents without consulting a lawyer. It doesn't excuse what she did, of course, but it's clear she didn't grasp the gravity of her actions.

Maybe it’s because I’ve never been in that position, but I simply do not understand why you wouldn’t ask to have an attorney present for the questioning.

What she leaked didn't hurt the deep state or the plutocracy, nor did it help the people. She is either hopelessly naive in all of her actions, or controlled. Probably the former.

Re: Tricks to make yourself effortlessly charming

#47

Post by 659087 »

Tricks to make yourself look like a sleazy salesman to anyone who sees through your bullshit. It's like the "developing your 'personal brand'" concept those without personalities use on social media, but applied to real life situations.

I prefer not to interact with people who need to use "tricks" to make themselves seem trustworthy. The fact that you're faking a personality (aka lying) already tells me all I need to know about your trustworthiness up front.

Re: Tricks to make yourself effortlessly charming

#48

Post by [deleted] »

betenoire wrote: post #26
hoodwink wrote: post #2

Any good book recommendations on engaging small talk and authentic first impressions? I’m headed to a weeklong NYE retreat that has a tendency to dredge up high school cafeteria level social anxieties.

This book worked well at helping me overtime social anxiety. It helped me see how others saw me. Upon reading it, and taking its advice, at least one long-time friend mentioned to my wife at how much happier and friendlier I seemed lately. The Charisma Myth by Olivia Cabane.

[deleted]

Re: Tricks to make yourself effortlessly charming

#50

Post by andy_ppp »

heartbreak wrote: post #28
cloakandswagger wrote: post #27

Earlier quoted context omitted.

They're good, but the transcripts really demonstrate just how hopelessly naive RW is. She printed classified docs on her work printer, emailed them from her work email and then confessed to FBI agents without consulting a lawyer. It doesn't excuse what she did, of course, but it's clear she didn't grasp the gravity of her actions.

Maybe it’s because I’ve never been in that position, but I simply do not understand why you wouldn’t ask to have an attorney present for the questioning.

When you are in this situation fine, sat at your desk, relaxed.

If I pretend to be your friend make you feel amazing then crank up the pressure before you realise what’s going on you’re being quizzed at a pace by someone who doesn’t even give you time to breath and starts making threats about your future well-being. Sure, you might forget the lawyer the first time this happens.

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