Ask HN: What were your naivetés in your twenties? • Hacker News Board

Re: Ask HN: What were your naivetés in your twenties?

#191

Post by pheon » Wed, Jun 30, 2010, 4:37 PM UTC

in addition to the some excellent comments

1) you live in your own personal reality. what you see/understand/think/etc others cant and what others can you dont. when you get this, it completely changes your perspective on communication.

2) readup and learn to identify the different general personality types. and understand how they view the world

3) you dont need permission from anyone. not your mom, your boss, your friends/peers/gf/spose etc. if you want to start a company, JFD. want to travel JFD. want to change jobs JFD. life is too short so beg for forgiveness.

4) dont seek out approval. meaning dont please your friends/peers/gf/spose/boss/clients to get a pat on the head. dosent mean be an asshole and dosent mean do do nice things for people. i means dont do things to seek their approval

Re: Ask HN: What were your naivetés in your twenties?

#192

Post by cmos » Wed, Jun 30, 2010, 4:41 PM UTC

- Go with your gut reaction - that's all you have right now, until you build up experience. But listen to that small voice that says 'hey, this isn't right' and don't let people talk you out of it, even when you don't have a logical argument to pose to them.

- Be the person who helps old people, who holds the door for everyone, who goes out of your way to help people. There is nothing sweeter than improving the quality of someone's life.

- Money means nothing. Don't loan money to people - just give it to them if they need it more than you.

- Be very very careful about the implications of raising money for a startup. Taking investment means you are beholden to your investors to create a return. So if the company you are starting is your dream, your life, your everything be so aware that you are indeed selling this dream and you are no longer the master of it.

- Always be the better person. Time and time again people will crap upon you, and how you react is truly a measure of what kind of person you are, and how people will judge you. Don't complain, don't whine. Forgive and forget. Surprise people with your compassion and always help your 'enemies' be better people, even if they are making your life miserable.

- killer meal to cook for that special someone (if your not an amazing cook): get a couple fillet's of white fish + put a ton of lemon pepper on them + throw them in the oven until they break up easily. Steam broccoli or asparagus.

- Floss daily.

- Look around and choose which friends you will have in 10 years. Those are the relationships to foster. A good friend means you can go years without talking, then pick up right where you left off.

- Be comfortable being alone. Love being alone. If you truly believe you are amazing, other people will too. Charm will get you further than you can imagine.

- Always tip well.

Re: Ask HN: What were your naivetés in your twenties?

#193

Post by mindcrime » Wed, Jun 30, 2010, 4:43 PM UTC

  I only beseech your wisdom about what mistakes/naivetes 
  I'll incur in my twenties

Strangely enough, a lot of the things you look back on as being "silly" from high-school, really aren't. From a certain point of view. You can only truly live in "the now" and what seems important right now, really is what's important right now. Not to sound fatalistic, but we're not guaranteed anything, not even to wake up tomorrow.

That said, probably the biggest thing I look back on my twenties and think "I was wrong about this" about is this: When I was in my twenties, I had no conception of just how short life is, and how quickly some opportunities can vanish. So I was too patient. I believed "patience is a virtue" (and in some ways it is) but I was probably too patient, too willing to take my time and "wait for things to develop." In retrospect, there are times when being more aggressive and forcing the issue is called for.

Like Bon Jovi sang:

  Luck, it ain't enough, you gotta make your own breaks. 
  It's my life. It's now or never. I ain't going to live 
  forever. I just want to live while I'm alive ...

Sometimes you really have to say "fuck it, I'm making this shit happen and I ain't waiting."

The kicker is, there are still times when patience IS a virtue. The tough part is telling the difference. So if I had any advice for 20-something, it would be to think long and hard about situations and opportunities, do some "scenario analysis" and really consider when it's necessary to go balls out and go for broke and be aggressive.

I wish I could say there's an easy way to tell the difference, but even now at 37, I still don't know for sure. But at least be aware... You can't always just wait, wait, wait.

Re: Ask HN: What were your naivetés in your twenties?

#194

Post by snth » Wed, Jun 30, 2010, 4:44 PM UTC

scotty79 wrote: post #116

DanielBMarkham wrote: post #89

- Shiny things are nowhere as much fun after you get them as before, even if they have some value. So yes, that Kindle or iPad or whatever will have a real use, and you will be marginally happier with it than without, but not as much as you think - You can talk yourself into (or out of) anything. The only difference between smart people and other people is that smart people do this with bigger words and more complex…

I think experiences are highly overrated. What I've seen, done or felt quickly gets pale and fades into the background. For me nothing can replace learning new interesting things and understanding new interesting concepts.

But things you learn also fade, unless you use them.

Re: Ask HN: What were your naivetés in your twenties?

#195

Post by silverlake » Wed, Jun 30, 2010, 4:44 PM UTC

garply wrote: post #97

This is not an answer (as I am mid-twenties), but rather a related question: I have been told by many people more successful than I that I should always try to be friends with people older than I. How can I do this?

It's usually just acquaintances from work or an organization.

Re: Ask HN: What were your naivetés in your twenties?

#196

Post by MrFoof » Wed, Jun 30, 2010, 4:48 PM UTC

qeorge wrote: post #135

DanielBMarkham wrote: post #89

- Shiny things are nowhere as much fun after you get them as before, even if they have some value. So yes, that Kindle or iPad or whatever will have a real use, and you will be marginally happier with it than without, but not as much as you think - You can talk yourself into (or out of) anything. The only difference between smart people and other people is that smart people do this with bigger words and more complex…

You don't need very much at all. Maybe a laptop computer and a couple changes of clothes. Pictures and videos of your life. That's about it. That was a huge one for me too. For years I'd thought I needed at least $50k/yr, a nice car, fancy apartment, etc. Then I spent a few years starting a business, and really learned what I do and don't need to spend money on. When food is an opportunity cost it changes your perspe…

There's really two ways to look at this:

* Eliminating non-essential expenses. i.e. Stuff you want, but not need. * Minimizing your foundation costs. Shelter, utilities (internet, phone, electricity, etc), transportation, medicine, food.

Eliminating the first is easy and can be done without sacrifice -- you don't need them. The second can be considerably harder as there's always a floor.

However I will say this, from experience. I've found many people to look very strangely at the first item. I'm not a minimalist, but I really don't own a lot of stuff. The general reaction I've gotten with dates has been initially positive (because the space itself, and what is there, is beautiful) but grew increasingly negative as a result of consumer culture. I've only found two gals who "got it".

Re: Ask HN: What were your naivetés in your twenties?

#197

Post by jseliger » Wed, Jun 30, 2010, 4:48 PM UTC

I am in my twenties. That being said, I would answer your question in book form -- that is, books that changed the way I do things and view the world and that I wish I'd read when I was younger:

1. Flow: The Psychology of Optimal Experience by Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi

2. The Guide to Getting It On by Paul Johannides [sp?]

3. The Mating Mind: How Sexual Choice Shaped the Evolution of Human Nature by Geoffrey Miller

4. Hackers & Painters by Paul Graham

5. Man's Search for Meaning by Viktor Frankl

6. Stumbling on Happiness by Daniel Gilbert

7. The Time Paradox by Philip Zimbardo.

That last one is particularly important: it points out that, once you've reached a comfortable but, for a highly educated person, relatively low level of income (around ~$40K for an individual), additional income increases do not matter for very for overall happiness.

What does? Friends, family, your sex life, meaningful work.

What doesn't help for happiness? TV. See the journal article "Does watching TV make us happy?" by Bruno S. Frey, Christine Benesch, and Alois Stutzer for more on the answer: "no."

Re: Ask HN: What were your naivetés in your twenties?

#198

Post by gintas » Wed, Jun 30, 2010, 4:51 PM UTC

beastman82 wrote: post #139

scotty79 wrote: post #116

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I think experiences are highly overrated. What I've seen, done or felt quickly gets pale and fades into the background. For me nothing can replace learning new interesting things and understanding new interesting concepts.

You should record something about your experiences, whether in pictures, movies, or text. Makes it very easy to relive them in your mind.

Why relive, when you can 'live' new experiences?

Re: Ask HN: What were your naivetés in your twenties?

#199

Post by mindcrime » Wed, Jun 30, 2010, 4:53 PM UTC

DanielBMarkham wrote: post #89

- Shiny things are nowhere as much fun after you get them as before, even if they have some value. So yes, that Kindle or iPad or whatever will have a real use, and you will be marginally happier with it than without, but not as much as you think - You can talk yourself into (or out of) anything. The only difference between smart people and other people is that smart people do this with bigger words and more complex…

  - Stick to a daily exercise routine at all costs

Yes, absolutely this. I can't reiterate that strongly enough. Do NOT make the mistake of letting your fitness go by the wayside. The older you get the harder it is to maintain (or increase) your fitness level... and if you spend a decade sitting on your bum eating chips and getting fat, it's a royal pain to get back into shape. Don't ask me how I know this. :-)

Re: Ask HN: What were your naivetés in your twenties?

#200

Post by gruseom » Wed, Jun 30, 2010, 4:55 PM UTC

chegra wrote: post #176

kranner wrote: post #168

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Gandhi, "racist"? Would you mind very much googling "Harijan"? You seem to have latched on to a very strange definition of "racist". Gandhi might have believed during that early period in his life in keeping races separate, which is not surprising given his orthodox upbringing, but he did a very great deal, later, to unite people of all religions and races and motivate them to think of each other as equals, persuadin…

"We believe also that the white race of South Africa should be the predominating race."- Gandhi http://www.trinicenter.com/WorldNews/ghandi4.htm Yes, I'm talking about the early part of his life. Well if you feel comfortable - ex-racist.

If you go back far enough, you won't find anyone who thought the way we do about race, so the label you're putting on Gandhi here is an anachronism and the moralism implicit in it is glib.

A more interesting place to look for Gandhi's shadow side is in the dynamics of his family, particularly his oldest son (IIRC) who lived out all the things his father hated; he became an alcoholic and, worse, a salesman.