451–460 of 621 posts
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Why would a white or men exclusive event be trouble? Are white men the tainted scourge of the world?
Are you asking sincerely, or are you trying to do some false equivalence sealioning nonsense?
My sister was a software engineer. She wasn't ever a part of those women-only developer groups. She just really liked programming. It wasn't a political statement, and I don't think I've ever heard her talk about 'sexism in the workplace' that everyone else seems to love to talk about. She left her engineering job to raise her children. My mother was completely against this move though because my mother (also origina…
Of course your sister should make her own choices, but the pressure on a mom in tech to leave is still absolutely immense. The more of us who tough it out, the better for our daughters.
How exactly is it better for our daughters?
Anecdote: My wife (software engineer) left the workforce to care for and raise our daughter and she doesn't regret her choice one bit. She says it is far more meaningful work (caring for and shaping the mind of a young child) than making money for some corporate fatcats.
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Are you suggesting that "half the population" is not as capable? That's the only way they would be excluded according to the parent post.
I don't follow. I was explaining why the "hiring only the best" strategy perpetuates a gender imbalance. If there is an 80:20 gender ratio in the industry, and assuming an equal skill distribution, then there will be about 4 times as many men as women in the "hiring only the best" work force. It's not hard to imagine that this could dissuade some young women from choosing this industry, regardless of their aptitude f…
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It would be great if there was more part-time work in tech in general. Seems as though this would be something everyone (mothers, single or married men/women) could benefit from. Not to be too personal, genuinely curious, what do you hope to gain by 'toughing it out'? A better workplace for your daughters? Or to set an example or something? Coming from someone with a mother who 'toughed it out', I rarely saw my mothe…
I enjoy making things with code. I like earning a check. Why do you stay in your job? It makes me sad to think my kids will think I didn't do enough for them one day, but dads have been working full-time for ages. You're not the first person who has pressured me to go part-time, either.
Why do you assume they will look at your decision to stay home (I won't call it "not working" since it is arguably more stressful and difficult than working at an office) and think that you didn't do enough for them?
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The mere offering of assistance to people who do not need it, and feel they should not need it, can be construed as insulting. EDIT: As mentioned to in another comment, "Special treatment feels condescending."
Honestly, why take things like that personally? Why liken it to a ghetto ? Is your pride really so hurt that someone wanted to help you out around the office that you refuse to believe that you could have learned anything useful from it? You can't even come out of it with another friend, a future business contact, an interpersonal skill, deeper knowledge of a workplace tool? It's great if some people don't think they…
What I really don't understand is how we men can act so innocent about all this. "Oh, I was just asking a question," "I didn't force her to do anything," "she was free to decline," "what, how could you not want help? Think of all the [rationalizations]!" and so on....
Shut. The. Fuck. Up. Intentions are as clear as the sky on a sunny day...
People who see others as equals treat people differently than those who think they see a potential partner, or victim, or lackey...
EDIT: Also, "mansplaining"
There's sexism in tech, and to address it you have to call it for what it is. I'm glad her experiences are such that she hasn't encountered these barriers, but other people have, and they need these words and spaces. Take my previous job. Women were objectified on Slack. A woman was groped, though she didn't report it out of concern for the repercussions. In meetings execs, male execs would only address/look at the m…
> but as a group, it's undeniable that there's extra obstacles I'm not sure you can really say that. It's true, women as a group encounter problems with being treated as sex objects, and there are cultural reasons for that, blah blah blah. So women have a unique experience. BUT! Men experience a pressure to succeed that we as women can hardly fathom. Consequently, they wind up in jobs they need , in a way we never wi…
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Honestly, why take things like that personally? Why liken it to a ghetto ? Is your pride really so hurt that someone wanted to help you out around the office that you refuse to believe that you could have learned anything useful from it? You can't even come out of it with another friend, a future business contact, an interpersonal skill, deeper knowledge of a workplace tool? It's great if some people don't think they…
Aren't your posts here telling the GP how important and useful a specific group for females is despite them explaining why they didn't want want to be a part of it a form of mansplaining?
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Did you even try looking before asking this? I can think of a bunch in just the couple months, mainly in regards to Uber and other SV companies taking concrete steps to fix their culture.
Doubling down on sexual harassment and other abhorrent behavior is very different from having stuff like women-in-tech awards and women only tech meetups. Also we have more initiatives than ever trying to get women into tech yet the numbers are at an all time low, shouldn't we admit that we need to change our approach?
Why do women-only tech events bother you? Do you think women are meeting up to exert power over you?
That's how I feel about it, too. There is no war. Women are not oppressed, men are not oppressors. We're all just people with problems who need support and compassion. Besides being morally wrong, a tribal approach is limiting. If you can't learn from, if you can't make friends and allies with people from all walks of life, if you must sit in your little castle with the few you count as your tribe -- are you not obvi…
Well put.
I experienced this when moving abroad - Expatriates formed social groups based on their origin country, and their identities became disproportionately based upon that.
For those people, interactions with anyone outside the ex-pat group usually centred around contrasting their home culture with the other party's culture, inevitably favouring the home country culture. The subtle problems this introduced for them were many, but they appeared to entirely lack insight into this or if they had it, admitting so was verboten.
Outsider interactions were constantly tainted with an air of negativity that left the other party feeling less-than-good about the interaction, and so less likely to engage in future. The in-group folks frequently became unfairly disillusioned with their new country because of the distorted negativity field introduced by their group's favouritism towards the home country culture. Often members of the group would pack up and head back home, but after a few years would return having apparently remembered the reasons they left in the first place.
This behaviour seemed not so bad since the countries in question were culturally not so far apart (same language, significant shared history, similar ethnic demographics). I can only imagine how alienating this behaviour is for migrants in countries with larger cultural differences.