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Ask HN: What were your naivetés in your twenties?

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Re: Ask HN: What were your naivetés in your twenties?

#141

Post by lsc »

thecircusb0y wrote: post #112
lionhearted wrote: post #65

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> Below the fold: "Track record is king. It's all DNA. People don't change. Your fate is sealed." You read it wrong - it's not about DNA or fate. It's about what a person has done recently. It's a good predictor of what they're going to do next. As soon as someone changes for real, they build a new and healthy track record. In general, you should weight a person's actions - track record - over what they say. It's a p…

Isn't it possible that a person will act the same based on track record because their environment is always the same and therefore there isn't an incentive to change their habits, especially if they are unaware of this? People can change enough to make a big difference when their eyes are opened and they realize what really matters in life. I've seen it happen.

Yes, but creating that environment for change is a pretty difficult task. As an example, several times I've hired people who did customer support before to do customer support for me, and de-training all the customer-hostile and ultimately time-wasting behaviors is really hard. I mean, sure, it can be done, if you understand the behaviors and values you want, and if the employee is willing to work with you, but it is /hard/

My experience with this sort of thing is that if the person looks like they failed in the past due to having a bad boss[1], yeah, I can fix it. But otherwise? you are in for a whole lot of work with a very small chance of success. Sometimes, it's worth it, but you need to go in with your eyes open.

[1] oh man, bad bosses do a whole lot of damage. that's the funny thing; I don't think a good boss, even a really good boss helps all that much. I mean, sure, they help a little. I try to be a good boss. But a bad boss can easily swing productivity in to the negative. Goal one is to not be a bad boss.

Re: Ask HN: What were your naivetés in your twenties?

#142

Post by nailer »

tome wrote: post #81
nailer wrote: post #76

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> 75% of romantic relationship are established through your network. Yes, but if you can cold call you'll get get a wider range of possible results (says a happily married cold caller!).

What do you mean by "cold calling" in this context?

Approaching complete unknowns outside of your network - in my case, a girl who'd spent most of her time arguing with another guy at a bar and got up to leave. This girl is now Mrs Nailer.

Re: Ask HN: What were your naivetés in your twenties?

#143

Post by GFischer »

Greenwell wrote: post #24

That you never regret the big fun adventures that you decide to go on. When faced with the decision, it can be really hard to take 6 months off to travel to the destination of your dreams - but in hindsight, these are the best times of your life and you usually don't regret them. I recently sat with a 96 year old man, and his stories were about his trips to his hometown in Europe and to the United States, not about t…

There were several articles over here about the "Experience Self" vs the "Remembering Self", all based on a talk by Dr.Daniel Kahneman (http://www.ted.com/talks/daniel_kahneman_the_riddle_of_exper...)

Some articles have a summary:

http://sheshtawy.wordpress.com/2010/03/01/experience-self-vs...

The remembering self of the old man definitely appreciated the trips better :)

Re: Ask HN: What were your naivetés in your twenties?

#144

Post by modoc »

dagw wrote: post #132
modoc wrote: post #123

Earlier quoted context omitted.

"Having kids has no impact on having your own business" You're saying that raising children has no impact on your available time and money? That seems a bit far fetched. I'd agree that it's totally possible to have kids and do a startup, but frankly you'll be working with a bit less money and less time (and for a while way less sleep).

It very much depends on how you and the mother decided to split up the work load. If she is happy taking close to 100% of the work load and letting you do your thing then it shouldn't be impossible to have basically the same amount of time.

I'd argue that if you're spending ~0% of your time with you kids then you're doing it wrong. Something has to come first, and imho if you have kids then the kids need to come first. That means spending as much time as you can with them, both to help raise them, teach them, and also to experience parenthood.

Re: Ask HN: What were your naivetés in your twenties?

#145

Post by dedward »

Lots of good advice from others... I'll try not to repeat:

0) Regardless of what anyone says - you get one life, and one journey - and the path you take is your own - there is no right or wrong one that anyone can decide for you. It's subjective, and up to you to do what's right for you - which could be anything from being the next Ghandi to being the next Hitler.

1) No matter how much you ask this (good for you) you're still going to be the age you are and make mistakes. Mistakes are how you learn - and that's okay.

2) Don't leave everything for the future. live in the here and now, and cultivate a lifestyle that takes care of your future as well as letting you enjoy life now.

3) Avoid debt at all costs - even when all your peers, even the whole of society seems to think it's "okay" to spend money you have and pay it back later.

4) Avoid investments unless you really understand them - there is nothing fundamentally wrong with cash in the bank. (Despite all the peer pressure to invest over the years, I've been disappointed by almost every single investment I've made, and I've been quite happy at my choices to keep cash - especially when markets crash and things go bad. That cash has kept me worry-free and happy far more than any investment.) (Of course, I might be completely wrong.. but you asked.) 5) As soon as you have an income, make sure you are saving something every paycheck - build up a cushion and keep building it up indefinitely. You should very quickly not care when payday is. IT may seem like a burden at first, but it will very quickly become a source of relief and enjoyment in life - and it keeps you open to far more opportunities. 6) Happiness is something you cultivate internally and is completely up to you - it is not based on ANY external factors unless YOU let it be. Cultivate happiness in your life. 7) Drugs are bad. Some aren't as bad as the media makes things out to be when you grew up, but they're still bad compared to not doing them. (this includes drinking and even caffeine. I'm not saying don't do them - I'm just saying, after a good chunk of your life has passed, someone I met once told me he wished he hadn't done all the substances he had done, and they weren't even what you'd consider bad, and he is still relatively healthy and quite successful.)

8) Variety is good. 9) Sleep is important. 10) Food and diet and exercise are important. 11) You sort of start going downhill around 30 (You notice changes in your body and mind - you realize you aren't going to live forever. The better you take care of yourself before this point (and after of course) the better you'll feel. Health breeds happiness. Don't wreck your health early - you may not even realize you are doing it. Save some of it for when you are older and can afford to blow some more brain cells on enjoyment - otherwise you may not be able to. 12) Never feel stuck - life is full of opportunity and happiness, and the world is a beautiful place. If you wake up and find you don't see it that way, figure out why and do something about it. It's the DOING that's important.

Re: Ask HN: What were your naivetés in your twenties?

#147

Post by wyclif »

alttab wrote: post #131
noname123 wrote: post #22

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I believe the wyclif was referring to rather quite the opposite, that a former naive belief of his was that girlfriend material is the same as wife material. This is in spite of my former belief the only thing that would ever come out of wyclif's mouth was "dollar dollar bill, y'all".

former naive belief of his was that girlfriend material is the same as wife material. I read his original comment as "you want your girlfriend to be like your wife." That is unless you like wasting 2 people's time instead of one. If you are just looking for "girlfriend" activities, then shes not really your girlfriend, is she?

OK, I'll settle this: noname123 is right. Remember, this is Ask HN. I just answered the question "What were your naivetés in your twenties?" That was one of mine. I'm amused that got voted up so much while being misunderstood by some...the dangers of brevity!

Re: Ask HN: What were your naivetés in your twenties?

#148

Post by lief79 »

jpdbaugh wrote: post #119
DanielBMarkham wrote: post #89

- Shiny things are nowhere as much fun after you get them as before, even if they have some value. So yes, that Kindle or iPad or whatever will have a real use, and you will be marginally happier with it than without, but not as much as you think - You can talk yourself into (or out of) anything. The only difference between smart people and other people is that smart people do this with bigger words and more complex…

"If you are changing and getting better, that means you are changing friends too. This was very difficult for me, but you can't hang out with the same folks and expect to become a better person. There are exceptions, of course, but to a large degree your life is controlled by whom you choose to be friends and hang out with. Be aware that you don't want to be the same person at 30 as you were at 20. I'm not saying be…

As for meeting people, most people are lonely on one level or another. If you can genuinely just say hello to random people, you'll be networking and getting to know people in no time. If it's at a social scene, or a public place, just look for someone sitting or standing by themselves, and ask if they would mind some company. In my experience, over 50% of people say yes. (If they don't, then move on to the next person.) You can combine this with walking for socialization and exercise. Along the same lines, if you are comfortable learning dancing, look for a ballroom/latin/swing with lessons that swap partners. (Every one was a beginner at some point, these places tend to keep people remembering that and therefore happy to help others learn.)

If you tend to be an introvert, then just take more time asking good questions, let them talk, and then expand upon the mutual interests. Most of my friends wouldn't know I tested on the introverted side on Myers Briggs. (I've moved towards the middle since high school, mostly because I like taking this approach to life so the answers as to what I'd do have actually changed.)

Good luck. If you throw out your location, you might be able to make some local connections through here.

Re: Ask HN: What were your naivetés in your twenties?

#149

Post by brosephius »

- one of the keys to success is being likable. skills/talent alone won't carry you to the top. they can take you far, but if you want to be a star, you gotta know how to hustle. i.e., networking, getting your name/face out there, being likable. if, like many on HN, you want to be an entrepreneur, never stop selling yourself.

- never, ever put off pursuing things that interest you, because if you get in this habit you'll find years fly by where you did nothing but work and watch tv. and on the same token, never ever let regret about your past decisions hinder you from making the right ones going forward.

- never feel superior because you're younger. yes, society is biased when it comes to age, but focusing on your age as if you're some sort of wunderkind is immature and a huge turnoff.

Re: Ask HN: What were your naivetés in your twenties?

#150

Post by lsc »

qeorge wrote: post #135
DanielBMarkham wrote: post #89

- Shiny things are nowhere as much fun after you get them as before, even if they have some value. So yes, that Kindle or iPad or whatever will have a real use, and you will be marginally happier with it than without, but not as much as you think - You can talk yourself into (or out of) anything. The only difference between smart people and other people is that smart people do this with bigger words and more complex…

You don't need very much at all. Maybe a laptop computer and a couple changes of clothes. Pictures and videos of your life. That's about it. That was a huge one for me too. For years I'd thought I needed at least $50k/yr, a nice car, fancy apartment, etc. Then I spent a few years starting a business, and really learned what I do and don't need to spend money on. When food is an opportunity cost it changes your perspe…

for me it's the elimination of the fixed costs that is key. my half of the rent is relatively low, and I have a car, but it's paid off. If my income were to drop dramatically next month (as it will... I just handed out north of $10K in service credits because of a huge network problem.) I can pretty instantly drop to a lifestyle that can be supported by four days of contracting a month. When things are good, sure, I buy luxuries. hell, I'll have someone clean my apartment for me- people will work for almost an order of magnitude less than I will, so when I have the money, it makes lots of sense.

The thing I've found is that getting small amounts of money is almost trivially easy... if hiring yourself out for short periods of time for $80-$150/hr is pretty easy (as it seems to be for me) optimizing things that only cost a few dollars a month doesn't make that much sense.

I think this is key to the 'living light' lifestyle. optimize the things where you get a big reward for not very much sacrifice. To me, driving a $30,000 car is nice... but a $3,000 car probably gives me 95% of the value I would get out of the more expensive car, so I drive an old beater, and I don't worry about scratches and dents. But, say, clipping coupons makes little sense, as I'm probably earning min. wage on the time spent.

I will often do my own auto repair. The person cleaning my house? $10-$15/hr. the mechanic? $75-$95/hr. And I enjoy working on my car, while I don't enjoy cleaning the kitchen.

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