141–150 of 205 posts
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Fun fact: there's a whole world beyond work, full of people to talk to.
I've heard, but that's not what this discussion is about.
Heck, millions of people met at work and finally got married.
And, no, flirting is not the same as harassment.
Everything about this is highly contextual and varies across cultures. Smiling in some situations makes you look powerful, in many others it makes you look weak. Being very animated can make you look carefree in some situations and just wild in others. The more time I spend in cultures that I didn't grow up in, the more convinced I become that there just aren't any universalities in this direction. Any attempt to do…
I'd like to know the culture where smiling is seen differently. It is the global symbol of happiness and tells everybody on earth "i'm a friend" or at least "i'm friendly".
"Hey, how are you? How much will you charge to take me 5 kms" would be the wrong approach to take with a taxi driver. Just try to look stoic (but not like an asshole) and you'd be better off.
I started paying attention to people and discovered a lot of this on my own over the course of three years. At some point i realized that whenever i talked to someone their eyes would glaze over and their face would go stony. Then theyd talk to someone else and their eyes would become focused and their face alive and animated. Laughter. I figured out this was because they didnt care about what i was saying or about m…
(And yes, I don't understand what most people want to hear either. Mostly I think they want others to compliment them, ask them to expound on themselves, and laugh at inane jokes.)
Your long-ish post implies that you prefer discourse (the antithesis of small talk). I suspect you'd like to pose an idea and then exchange ideas on it. While that was popular before the age of TV (much less internet), conversation on topics that resonate and last for 5+ minutes is unusual today, especially verbally, and it's likely that few strangers respond well to it. People like to tell / hear stories about other people, not discuss ideas.
Like you (I suspect) I suffer small talk badly, though in recent years I've learned to cut back on delivering 'large talk'... hopefully before peoples' eyes glaze over.
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I can expand a bit on @jaequery's comments, as well as elaborate on "attractiveness", in general. I worked in hospitality (bars/restaurants) for a decade before moving into tech. Working behind "the stick" you get to witness a lot of human interaction. @jaequery may feel more comfortable around people who are not Brad Pitt look-a-like because he/she doesn't have judge them (that much) and, hence, does not have to wor…
Every single time a girl is talking with a guy and thus making model, a guy is talking with a girl too. In any case, most girls are not approached from a young age by hundreds or thousands of guys thou. Only few very super popular girls are like that. Tomboy girls also have a lot of experience of talking with guys, but only in their group of friends, hardly hundreds. Both groups are not even close to being majority o…
A very small fraction of the guys may be doing the talking with the majority of the girls.
I know a small number of very charismatic people. It seems to just be a natural function of who they are. I have always wondered if there was a way to "become charismatic".
You can definitely learn charisma. I wouldn't call myself a smooth talker (I'm way too frank), but I've got a presence that people respond to. More importantly, 20 years ago I was basically a shut in with crippling social anxiety. I've found that the big key is getting your mind in order. You can work forever on what to say, but if your head isn't right it won't work. On the other hand, someone who is totally centere…
Skimming through the article, I observed that they missed the most important step one must do to get better at talking to people: Practice! One doesn't learn how to write code without writing code. One also doesn't learn how to tie their shoes without actually tying shoes. So it follows that one doesn't learn how to become good at people without talking to people. You've gotta go out! And I'm not talking about grabbi…
Please, don't practice on me. Maybe to some it is fine to approach people and be rejected, but for me it is not ok being interrupted by random strangers.
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I prefer "That's really interesting; what's a day in your life like?" People love talking about this because people spend most of their lives working, so most of their life is work.
I find this to be a good approach too, unless they're in the midst of a PhD program, then they have zero interest in talking about their day cause their dissertation is all-consuming.
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Every single time a girl is talking with a guy and thus making model, a guy is talking with a girl too. In any case, most girls are not approached from a young age by hundreds or thousands of guys thou. Only few very super popular girls are like that. Tomboy girls also have a lot of experience of talking with guys, but only in their group of friends, hardly hundreds. Both groups are not even close to being majority o…
>Every single time a girl is talking with a guy and thus making model, a guy is talking with a girl too. A very small fraction of the guys may be doing the talking with the majority of the girls.
Adding to it, introverted and shy girls exist too and those often end up not talking to hundreds of guys even when those attempt to approach them. These girls will likely hide themselves in a room when such thing may happen.
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Thank God I'm not the only guy that wears sunscreen! I've shared the same opinion as you for most of my life. I really got a strong dose of truth in highschool. I got tired of getting picked on and being out of shape in freshman year. I was a loner and a punching bag for kids having a bad day. I started exercising to stop people from bothering me. I still kept to myself and maintained my outsider status at first, but…
Ahh dude, you were sooo close but missed the point entirely. Issue with being attractive in HS is it's cheap. You may actually be disgruntled because you sorta miss the "old you". Problem with this whole post is that your attractiveness didn't permeate to the core of your person. I also had a similar story as you, except when I joined the football team and hung out with the cool kids, I didn't give a shit what anyone…
> I also had a similar story as you, except when I joined the football team and hung out with the cool kids, I didn't give a shit what anyone said about my old friends and went back to hang out with them.
I'm not sure what you think you did differently to OP.
I started paying attention to people and discovered a lot of this on my own over the course of three years. At some point i realized that whenever i talked to someone their eyes would glaze over and their face would go stony. Then theyd talk to someone else and their eyes would become focused and their face alive and animated. Laughter. I figured out this was because they didnt care about what i was saying or about m…
Actually, not only do I agree with your main point, but I think I know why it's a problem. (BTW, it's a problem for me too.) Most people today have the attention span of gnats. They crave talk in small, light, humor-based doses, like TV sitcom dialogue. (And yes, I don't understand what most people want to hear either. Mostly I think they want others to compliment them, ask them to expound on themselves, and laugh at…
The build up of these echo chambers and extremely brief communication patterns contributes greatly to polarizing people on all kinds of different issues. It's really terrifying to me.