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Ask HN: What were your naivetés in your twenties?

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Re: Ask HN: What were your naivetés in your twenties?

#131

Post by alttab »

noname123 wrote: post #22
baguasquirrel wrote: post #19

Earlier quoted context omitted.

That's startling. What makes it so? Do you think that the converse is true, that boyfriend material is the same as husband material?

I believe the wyclif was referring to rather quite the opposite, that a former naive belief of his was that girlfriend material is the same as wife material. This is in spite of my former belief the only thing that would ever come out of wyclif's mouth was "dollar dollar bill, y'all".

former naive belief of his was that girlfriend material is the same as wife material.

I read his original comment as "you want your girlfriend to be like your wife." That is unless you like wasting 2 people's time instead of one.

If you are just looking for "girlfriend" activities, then shes not really your girlfriend, is she?

Re: Ask HN: What were your naivetés in your twenties?

#132

Post by dagw »

modoc wrote: post #123
portman wrote: post #117

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I have a 3 year old, a 2 year old, an 8 week old, and a startup. Having kids has no impact on having your own business. They're completely orthogonal. Using that as an excuse for not having kids makes as much sense as saying "I don't want to eat tacos for dinner because I want to have my own business." Note: I'm not responding directly to your comment; I'm responding to the somewhat pervasive idea on HN that kids are…

"Having kids has no impact on having your own business" You're saying that raising children has no impact on your available time and money? That seems a bit far fetched. I'd agree that it's totally possible to have kids and do a startup, but frankly you'll be working with a bit less money and less time (and for a while way less sleep).

It very much depends on how you and the mother decided to split up the work load. If she is happy taking close to 100% of the work load and letting you do your thing then it shouldn't be impossible to have basically the same amount of time.

Re: Ask HN: What were your naivetés in your twenties?

#133

Post by Xurinos »

Naivetes over time:

In my 20s... I thought I knew what I was doing and was ready to take on the world with my fresh expertise.

In my 30s... I thought I knew what I was doing and was ready to take on the world with my fresh expertise.

In my 40s... I thought I knew what I was doing and was ready to take on the world with my fresh expertise.

...

You will always be a child. Whatever your age, you will think you know better, and you do not. You may know much about certain fields, but that does not qualify you for other fields. Having a child does not make you an expert on children. Being able to program a computer does not make you an expert on computers or computer programming. There is no top tier, no limit to knowledge that provides you a comfortable mountain peak to sit upon.

Do not accept limitations. Do not believe the limitations other people conjure. Experiment, even in the face of rejection, and you may learn something new and unrelated to your original experiment, or you may prove the know-it-alls wrong.

Being right is as useless in the social world as having ideas. Both are mental drugs.

Everything I said is both useful and useless. Maybe I can sum it up as, "Approach life with humility." I fail at this. Good luck!

Re: Ask HN: What were your naivetés in your twenties?

#134

Post by lsc »

DanielBMarkham wrote: post #89

- Shiny things are nowhere as much fun after you get them as before, even if they have some value. So yes, that Kindle or iPad or whatever will have a real use, and you will be marginally happier with it than without, but not as much as you think - You can talk yourself into (or out of) anything. The only difference between smart people and other people is that smart people do this with bigger words and more complex…

> - Concentrate on your weaknesses. Make them stronger. When you get to your 30s you can work from your strengths, but there has to be some time in your life to work on shit you suck at, and for me it was when I had the most motivation, my 20s.

I don't think I could disagree more. If I focused on my weaknesses, I'd still be working on my handwriting. I spent years in school trying to learn how to write legibly, and as soon as I got out I dropped that and used a computer for everything. I'm a published author now, and without a computer I still can't legibly compose a sentence. You know what? nobody cares that my cheques are hard to read.

Sure, you can focus on bringing up the things you are bad at to 'average' and be a mediocre person, or you can min/max it, and be /really good/ at some things, and really suck at others. Sure, we'd all like to be good at everything. But you know what? for most of us, it's not happening. you need to make choices.

As a child, your mom (or, at least my mom was) all about how important doing your laundry, cooking, doing the dishes, etc... is. In the real world? you can pay other people to do that. You don't even have to pay them very much. Your first programming job will pay enough to eat out every day and have someone come by and clean your house once or twice a week. (granted, knowing how to cook is a good skill; it's usually healthier. My point is just that no matter what you are bad at, there is almost always a way to solve any problem using one of your strengths.)

granted... your first programming job won't pay for that /and/ a spiffy new sportscar every five years, but for me, the free time to work on the things I care about is worth more than a sportscar.

Figure out what sorts of things you are good at learning. Become /really good/ at those things, and put yourself in situations where your strengths matter and your weaknesses don't slow you down too much. Cultivate friendships with people who have complementary skillsets.

Re: Ask HN: What were your naivetés in your twenties?

#135

Post by qeorge »

DanielBMarkham wrote: post #89

- Shiny things are nowhere as much fun after you get them as before, even if they have some value. So yes, that Kindle or iPad or whatever will have a real use, and you will be marginally happier with it than without, but not as much as you think - You can talk yourself into (or out of) anything. The only difference between smart people and other people is that smart people do this with bigger words and more complex…

You don't need very much at all. Maybe a laptop computer and a couple changes of clothes. Pictures and videos of your life. That's about it.

That was a huge one for me too. For years I'd thought I needed at least $50k/yr, a nice car, fancy apartment, etc.

Then I spent a few years starting a business, and really learned what I do and don't need to spend money on. When food is an opportunity cost it changes your perspective. The first thing to go was trashbags - suddenly the idea of spending money on something going directly in the garbage seemed absurd.

So, I haven't had a car in 2 years, I love my apartment but its not huge, and I don't make a ton of money. But I'm happier than almost anyone I know, I can drop everything to go on an impromptu beach trip, and I wake up every day to a job that's exciting and fulfilling.

It sounds odd, but learning to live on almost no money made me calmer and happier.

Re: Ask HN: What were your naivetés in your twenties?

#137

Post by lsc »

alttab wrote: post #124
dhimes wrote: post #113

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Excellent reply (as usual) by DBM, but I disagree with this: Concentrate on your weaknesses. Make them stronger. When you get to your 30s you can work from your strengths, but there has to be some time in your life to work on shit you suck at, and for me it was when I had the most motivation, my 20s. Concentrate on your strengths, even at this age. Peter Drucker's argument sold me: If you work on your weaknesses, the…

Not to disagree, but a counter-argument could be that working on your weaknesses makes you a more well rounded person. This is a hunter-warrior/contractor vs a jack-of-all-trades/leader.

what is the advantage to being well rounded? I always thought that was a euphemism for average.

Re: Ask HN: What were your naivetés in your twenties?

#138

Post by Retric »

silvestrov wrote: post #55
aaronblohowiak wrote: post #30

Earlier quoted context omitted.

it seems as though you are talking about something different from the OP. you are emphasizing building wealth, the OP is emphasizing restraint.

It is two sides of the same coin: you can't build wealth without exercising restraint. Look at all the professional young sport guys who earned millions in no time, and who wasted it all on senseless bling-bling. And he says, " work on something at a loss ", which is definitly not building wealth, it is anti-saving. If you are a saver, you'll always save money no matter how much or how little you earn. Spending your…

~30,000$ in rice today was significant wealth 1,000+ years ago. (It's all the calories someone needs over a reasonably long life.)

However, IMO wealth is best measured as a multiple of your lifestyle, someone with a billion in the bank who spends 300 million a year can't retire without cutting back, but someone with 1 million in the bank who spends 20k/year can.

Re: Ask HN: What were your naivetés in your twenties?

#139

Post by beastman82 »

scotty79 wrote: post #116
DanielBMarkham wrote: post #89

- Shiny things are nowhere as much fun after you get them as before, even if they have some value. So yes, that Kindle or iPad or whatever will have a real use, and you will be marginally happier with it than without, but not as much as you think - You can talk yourself into (or out of) anything. The only difference between smart people and other people is that smart people do this with bigger words and more complex…

I think experiences are highly overrated. What I've seen, done or felt quickly gets pale and fades into the background. For me nothing can replace learning new interesting things and understanding new interesting concepts.

You should record something about your experiences, whether in pictures, movies, or text. Makes it very easy to relive them in your mind.

Re: Ask HN: What were your naivetés in your twenties?

#140

Post by midnightmonster »

garply wrote: post #97

This is not an answer (as I am mid-twenties), but rather a related question: I have been told by many people more successful than I that I should always try to be friends with people older than I. How can I do this?

I don't consider myself to have a lot of friends, but I'm 28 and virtually everyone I do spend time with is older than me. I got married and had kids young, so married and parenting peers are all older. I own my own web development/consulting business, so my clients and business peers are all older than me. My path works well if you started on it several years ago. If you need a short cut, find any adult fraternal organization to join. Religious and/or service-oriented will probably be most effective. For me it would be the Knights of Columbus or Rotarians, to give a couple examples. I don't know where you are or what exists there, but they can be a great way to meet older people in the parallel- or team-work for a larger cause context that gives people the opportunity to form friendships.

Also, among the reasons older people are useful besides connections is so that you can learn from their wisdom or lack of wisdom. (It can be useful to keep a list for yourself of traits you want to root out and avoid so you don't become that guy 20 years from now.) Usually you can do this learning by active observation on your part, but sometimes people will feel compelled to teach you explicitly. God knows I'm no expert at social graces, but most of the time you probably have to let that ride, and strongly consider the possibility that you deserved it. If you're sure you didn't, try to understand why they thought you did.

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